Got bored at work tonight, so started playing with one of the opening “plots” to an idea for a series of fictional novel ideas. (Think the idea of people like T. Clancy cramming wars into 600 page novels is boring, so how about a “series” of novels building up to total war?) Nothing special I must admit, but not too bad for thirty minutes of free writing. Needs work and have no clue about the plot or where its going, but tell me what you think:
KHABAROVSK, RUSSIA
FEBRUARY 2ND 2014
“Nothing last forever!” Sergei Bosanko watched from the warmth of his small office as a group of technicians crawled like ants over the waiting An-30, or “Clank” as the West had called it, which sat alone at the end of snow covered Runway Number 3 of Khabarovsk in Russia’s Far East. His father, an expert trapper from the Siberian town of Atrinsk on the outskirts of Omsk, had often quoted the old saying to him when he was a boy. He had never listened of course. Now he had found himself quoting those same words to his subordinates, they never listened either.
The world was changing. The United States, long the self-proclaimed “protector of the free world” had found itself folding in on itself. The great economic collapse of 2013 had brought chaos to American cities. Mass riots, looting and civil disorder had lead to National Guard units all across the country being deployed to assist police forces in keeping the peace. Anarchist groups and anti-government militias in Texas had seized the opportunity that had presented itself and clashes between such groups and US security forces had taken place.
The island paradise of Hawaii had declared its independence from the United States leading to anti-US rallies and riots in South Korea and Japan, a nation long tiring of American control and domination of its culture. In response to these demonstrations, Japans government under the rule of young reformist Prime Minister Akiro Yomato had demanded the withdrawal of US assets on Japanese territory in the Pacific. Japan, struggling with the effects of the new global recession, had found itself facing an uncertain future free of American control.
In Seoul and Beijing, politicians and military strategists keen to exploit the new opportunities that had presented themselves measured distances and studied terrain as both sides modernised long abandoned hopes and dreams.
The Pacific region was on the brink. It would only take a one small spark to ignite the fire of regional war.
Out on the flight line the An-30 had started up its engines, the spinning propellers of the howling engines creating a blizzard of spiralling snow as the “Clank” taxied slowly to the end of the runway.
“Russia must survive!” Those had not been his father’s words, but rather the words of his mysterious friend who had laid the envelope on his desk that cold evening.
It had not been the cold weather that had sent shivers through his body on that night however, but rather the contents of the six page letter found inside the envelope which had contained a set of rather difficult instructions any lesser man may have thought twice to follow, or who would have refused outright to follow.
‘Before you read the contents of that envelope’ the man had said quite pleasantly ‘you must ask yourself one thing, “Am I ready to serve my country?”
Sergei had always considered himself ready to serve his country. The instructions that had been included in that damned envelope however, had tested him.
The transport was now racing down the runway before climbing into the cold crisp winter air. The technicians, oblivious to the nature of the cargo that they had helped to load onto the transport, watched the aircraft disappear into the snow fall before heading toward their nex
By: Lincoln 7 - 18th July 2011 at 11:26
See, it’s there, you just have to get it out right, so it grabs you so much you can’t put it down!!.Put in for 6 months of nights and get it finished. 😉
Jim.
Lincoln .7
By: DrPepper - 18th July 2011 at 01:43
Slight changes based on comments and suggestions. Still struggling with the “gap filler”. Same text as before basically as I said just with some added and minor changes
KHABAROVSK, RUSSIA
FEBRUARY 2ND 2014
“Nothing lasts forever!” Sergei Bosanko watched from the warmth of his small office as a group of technicians crawled like ants over the waiting An-30, or “Clank” as the West had called it, which sat alone in its revetment to the east of snow covered Runway Number 3 of Khabarovsk in Russia’s Far East.
His father, an expert trapper from the Siberian town of Atrinsk on the outskirts of Omsk, had often quoted the old saying to him when he was a boy. He had never listened of course. Now he had found himself quoting those same words to his subordinates, they never listened either.
