Airline Humour

an oldie

MIAMI CENTRE:november-1-2-3yankee-zulu,say altitude
N123YZ:”altitude!
MIAMI CENTRE:november-1-2-3yankee-zulu,say airspeed
N123YZ: airspeed!
MIAMI CENTRE:november-1-2-3yankee-zulu,say cancel clearance!
N123YZ: eight thousand feet sir, one hundred fifty knots IAS!”

One more…..

A man has an hour to kill before his flight to Los Angeles. He decides to kill some time at an airport bar. He walks in and sits down next to a clearly nervous guy, who has three empty whisky glasses in front of him. The man introduces himself to the nervous guy, and buys him a drink. The man asks, “Nervous about flying?”

The nervous guy replies, “N-n-nervous? I’m t-terrified. I j-just know the p-plane is g-going t-to crash and we’re g-going to d-die.”

“Is this your first time flying?”

“N-no, I fly c-cross-c-country all the t-time. It’s m-my job.”

“Why don’t you just ask your boss if you can drive cross-country?”

“H-he would never l-let me do that”

“Why not?” asks the man.

“B-because, I’m the p-pilot.”

Optimator, that United one was great! Appropriate since they were No. 1 in the U.S. in on-time performance in 2002.

I know you meant fowl.

Make mine an Optimator (Spaten).

That last one was foul !:D

last one……

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof windshield and smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer’s backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified,the Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the
experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, begging the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA’s short response :……………………

“Thaw the chicken.”

OK, to practice posting, one more—

A mother and her son were flying United Airlines from Kansas to
Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big
cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The flight attendant asked,”Did your mother tell you to ask me?” He said that she had. With a clever grin, she said, “Tell your mother, it’s because United Airlines always pulls out on time.”

LOL. Have seen this before… but I got it a a text message on my mobile, a while back, still very funny. 😀

lol great joke. :p :p :p

laughter is the best medicine

That was a very good joke, and very old thread, September, wow.

Airline Dog.

Rover, Search

A man is sitting in a plane which is about to takeoff when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog is sat in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline. The airline rep said “Don’t mind Rover, he is a sniffer dog, the best there is, I’ll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work.”

The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, “Watch this.” He tells the dog, “Rover, search.” The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler’s arm.

He says “Good boy.” He turns to the first man and says, “That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival.” “Fantastic!” replies the first man.

Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler’s arm.

The airline rep says, “That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of this, and the seat number.” “I like it!” says the first man.

Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. Rover goes up and down the plane aisle and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back and jumps up onto the seat and craps all over the place.

The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks “What’s is going on?”

The handler nervously replies,

“He just found a bomb!”

RE: Airline Humour

That’s the kind of jokes that women like the best 🙂

RE: Airline Humour

Never seen it before Ja! Very good! Anyone here want to give a copy to a F/A or stewerdess or cabin crew (so many names!!) on their next flight?

RE: Airline Humour

That is genious Wysiwyg!

GD1

RE: Airline Humour

Sorry I couldn’t remember if I had posted it.

I like the evolution joke

Give me coffee and no-one gets hurt!

RE: Airline Humour

THE EVOLUTION OF A FLIGHT ATTENDANT

IF SHE’S BEEN FLYING FOR ONE MONTH
She blushes at dirty jokes
She wants to marry a captain
She thinks that a flight attendant’s work leaves her intelligent
She reads ‘What Every Girl Should Know’
She thinks all men are nice
She wears her wings with pride

IF SHE’S BEEN FLYING FOR SIX MONTHS
She smiles at dirty jokes
She wants to marry a second officer
She thinks that a flight attendant’s work leaves her fairly intelligent
She reads ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’
She thinks some men are nice
She wears her wings happily

IF SHE’S BEEN FLYING FOR ONE YEAR
She laughs at dirty jokes
She wants to marry a ramp agent
She thinks that a flight attendant’s work leaves her intelligent enough
She reads ‘The Art of Love’
She hopes some men are nice
She wears her wings doubtfully

IF SHE’S BEEN FLYING FOR THREE YEARS
She tells dirty jokes
She wants to marry a man
She thinks that a flight attendant’s work leaves her a little intelligence
She reads ‘How to Live Alone and Like It’
She knows all men are not nice
She still wears her wings

IF SHE’S BEEN FLYING FOR FIVE YEARS
She invents dirty jokes
She wants to marry
She would rather not have to think
She reads ‘To Have and to Hold’
She would rather wear a ring

IF SHE’S BEEN FLYING FOR TEN YEARS
She is the girl in the dirty jokes
She wants to marry, “but after all, is it really necessary?”
She can’t think
She reads ‘Fact is Better Than Fiction’
She is glad all men are not nice
She wears a mink

RE: Airline Humour

yea….it was posted by you only Ja…. but still a good one. 🙂

RE: Airline Humour

[updated:LAST EDITED ON 08-09-02 AT 07:53 AM (GMT)]Hehe,I think I get it! 😛 😛 😛

RE: Airline Humour

This was posted about a month or so ago. Funny, nonetheless.

GD1