I thought it would be a fair idea to have a laugh on the forum, God only knows we need a laugh these days but please BE WARNED the MODS will not hesitate to wipe the smile off our faces if it’s not some joke that all the family can look at, and hopefully laugh at.
Lincoln .7
By: Firebex - 31st March 2011 at 22:09
English weather
In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission
for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as …..”English Weather.’
Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the population, it will now be referred to
as ‘Muslim Weather.’
In other words – ‘partly Sunni, but mostly Shi’ite :diablo:
By: Firebex - 31st March 2011 at 22:04
Should children witness childbirth?
Due to a power cut, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3 -yr old girl to hold a torch high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.
Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3 -yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place…
smack his **** again!”
:D:D:D:D:D:DIf you don’t laugh at this one there is no hope for you!!
By: Lincoln 7 - 28th March 2011 at 18:30
You surely don’t expect us to trawl our way through 50 plus posts just to avoid repetition do you, Linc??;);)
Would you read a book from the END to it’s begining?:D
Lincoln .7 :p
By: Sky High - 28th March 2011 at 17:50
You surely don’t expect us to trawl our way through 50 plus posts just to avoid repetition do you, Linc??;);)
By: Lincoln 7 - 28th March 2011 at 17:47
A mate of mine accidentally ate a daffodil bulb,although he suffered food poisoning and was rushed into hospital the doctors said he would be out by spring.:confused::)
May I point my Learned friend to thread number two on this Post.:diablo:
Lincoln .7
By: The"Eh"Team - 28th March 2011 at 15:17
A mate of mine accidentally ate a daffodil bulb,although he suffered food poisoning and was rushed into hospital the doctors said he would be out by spring.:confused::)
By: Firebex - 27th March 2011 at 22:01
proposed cuts to the NHS
Proposed cuts to the National Health Service
The British Medical Association has weighed in on Prime Minister David Cameron’s health care proposals.
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the Paediatricians said, “Oh, Grow up!”
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The ENT specialists smelt “a rat”, didn’t swallow it, and just wouldn’t hear of it.
The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter….”
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pi**** off at the whole idea.
The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a****holes in London!
By: Lincoln 7 - 27th March 2011 at 21:58
Shall I rephrase that for you? – not losing fast, but lost several years ago.:(
Quite right Pete, round about the time I left the job. 😉
Lincoln .7
:diablo:
By: PeeDee - 27th March 2011 at 21:05
It’s somewhere on here, couldn’t find it.
I think it went like this….
It was an alleged conversation between Control Tower and a Hercules?
Tower….”XyZ123, you are on hold behind a B-52 with an Engine out”
Herc “OH NO, not the dreaded 7 ENGINED approach!!)
By: Sky High - 27th March 2011 at 15:14
Shall I rephrase that for you? – not losing fast, but lost several years ago.:(
By: Lincoln 7 - 27th March 2011 at 15:05
In my “Younger day” you didn’t call them anything, and if they were coming towards you on the foorpath, you crossed over the road.
YET again, it all boils down to RESPECT, which I am sorry to say, they are losing fast.
Lincoln .7
By: mike currill - 27th March 2011 at 13:11
Me too, hence my original smiley. I cannot recall ever calling a police constable “officer”. He is a constable – in service terms, an NCO, as is a sergeant.
I wonder how may more of us are of the same mind? Quite a few I think.
By: Lincoln 7 - 26th March 2011 at 13:04
Many a true word spoken in jest,( cos we are the best!);)
Lincoln .7
By: laviticus - 26th March 2011 at 12:47
The US and British Navy were recently on manoeuvres in the Persian gulf. The communications officer on the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise sent a radio message to the British carrier HMS Illustrious – ” And how’s the 2nd biggest Navy in the world today then??”
To which the Illustrious officer responded – ” Fine. How’s the 2nd best ??”
The USS Enterprise did not reply.
By: Lincoln 7 - 26th March 2011 at 12:05
Nice one Bud, keep em coming.
L.7
By: Wellington285 - 26th March 2011 at 03:47
PeeDee
Brilliant
By: PeeDee - 25th March 2011 at 20:14
Right on Q, I got this in an Email tonight.
A new supermarket opened near me.
It has an automatic water misting device to keep produce fresh. Just before it turns on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the dairy case, you hear cows moo, and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.
In the meat department, there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brats.
In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Miller Lite.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.
By: PeeDee - 25th March 2011 at 19:18
Deleted, may be seen as bad taste by some.
By: Lincoln 7 - 25th March 2011 at 18:55
Liviing next door to my local nick, I never see one to call them anything,……………………..except, lazy, bone idle B****** who, even when there are several in there, they never answer the door bell when rung by a member of the public.
Lincoln .7
By: Sky High - 25th March 2011 at 08:40
I’m totally non PC anyway I remember the days when PC stood for Police Constable and more recently Personal Computer. They are not constables any more though are they? They are Police Officers, not in my book unless they are above the rank of Sergeant.
Me too, hence my original smiley. I cannot recall ever calling a police constable “officer”. He is a constable – in service terms, an NCO, as is a sergeant.
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March 22, 2011 at 12:06 pm