The world was changing. Many could see it, many more denied it, but it was happening and it was happening at an alarming pace. Centuries ago, Empires ruled for many centuries before finding themselves challenged by an equal rival. Empires like that of Rome or Persia had ruled for what must have seemed like an eternity to the subjects of such nations. Today thanks to technology, trade and in no small part to an increased level of blind arrogance by those who held the power it seemed the world could change in a matter of months if not weeks.
The United States, long the self-proclaimed “protector of the free world” and seen by many as an unstoppable force had found itself folding in on itself. The great economic collapse of 2013 had brought chaos to American cities. Mass riots, looting and civil disorder had led to National Guard units all across the country being deployed to assist police forces in keeping the peace.
In Texas, Vermont and Missouri anarchist groups and anti-government “Patriot” militias had seized the opportunity that had presented itself. Clashes between the larger “Patriot” militias such as the Kentucky based Confederate State Home Guard and US security forces had often escalated from small scale demonstrations to armed resistance.
The island paradise of Hawaii had declared its independence from the United States on the 2nd of November 2013 leading to immediate anti-US rallies and riots in South Korea and Japan, a nation long tiring of American control and domination of its culture.
In response to these demonstrations, Japans government under the rule of young reformist Prime Minister Akiro Yomato had demanded the withdrawal of US assets on Japanese territory in the Pacific. Japan, struggling with the effects of the new global recession, had found itself facing an uncertain future free of American control and in need of securing its boundaries.
In Seoul and Beijing, politicians and military strategists keen to exploit the new opportunities that had suddenly presented themselves measured distances and studied terrain as both sides modernised long abandoned hopes and dreams of conquest.
The Pacific region was on the brink. It would only take one small spark to ignite the fire of regional war.
Out on the flight line the An-30 had started up its engines, the spinning propellers of the howling engines creating a blizzard of spiralling snow as the pilot of the “Clank” warmed his engines from the frosty bite of the bitter Siberian winter.
Sergei could clearly see the most senior of the ground technicians discussing last minute safety checks with the aircrafts load master before the technician gave a smart salute and the load master disappeared up the rear ramp of the aircraft. The loading ramp raised itself from the ground moments later. It was finished; his part at least, was done.
“Russia must survive!” Those had not been his father’s words, but rather the words of General Igor Ushenko of the FSB. It had been Ushenko that had laid this burden upon him. Ushenko had laid the envelope on his desk that cold evening.
It had not been the cold weather that had sent shivers through his body on that night however, but rather the instructions of the six page letter found inside the envelope. Instructions that any lesser man may have thought twice to follow, or who would have refused outright to follow.
‘Before you read the contents of that envelope’ Ushenko had said quite pleasantly ‘you must ask yourself one thing, “Am I ready to serve my country?”
Sergei had always considered himself ready to serve his country. The instructions that had been included in that damned envelope however, had tested him.
Fifteen minutes had passed from the moment that the cargo doors had closed to the moment the “Clank” slowly taxied to the end of the runway. For every second of each minute, Sergei had expected to hear the approach of the OMON contingent stationed at Khabarovsk. A phone call with the orders to stand down. Perhaps even the sound of his bedside alarm clock to wake him from this nightmare. Instead, the minutes ticked by without event.
Sergei now watched as the transport raced down the runway before climbing into the cold crisp winter air. The technicians, oblivious to the nature of the cargo that they had helped to load onto the transport, watched the aircraft disappear into the snow fall before heading toward their next job of the day.
“Nothing last forever!” Those had been his father’s words. Sergei poured himself a fresh cup of tea and lit his last cigarette before turning the lighter on the contents of the envelope. He tossed the burning pages unceremoniously into the waste bin beside his desk. Watching the small fire reach its peak before dying away quickly leaving nothing but burnt ash, Sergei couldn’t help but repeat his father’s words before adding ‘Least of all peace.’
By: Lincoln 7 - 17th July 2011 at 23:58
Hi Daz. Sounds interesting. I too read Dr Peppers “Story” twice, and then, like you, would have liked to have been told more.
Dr Pepper, get your finger out, and get writing some more.;)
Jim.
