I was in Sainsbury’s the other day. Long queue at the checkout. I was buying a few tins of Doggy Treats for my dog.. The woman in front said:

“Oh, you’ve got a doggy then”,

I was tempted to reply that the tins were for my pet rhino but, I had a bit of time on my hands and said:

” No, I don’t have a dog, I take this food myself because when I go on a doggy diet, it is very good for weight loss. I lost ten pounds in one week. I put a handful of the biscuits in my pocket and when I feel hungry, I have a couple”.

“Mind you I shouldn’t because the last time I did this diet, I finished up in hospital in intensive care with tubes poking out of every orifice”.

The woman said:
“Why was that dear, didn’t Doggy Treats agree with you?”

I said:
“No it wasn’t that. As I crossed the road, I bent down to sniff a Red Setters a##e and got run over.

I’m barred from all the Sainsbury’s in my local area.