Unreal accidents

Since there are so many new kids on the block, I thought I revive an oldie “unreal accidents”

This is the link:
http://www.keymags.co.uk/cgi-bin/dcforum/dcboard.cgi?az=read_count&om=4…

and just to get us started:

Playing with Mig-21s
I just read a story about a Phantom crew that got a decoration for NOT shooting down two Mig-21s but the migs never returned to base – Yes read it again !!!!
Well, if you read the statistics about the Phantoms kill record in the IAF, you’ll see the following figure:
· Sparrow : 64
· Sidewinder+Shafrir : 96
· Falcon : 5
· Gunfire : 22.5 (one shared with a Mirage IIC)
· 86 : Undetermined
· 5 : maneuvering
Two Phantoms on a reconnaissance mission over an Arab country got an order NOT to shoot down any Migs since this would result in diplomatic mess.
On their way back home, the crew discovered two migs sitting on their tail. A short calculation showed that if the migs got scrambled for the intercept, they must have been flying the past 5 minutes at full afterburner after dropping off their drop tanks – this would leave them about 5 minutes of flight until getting really low on fuel, while the phantoms still carry their drop tanks and are still distant enough then be threatened by the migs…
The pilots decided to go into some maneuvering and started flying in circles, preventing the migs from getting into missile lockup position.
After a while, the Phantom pilots went really low and flew at 1.2 Mach – where they were much faster then the migs, and got away, knowing the migs would have no fuel to get back to base.
After air refueled by an A-4 escorted by F-15s, they landed in Israel. Pilots got decorated for their decision and performance while news arrived about one mig crashing in the desert (pilot ejected) and the other landing on a road and getting damaged while landing….

Guess who?
The pilot of a small freight/mail plane was getting a little complacent in his phraseology, probably because of the rather dull routine of his late-night run. Every weekday at 0215 he would stop at a small airport and check in with: “Good morning Jones field, guess who?”
The lone controller was bored too, but insisted on proper terminology and would lecture the pilot on proper radio technique every morning. The lessons fell on deaf ears and the pilot continued his daily “guess who?” callups.
That is, until the morning the radio crackled: “Jones Field, guess who?” The controller, well prepared, turned off all the lights on the airport and responded “Jones Field, guess WHERE!” establishing proper communications from then on.

C-130 : “Fox-2! Fox-2!”
“There I was” at C-130 Combat Air Tactics School where they teached us to go low & slow and stay alive. One day we were pitted against F-16s from Arkansas.
Once we were in the air, one of the Vipers got the jump on us, he slowed down to make the kill. We outturned him at that slow speed (Luck? Skill?) and put him at our 12. As he turned away from us to go get some smash for another run, our AC couldnt resist squawking out “Fox-2! Fox-2!”
I’d like to quote what the Viper pilot said through the heavy breathing and grunts of his high-g turn but all we could make out was some word that started with an “F” and “you”!

Mig 15 cabriolet
One of our new pilots took up the Mig 15 for a familiarization flight. On his climb out from the airfield the canopy lock failed and the canopy blew back on its rails (luckily they held so that the tail was not sliced off!!).
The pilot elec ted to immediately land, this was a mistake as he was carrying full tanks plus 2 tip tanks and the runway is 6200 long !! (rookie). He landed on the hash marks and then proceeded to blow out the brakes trying to stop. He stopped with about 20feet of runway left before the grass with the brakes on fire. He has the only Mig 15 cabriolet in his log book !!
He has flown 4 aircraft with us and 3 are now in maintenance !!!

The Reaper death machine
The 493d FS has kind of a weird story about its name and squadron insignia. The 493d recently switched from F-111’s to F-15C’s. As you probably already know, there is a great deal of rivalry between true fighter pilots and the guys who drop blivets (bombs) on target. In fact, the 493d has an ongoing rivalry even between other F-15 squadrons, namely those flying the F-15E (492d and 494th). The pilots of the 493d play certain word games in which they cannot ever say the word “bomb” or “aircrew”. If they do, then they have to pay five dollars on the spot. Instead, they use the terms “blivet” and “chapter four”. Chapter four refers to the section of the F-15 flight manual that discusses provisions for a backseater, WSO.
Anyways, the old squadron insignia for the 493d depicted a blivet hitting a bullseye. Of course being a true “fighter squadron”, the pilots of the 493d needed to come up with something more becomming to a squadron of its stature. The squadron came up with a hell raising patch depicting a Grim Reaper holding a scithe which was dripping blood and gore. In a time of political correctness within the Air Force, as you can imagine, the commanders were not very fond of the new design. To top it all off, one of the crew chiefs thought it would be a good idea to paint the Reaper on the underside of one of the F-15’s speedbrakes. Call it fate that an Air Force Times photographer just happened to be present when one of the Eagles taxied by with the speedbrake open, revealing the Reaper death machine for all the world to see. To make a long story short, the picture was printed in the Air Force Times, all hell broke loose, some people got repremanded and the squadron had to revert back to its old patch design… replete with a great big BLIVET in the center of the patch!
To save face, the pilots kept the name of Grim Reapers and only wear their Reaper squadron shirts and patches in the sanctity of their weekly Friday evening escapades in the squadron bar. Hopefully, in the near future, the Reapers will come up with a more satisfactory patch design. Until then, the pilots will have to put up with the ever present, overly cautious, PC world we know as the USAF.

VF-32 crack
I believe it was VF-32, in port with the Saratoga, taking a break from the Viet Nam war, when a brawl erupted at the Cubi Point O Club.
Well, it didn’t start as a brawl .. just a bunch of drinking aviators who were glad to be away from the flak and the SAMs .. but it started to get rowdy to the point where one of the O Club civilian employees felt obliged to call the Shore Patrol to ca lm the free spirits down a little.
The Shore Patrol arrived, both of them, and they were promptly and bodily thrown out the front door. Reinforcements arrived, maybe a half dozen in all, and they too were run off. Things were getting out of hand.
The OOD (Officer of the Day, the head duty guy on base for you non-USN types) was advised of the situation. He decided that only his presence (he was a young Ltjg, if you get the picture) could quell the riot. He and the Marines showed up at the club and started to get a handle on the situation. The j.g. looked around for the senior officer present and settled on the CO of VF-32 who, himself, was settled in one of the plush leather and chrome easy chairs looking out through the two-story high picture windows at Subic Bay.
Bottles and boots and whatever else wasn’t nailed down were still flying thru the air as the j.g. drew himself up in front of the Commander to his tallest and most dignified countenance, pointed to a crack at the bottom of one of the windows, and said “That, sir, is a VF-32 crack.”
The old CO raised his eyes slowly, taking the measure of the young j.g., and slowly rose from his plush chair. He turned around, picked up the chair, lifted it over his head, and threw it through the window. As the glass rained down on both of them, he turned to the j.g. and said, “THAT, sir, is a VF-32 crack”.

hopefully many more to come 🙂

regards,

jw