Not quite up to the standard of this years contender but I hope you enjoy the following.
Following a very uncomfortable high speed dash into town (speeds of over 50mph in a 30 limit in residential areas etc.) as our driver tried to make up for lost time I penned the following to our local bus depot manager.
I got a bland stock reply but never saw the driver on that route again !
Sent: Wednesday, June 19, 2002 2:41 PM
Subject: Is the 66A a time machine ?
Dear Mr Riches,
Please convey my thanks to the driver of this mornings 66a Rowhedge to Colchester 08.42 service for the manner in which I and the rest of my fellow travellers were transported into town. I was only reading in the paper yesterday how scientists in Australia are claiming to have proved the theory that teleportation at the speed of light is possible yet all along First Group seem to have already perfected the technology of time travel as I seemed to be only a few moments later than usual on arrival.
Was it some miracle of computer assisted fly by wire collision avoidance technology that allowed us to scatter errant cyclists, on coming traffic, pedestrians halfway across zebra crossing’s etc. as we made the leap into hyperspace or were we in the presence of greatness ? The consummate ease that our young pilot displayed in negotiating all the obstacles placed along the trajectory of the ground hugging missile we were being conveyed in was indeed a master class, all judged to within a thousandth of an inch and mostly conducted with a single casual hand on the tiller.
Surely a name for the future should Han Solo or Luke Skywalker take early retirement.
I must report however that whilst most coped well with the G-forces, the Doppler shift effect was rather disconcerting to some of the pensioners aboard.
Yes they liked the blue tinge to everything ahead and the pink off to the sides but found the red glow in the sky when looking out of rear of the vehicle all little upsetting as it reminded some of them of the Blitz.
Perhaps this is something you could address to your technical department on the other hand you may find it cheaper to provide some stress councillors on routes where there is a high density of senior citizens.
I am also sure that those toddlers that foolishly cowered under their terrified mothers coats for most of the journey will get to like it eventually when they get older, unless they and their parents are regular travellers in which case they will probably get younger.
On the positive however side some of the more youthful members of those present displayed a countenance only usually seen on the faces of those enjoying the latest facilities at Alton Towers so, despite the fact that the price of the journey has increased by some 90% in the seven years I have been using the service, the fact we are now diverted from the quickest route through two estates both bereft any passengers and have a less frequent and totally unpredictable service, when compared to the cost of a day ticket at the UK’s most visited thrill attraction £1.40 for a go on the First Bus 66A Millennium Falcon seems most reasonable.
I wonder in future years if I will be able to take my yet uncontemplated grandchildren to the science museum in London where they can gaze in wide eyed wonderment on the slumbering 66A now lovingly preserved for posterity as I recount to them the day that “I travelled in that very machine way back in June 2002” and how when I got on board I needed a shave and had no need for Valium, but when I got off the other end I found I no longer needed the former but craved the latter.
I intend to frame my ticket for this particular journey in the hope that it may one day become a collectors item as I believe it actually shows the correct time ( 08.56 ) of blast off from Rectory Road, unlike my usual one that shows 08.43 what ever time the bus appears or after today’s journey should I now use the phrase “materialises”.
Apart from the usual printed details of service route, time, date and fare paid the top line has the digits 23979 and the lower 901005 then 661924 and finally 305.
I hope the information above is of some use to you in identifying the young rocketeer concerned to pass on my thanks for today’s most exciting adventure.
Sadly they like most of your employees seemed to have fallen victim to the fashion of wearing their “PSV pilots wings” low on the belt out of sight, rather than on the lapel or breast pocket where the drivers number would be properly visible. I am just a layman when it comes to public transport drivers licence regulations so there may already be a rule covering this.
I would be most interested in your comments and further enlightenment as to when or if your company intends to carry out any further experiments regarding passenger trauma thresholds on the 66A route, in order that I may avoid them.
Yours sincerely
Phil Appleton
Rowhedge
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May 28, 2004 at 8:20 pm