Why it's bad to be a blonde in a horror movie.

YOU GET KILLED!!

Plain and simple.

Let’s look at the facts, shall we??

Susan Backlinie – Jaws: Eaten by shark. Result: DEAD!

Sarah Michelle Gellar – Scream 2: Stabbed and thrown out of a window. Result: DEAD!

Drew Barrymore – Scream: Stabbed and gutted like a fish, then hung from a tree. Result: DEAD!

Chick on banana-boat in Jaws – The Revenge: Eaten by shark. Result: DEAD!

Carmen Electra – Scary Movie: Stabbed, and stabbed some more. Result: DEAD!!

Rose McGowan – Scream: Crushed by car door after trying to escape through catflap (dumbass). Result: DEAD (and in a pretty gnarly way, too!)!!

Jenny McCarthy – Scream 3: Flung through a plate glass window, then stabbed. Result: DEAD as Dillinger.

HOWEVER, if you’re a brunette or redhead, your chances of survival are pretty high, at least until a couple of sequels in. Let’s look at the facts:

Jenny Agutter – An American Werewolf In London – got boned by the werewolf. Result: probably had a werewolf baby (which resulted in the God-awful sequel …In Paris): LIVED

Jamie Lee Curtis – Hallowe’en – chased around and suffered a few cuts and bruises (and a sh*tload of psychotherapy besides). Result: LIVES (until one of the really lame recent sequels).

Heather Langenkamp – Nightmare on Elm Street: chased around her nightmares by a hideous childkiller (I have similar dreams, only they are ex-girlfriends, equally hideous, however!). Result: LIVES, only to buy the farm in NOES-3.

You see, people, if you are planning an acting career, DYE YOUR HAIR!! That way, you live to the end of the movie! Here endeth the lesson! 😉