Teenage pregnancy – who is to blame?

The mother of the girl said in an interview that when her daughter needed an operation last year (an appendix, I think) she had to sign several forms giving permission for the operation as the childs parent and guardian. She asked how come her daughter could have this vitally necessary operation only after she had signed the forms and yet none of these forms or the permission were needed to terminate the pregnancy.
I guess that someone, somewhere, with the appropriate authority decided that it would be in the childs best interest to go along without the parents permission. Probably from social services; they can do that sort of thing, apparently…

Flood.™

Well that is a bloody shame! I can’t begin to comprehend something like that. You are just obliged to get parental permission and if not by law you just should do it morally!

I was sensible (we both were). The use of contraception was something that just made perfect sense. Sure, it failed sometimes, so it was a quick trip to the doc for the morning after pill. Fathers? Dunno what they’d have done to me. But hey, they need to be realistic. You know, I think my dad finally realised that I wasn’t keeping it in my pants when I was 22. Thats naive.

Oh, the 11 was an early one-off. Next time was 13, then waited a few more years before the stalking paid off…

And either way, my parents would have been approached first. Fear or not, they would have been approached first. And an illegitimate child of mine would have meant nothing in the will for any of us, my dad felt strongly about that. That was the way he was brought up and he has some views which may sound harsh out of context, but aren’t. He is a lovely gentle old chap, my dad. And a great grandpa!

The mother of the girl said in an interview that when her daughter needed an operation last year (an appendix, I think) she had to sign several forms giving permission for the operation as the childs parent and guardian. She asked how come her daughter could have this vitally necessary operation only after she had signed the forms and yet none of these forms or the permission were needed to terminate the pregnancy.
I guess that someone, somewhere, with the appropriate authority decided that it would be in the childs best interest to go along without the parents permission. Probably from social services; they can do that sort of thing, apparently…

Flood.™

Sounds like you have everything under control, for her and for your self. You are not naive which is also a good thing and you are willing to help her anyway you can without being too protective. Sounds like she will have a happy child hood and will grow up as a responsible citizen.

I was just wondering, in the UK should you not have parental approval to have any kind of operation? I know here in Holland you need it if you are a minor, except for first aid of course.

What would her father have done to you?

I know what my father would have done to me……. 😮

A lot too much info there:eek: – I trust that the gents at the station had one of those machines in it?
But whatever happened, you were not the embarrassed father of a bouncing baby when you and your partner were barely into your teens. Either you were both lucky, or something worked…(Can’t say it didn’t work, not with one and one on the way!;))

BUT,
What would have happened if your partner had ‘succumbed’ and you’d found yourselves as being parents to be? What would your parents have said/done? What would her father have done to you?;) Would it have been easier on the two of you to have had a quiet word with a teacher or the school nurse (or whoever) and it all got ‘sorted out’?

Flood.™

I was 11. Sex happens. It is a parental responsibility, and the schools authority, to inform children of the truth about sex. tell them its great, tell them its emotionally challenging. Tell them it can put your life on a course that may or may not be the best course to steer. Point out that pregnancy aint fun, childbirth aint fun (seen them. No thanks) and STD’s aint fun (been there). Point out that having to be responsible for another person at that age is very difficult. Make sure thay know that wjhatever happens to them, they are your child and you will be there for them no matter what and that they won’t ever be judged harshly for making a bad choice. BUT. Point out its natural and that they will want to do it. Point out they don’t have to, and half their mates who say they have haven’t.

My feelings are that my daughter one day will start wondering about sex, and be doing it. I won’t be there to protect her, so the knowledge i’ll impart before then may. She’ll know that daddy is daddy and is always going to be daddy, and is always going to be there when needed. And is always there to listen. No matter what. She’ll stray from the straight and narrow i’m sure. She’ll get drunk, get laid, get stoned. She’ll smoke, she’ll shoplift, she’ll fight. Bar the shoplifting I did the same. And so did most of the people I knew. That’s part of growing up. I am prepared for it. If she wants to bring her boyfriend home and go up to her room to play about thats fine with me. Be a damn sight more pleasurable for her than it was for either me or her mum. Cars, fields, forests, riverbanks, beaches, public toilets, swimmimg pools, the sea, behind the coke machine at Lowestoft Station at 5pm on a sunday afternoon …..perhaps a little too much info there! Give here saftey if she wants it, security if she wants it, comfort if she wants it, but above all take away any shame or guilt from things. And hopefully she’ll be careful.

But in this particular case I think that the school ‘advisor’ shouldn’t have even been in the position she held. And she definitely shouldn’t have taken the responsibility of helping a teenager to abort. She should never be allowed to work with minors again. It’s time the bloody education system started being made accountable for its multitudre of failings.

