How To Service Your Spitfire…The Haynes Way

It`s a strange old world. I did this cover artwork about 15 years ago, the only difference is that I did it as a JOKE!!
Incidentally, my Volvo diesel has a VW / Audi engine, so I had to buy two manuals, maybe Haynes are not so stupid. :dev2:

This should be good for the up n coming spitfire engineer cos he/she could look at the number of shaded spanners to determine how difficult the job is prior to hand bagging it. :diablo:

LMFAO!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀

Never

In the field of human conflict

Have so many Ford Cortinas

Been rebuilt

By so few

With so many bolts left over…..

maybe

I agree with Jerry – Haynes manuals have saved me a fortune, many hundreds more than they have cost me.

However, they certainly seem to be losing their way somewhat…

http://www.haynes.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10001&storeId=10001&productId=15133&langId=-1

Not enough Volvo diesels on the road? They have to be kidding.

Hi
maybe it’s another brit institution, on the way down the pan 😀 sad if it is
Cheers
Jerry

This should be good for the up n coming spitfire engineer cos he/she could look at the number of shaded spanners to determine how difficult the job is prior to hand bagging it. :diablo:

haynes

Hi All,
Being a bit positive, there are many vehicles that have been maintained by use of a haynes manual, they are about 1/4 the price of an official manufacturers workshop manual.
Myself in person, I have saved a small fortune over the years using haynes manuals to maintain/repair mine /family /friends vehicles.
A good old british institution, known world wide, be honest we ain’t got many left ………….
and they have preserved a few vehicles in the museum ….
http://www.haynesmotormuseum.com/index.php

I personally wish them continued success, credit where credit due …

( P.s. I am in no way connected to the company or know anyone who works for them or have any financial connection ……)

Cheers
Jerry

Just in case anyone get’s one of these manuals. Here is a handy translation of some of the terms used in them……

Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!

Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell matey!

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7…
Translation: That’ll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scarey photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Haynes: Pry…
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into…

Haynes: Undo…
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).

Haynes: Retain tiny spring…
Translation: “Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out”!

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb…
Translation: OK – that’s the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part.

Haynes: Lightly…
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are doing now cannot be considered “lightly”.

Haynes: Weekly checks…
Translation: If it isn’t broken don’t fix it!

Haynes: Routine maintenance…
Translation: If it isn’t broken… it’s about to be!

Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this… so how did you manage to botch it up?

Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, ikkle number… but you also thought that the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).

Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You are seriously considering this aren’t you, you pleb!

Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK – but don’t expect us to ride it afterwards!!!

Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this…
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Haynes: Compress…
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage whilst muttering “******” repeatedly under your breath.

Haynes: Inspect…
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife “Yep, as I thought, it’s going to need a new one”!

Haynes: Carefully…
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!

Haynes: Retaining nut…
Translation: Yes, that’s it, that big spherical blob of rust.

Haynes: Get an assistant…
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.

Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.

Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs…
Translation: Snap off…

Haynes: Using a suitable drift…
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn’t a suitable drift!

Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone

Haynes: Apply moderate heat…
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn’t moderate heat.

Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want to do!

Dezz 😀

What is the release date for this publication, april 1st ? Have you ever noticed in some h”ynes manuals how you get 3/4 of the way through the manual just taking things apart ,then you come across that perennial pearl of wisdom “assembly is just the reverse of disassembly” ,and your thinking ,how do I smash all of those lumps back on with a club hammer!

titles

Hi All,
maybe i will be lucky and it will just be an updates AP,
or maybe even the entire range of AP’s held by the RAF,
ideal for those bits collectors and modellers alike.
At an affordable price I think many might buy,
look at the old RAF hurri/spit/lanc/mossie AP reprints they went well.
Cheers
Jerry

Can’t wait for the new installments about ‘battle damage repair your Tornadon’t F3 with David’s Isopon’ or, how about ‘Typhoo tea electronics made easy with this new, easy to follow manual’.

Trying to instill a shread of reality back into this, What next for Haynes? Hurricanes, Defiants, Lancasters….

Or (and this may be a little too “left-field”) how about doing some *sodding* cars??? Six years after launch and they still haven’t done a Seat Ibiza Mk.3 manual!!!!

Spitfires indeed. Mind you, some forumites might argue that between that and this:

http://www.haynes.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10001&storeId=10001&productId=17801&langId=-1

…you don’t actually need car maintenance books…

Can’t wait for the new installments about ‘battle damage repair your Tornadon’t F3 with David’s Isopon’ or, how about ‘Typhoo tea electronics made easy with this new, easy to follow manual’.

Trying to instill a shread of reality back into this, What next for Haynes? Hurricanes, Defiants, Lancasters….

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1844250865/203-8922958-3937550

No comment…….

I like the other book they recommend you buy with it…puts you of somewhat.

Anne

10th july to october 31st was, I always thought, the “official” dates for the Battle of Britain. And weren’t those the dates used for promulgating the award of the Battle of Britain clasp?

Regards,

kev35

Correct – the official _British_ dates which works on the basis that the Luftwaffe campaign to decimate the RAF was defeated in October. The German view is that they weren’t defeated, they simply changed tactics and so the battle just moved into a new phase which lasted until 1941 when the Luftwaffe finally ceased large scale attacks on the British mainland as it was drawn into the Russian campaign. Question of opinion really.

Edit: Marcel Jullian’s history of the battle begins: “For the British, the battle began on July 10th, but for the Germans it did not start until August 8th or even 13th. It is possible, however, that it was won on May 16th”.

He also notes at the end of the book “Officially it ended on November 30th, but it was already decided. The Blitz now began to take its place”.

I can’t recommend Jullian’s book highly enough. I first read it at the age of 8 or so and it captivated me, both in the story it told and in the way it was written.

10th july to october 31st was, I always thought, the “official” dates for the Battle of Britain. And weren’t those the dates used for promulgating the award of the Battle of Britain clasp?

Regards,

kev35

Yes, we know! Check about 3 posts that way ^

OMG!!
http://www.haynes.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/BookFeature_SexManualView?langId=-1&storeId=10001&catalogId=10001

I’m intrigued to see what contraption they come up with for cylinder jacks.. 🙂

I tend to avoid their manuals, but sometimes buy their tech books out of some morbid curiousity. The welding & autobody books are absolutely dire. My ex wife did teach herself all about Holley 4 barrel carbs from one of their books & I’ve seen her get quite animated about jetting etc at the local dragstrip.

There is a good side to Haynes, take a trip to Sparkford & check out the car museum, the “red room” interesting.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1844250865/203-8922958-3937550

No comment…….

Seems fair. Haynes usually **** it up…

I’ll get me coat.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1844250865/203-8922958-3937550

No comment…….

According to German historians, the battle ended in October 1941!

Possibly stretching it a bit! But the fighting didn’t stop so it is a largely arbitrary time period.

We generally take the end of the battle as being the end of the daylight campaign, but there is a good case to argue the night blitz as being a new phase of the battle rather than a separate battle…

Heh. There’s no defined date of the beginning….. Marcel Julian in his marvellous work on the battle says something like “for the Germans the Battle of Britain began in June, for the RAF it began in May” or something like that.

Hmmmmmm…I think we could have a whole new thread kicking off if we start down this road.

‘Ere’…I’ve just noticed I can’t spell…what’s a Servie? :confused:

Anne