Lincoln .7
By: DazDaMan - 17th July 2011 at 23:50
It’s a kids’ story about a boy who adopts a mythical kelpie. He befriends it and manages to become its master.
By: Lincoln 7 - 17th July 2011 at 23:41
Whats the gist of it Daz?.
Jim.
Lincoln .7
By: DazDaMan - 17th July 2011 at 23:31
I’ve had a chance to read it over again, and it’s got quite a lot of intrigue in it already, certainly enough to make me want to read more.
Incidentally, I’ve just finished my first draft of my first novel, and those who have read it/heard it being read liked it because every chapter ended on sort of a cliffhanger, making them want to read on….
By: Lincoln 7 - 17th July 2011 at 21:37
Hi Dr Pepper. I would suggest reading between the lines, you will me making the effort. I, personaly, send Kev a P.M. as I.M.H.O. he would be able to tell you if the facts, if it being a factual book would be a good idea.or whether it would require too much research.
Jim.
Lincoln .7
By: DrPepper - 17th July 2011 at 17:55
Daz, I must honestly say I did not know that lol, but yes that is a nerdy fact.
Lincoln, thanks for the positive comments. As I already mentioned this is simply 30 minutes of “I’m bored what shall I do” nonsense :p.
Back in 1998 as a student in college I did actually have two short stories published in a “new horror” omnibus meant for new talent, however I have had little time for creative writing in recent years but would like to get back into the hobby. Picking it up again after so long is proving difficult, more so when it comes to fresh ideas.
For example, who has never read a book involving China, Russia or Iran as the main culprits or which involves the US as the worlds saviour?
My idea, God only knows how I’m going to do this, is to create a series of novels which escalate book by book from border conflicts and territorial disputes leading to all out war. This series will be set in a world where the US no longer has or wants the “World Police” role that it has been taking on. This either will be due to a collapsed economy, a new isolationist government refusing to intervene in world affairs or some other reason I have yet to concieve of. In a way, it will be a series aimed at looking at how the other world powers would act in a world where the US is no longer able or willing to use force.
Anyway, night shift again tonight so will be typing away at barmy ideas again lol.
By: Lincoln 7 - 17th July 2011 at 14:44
Dr Pepper, Regardless of what is said, I found it interesting. Anyone can criticise, some is pertinant, some is rubbish, some is good advice worth thinking about.
I have an old saying, thought up by myself.
“The man who has never made a mistake, has yet to be born”.
Give it a whirl, J.K. Rowling didn’t do too bad writing/ starting off somewhere.
Better than doing nothing and only realising that you should have done it at the time.
Good luck, and if you ever need an Agent………………………………..;)
Jim.
Lincoln .7
By: DazDaMan - 17th July 2011 at 12:32
Nerd fact – “Nothing Lasts Forever” was the title of the novel that eventually became….
DIE HARD
😀
By: DrPepper - 17th July 2011 at 05:33
Hi Deskpilot and thanks for the criticism, yeah I know the sentences are a little long and ramble, however I wrote this at 3am to keep my eyes open lol : ). Not much of it makes sense, as I said it was just 30 minutes of free writing, doesn’t have a plot and certainly grammer could be better.
As for the time frames, yes agree but couldn’t think of a “filler” to keep it going.
By: Deskpilot - 17th July 2011 at 04:30
Hmmmm. Got a crystal ball have we Dr P? Your scenario re the collapse of US domination could well be ‘on the ball’. However, some well meant criticism. Some of your sentences are way too long and rambling. Break them down a bit and add some clarity. Continuity. The aircraft is sitting at the end of runway 3, but later taxis to it ?? Time frames jump on too fast, eg, time from engine start to taxiing. In weather that cold, I think there’d be a considerable warm up time. Oh, and the mysterious friend. Whist it’s not impossible to have a friend who is somewhat mysterious, I doubt that that is the impression you’re after. An un-named stranger who acted mysteriously is more likely.
Sorry to be picky but I read a lot and have trouble with many writers. I also hate poor continuity in films or TV programs. It’s so obvious to us viewers I sometimes wonder what the editors get paid for.
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July 17, 2011 at 4:06 am