Are you saying that, when you were their age, you wouldn’t have jumped at the opportunity?
It has already been said that you cannot keep children in the shadow of the family until they leave home, are you adovocating that a parent should deliver and pick up the child from school and then it should be locked in the house until school again?
Were you a pleasent child? Can you claim that you never lied to your parents? You were always where you said you were; you never played truant or sneaked off own the park when they thought you were revising at a friends house?
Maybe you are a parent yourself – or will be. How will you prevent your kids from straying from the straight and narrow?

Just asking.

Flood.™

I blame the parents for not being strict enough.

Unfortunately if you tell them not to do it, they will. May be we should encourage minors to have sex below the age of 16, just like their parents did. Then they would consider it to be un cool and wait until they are 16+

If only all problems could be handled that easily :D. I think that you should be very open to your children when it comes to sex, drugs and alcohol. You should point out the dangers of course. That said you can’t forbid them to do anything only educate them. Look at the difference in alcohol abuse in countries like the Netherlands and America. As I understand it in America teenagers drink a lot more then in Holland even though in Holland you can drink legally from 16, but you won’t be denied a drink if you are 15 or even 14. But you have to do it with some sense that’s all. I have a number of friends whom either did a year of high school in the US or studied there and they all said that Alcohol abuse is higher and even Drugs abuse. If you look at the statistics you will find that there is also a higher drug abuse in the US and the teenage pregnancies are also higher. Perhaps this is because it is kind of the forbidden fruit in a highly christianised society as the US. I don’t know….

You know what they say, Boys will be boys and girls will be mothers

Unfortunately if you tell them not to do it, they will. May be we should encourage minors to have sex below the age of 16, just like their parents did. Then they would consider it to be un cool and wait until they are 16+

It does beg the question would you like something like brenmcc1 breeding – or even attempting to procreate?;) – Nermal

Dutchy – in Britain the age of consent is 16. Below that and the law should be taking a big interest in who is doing what to whom – but rarely does. – Nermal

Sent To our Homes!!!!

Tony Blar! WE WANT FREE CONDOMS!

Really, you aren’ t allowed by law to have sex as a minor? Strange country you live in. Ofcourse I didn’t mean that their parents should be send to jail. I meant that if the baby was born they should have the financial and social responsibility for this child. It is their grand child in that way. Parents can’t know everything the child does, but can be held accountable for it. But the first stap would be inform the parents and not let this child and someone from school decide on such matters. That is what went wrong here I think.

As for abortion, it is really easy, it is the choise of the mother and father to be and nobody else but them.

The issue of teenage single moms is a sticky issue because there is so much hidden agendas and false piosity. Let me start off with the obvious, many teenage girls want to be moms, and the babyboomer generation of parents support and even want their daughter to be single moms. All this stuff about who is responcible is most often alot of crocadile tears to make the situation look like it was all an unplanned accident. Im not going to be judgemental and say, no, teenage girls shouldnt be mothers. I think any woman should have the right to be a single mom, there is no reason a woman should have to depend on a man or be in a relationship with a man to have a baby (even though I think thats the best way).
The other issue about parents having to be informed of a daughters pregnancy or intent to have an abortion is a difficult problem which I dont have any easy answere for.

Sorry.
It appeared to me that the schools health worker might have been a little too caring for the girl; should this person not have been aware that sex for one so young is, apparently, still illegal; although, of course, you can not tell kids that without inflaming their curiosity further nor, probably, breaking their human rights.
The mother seems to blame the school: but shouldn’t she have been concerned about what her daughter was doing? After all, sex between minors is still illegal.
The school has left themselves open to criticism: yes there is always going to be cases where it is much better that the childs parents do not know what has happened, but then shouldn’t social services be involved since obviously the parents are not exhibiting full parental control over their offspring. Anyway, either the human biology section of their education was too good or not good enough: go figure.
The boy, once again, will almost certainly escape punishment and become a hero to his mates. Is that right? I understand that the boys family are featured in a tabloid today – will this be one of those “she made me do it” type of cover-ups?
The authorities seem to be content to let these matters sort themselves out – if there was a bit more heavy-handed intervention and maybe some official outcry then maybe it wouldn’t be such a, apparently, common occurence.
But how would any punishment be meted out? Both are too young for any sort of fine and sending them to prison would be a human rights nightmare – punish the parents for letting the kids get out of hand? Never happen.

Flood.™

[i]Mother angry at secret abortion
Should the school have done what it did?
Should the school have involved the girls parents?
Should the law be applied to underaged fathers-to-be?
Should the childrens parents be held more responsible for the actions of their offspring?
Is this any concern of anyone else but those involved?

Flood.™

Question 1
For most the school is a secure place, so if the girl goes to someone within het school they should talk to her, but…………..

Question 2
……they should have insisted that the childs parents are informed since, for the least reason, they are responsible for a 14 y/o. But the main reason is, ofcourse, a child should be able to go to their parents to talk about these kind of problems.

Question 3
Perhaps the parents of the father should be made responsible, just like every parent is responsible for their child.

Question 4
Yes!

Question 5
No, not primairly.

Most difficult subject you have choosen Flood.