One for the beer drinkers…..

That Cheers sketch is classic ! 😀

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Very funny LOL :):p

I’ve always liked this one:

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SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It’s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.

SYMPTOM: Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room you’re in.
FAULT: You’ve wandered into the wrong party.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.

SYMPTOM: Don’t remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right

Doctor: your liver is a bit swollen jack do you drink more than six glasses a day
Jack: **** i spill more than that

I’m sorry, but this one just had to come back up!?! (no pun intended)

– What if beer was available at work?…..

1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don’t
care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there’s no longer a need to relax at the
bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting “Bare ass” on the copy machine will no longer be seen as
gross.

Oh & if you’ve made it this far, here are a few more ……

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. “
~Frank Sinatra
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“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his
fools.”
~ Ernest Hemingway
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“Drink problem? I drink, I fall over. No problem.”
~WC Fields
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
~ Henny Youngman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”
~ Stephen Wright

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“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
fall asleep, we commit no sin.. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!”
~ Brian O’Rourke

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
~ Benjamin Franklin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
~ Dave Barry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
~ “Unknown”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One
afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his
buddy Norm. Here’s how it went:
“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as
fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain
cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

– makes complete sense to me