War jokes

Hey hey hey! Don’t stop the jokes a coming!

Guilty as charged! The way I read it looked like you were playing the defender of the rodina role again so I fell into stereotype.

Points noted and attitude adjusted. Sense of humour reboot in progress!;)

Jonesy… you must have been having a slow day…. this is a joke thread… I corrected someone who inferred that the worlds largest (geographically) country wasn’t big…. are you getting it yet?

I realise British humour is at its best in the toilet (British toilet humour is the best) but please do some work to up your game in other areas…

Sorry mate , my fault for digressing from the original thread , I will start another thread , back to the war jokes !!!!!!!!

Jonesy,

I just read your last post. Being as this is the joke section. I read it again just to see if I missed something. It wasn’t funny. British humo(u)r ? 😀

Alastair,

I wasnt referring to China with my comment about economic and political marginalisation. Garry’s comment, to me, seemed to be inferring that you were wrong saying that Russia wasnt “big”.

I was making the point that definitely economically and now, with the US/UK and most of Eatern Europe effectively ignoring their opinions, perhaps politically as well Russia is no longer a “big” power.

I agree with what you are saying about the Chinese being sleeping giants and with the demilitarisation of much of their economy they can only become economically stronger IF they can keep all their plates spinning at the same time. I’ve heard many commentators talk of fractures and fiefdoms occuring within provincial China, particularly following on from the cracking of the “Iron Rice Bowl” and that removal of the PLA from Chinese industry. The doomsayers have already commented on a return to the feudal warlord system that existed in China stretching back into antiquity!.

How accurate any of this is I can’t say beyond the fact that its been discussed. The reason I bring this up though is to address your second point of Chinese involvement in any future North Korean scenario as being seen to “support” a US position may be politically very disruptive with the PLA ranks.

The things I’ve seen on this situation have just been from western and Japanese media sources, but, they seem to indicate that China WOULD get involved IF it had the backing of Japan, the ROK (defacto the US) and at least a nod from the Russians to do so. Japan, I believe, has made a statement that it would want to get involved in an intervention which is unsuprising seeing the nature of the nuclear threat to it posed by a “desperate” NK regime.

It is entirley concievable, therefore, that if a clear consensus regionally (note the UNSC is explicitly not mentioned here as the Chinese have said that they dont see the need for Security Council interference in what they see as a regional issue) is achieved and the US can water down its “axis of evil” rhetoric and work with the Chinese, ROK and Japanese that a predominately regional solution to the NK problem can be achieved. Has to be said of course that for the Koreans, Chinese and Japanese all to put aside a few hundred years of historical bad blood and work together on the issue may be quite revolutionary all on its own – nuclear weapons do have that effect though I suppose!

BTW sorry for violating standing orders Ink. 😀

poor sod is just nursing an inferiority complex.

“Interested to find out your Half greek! too bad you have the weak strain (british) holding you back!”

Only 1/8 Greek (great grandmother, Maternal side). Its the weakest link bar the Albanian eighth.

And I am NOT British – I’m English. I have no link to the Welsh, the Scottish or the Ulster boys thank you very much.

What’s the national bird of Iraq?

DUCK!

Orders boys:

Keep the jokes coming

Stop attacking peoples nationalities – whatever their opinions

Keep the jokes coming

Refer back to my first post where I stated that anti-war jokes are as welcome as pro-war jokes

Keep the jokes coming.

Originally posted by Jonesy
Economically, and now perhaps politically too, its not!.

Steve just out of interest , I’ve noticed that amongst the clamour of war none of the papers have picked up on the increasing clamour from North Korea – especially whilst the US and SK were wargaming , if it came to the crunch and the US did strike at the NK’s nuclear sites do you think that China would intervene , they have already stated they do not want another nuclear capable state bordering them ??? , time for a new thread ???

Snapper

Interested to find out your Half greek! too bad you have the weak strain (british) holding you back!:cool:

Here’s another:-

THE OLD SAILOR
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more for old times sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He’s soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks,

“How am I doing?

The prostitute replies, “Well old sailor, you’re doing about three knots.”Three knots?” he asks, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She says, “You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back!”

Hmm don’t know about politically , newcomers like Zhu Rongji seem more willing to open up China’s economy , with the largest population the scope for modernizing is endless – unfortunately as long as the old guard remain in place outside investment is pretty strictly controlled – so economically China is a sleeping giant.
Relations with the US did seem to be improving – until China published it’s report on the USA’s human rights breaches last week !! , look’s like it’s back to square one.

Economically, and now perhaps politically too, its not!.

“I can only see one big country listed here , China.”

Hehehehehe… he doesn’t think the biggest country in the world is big…

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ad0nis
[B]Ageorge I can’t help laughing everytime you post, are all Brits like you sexually frustrated, emotionaly retarded?? Britis ain’t all that, you like to think you are because you once had an empire (ONCE being the operative word).

Tsk Tsk you call Greeks spineless, wasn’t it Winston Churchill himself who described heros as Greeks and everytime you say Hero in future you should say Greeks, what’s the matter selective memory.

I’ll stoop to your level and post a joke….would you like that ageorge??

Hey Adonis , nice to see you finally managed to read the thread title at last , war jokes !! , being Greek actually qualifies you as a war joke so you are more than welcome to post !! .
The British Empire really ceased to exist at the turn of the last century , however , we are still part of the Commonwealth , the same Commonweath which sent it’s pilots into battle in old Biplanes to try and help the Geeks .

Keep the posts coming , half of our office is creasing up at these , me , I’m just posting out of badness and I’m getting bored at work .

LMAO. Thats the best one you’ve posted so far. Thanks for stooping to our moronic and cretinous level.

I’m part Greek, but I am PROUD to say i’m English.

Now, I think that some of the personal remarks made about Adonis have gone WAY too far. He has a different opinion, that is all. Time out, take five, whatever.

Just Behave.

Ageorge I can’t help laughing everytime you post, are all Brits like you sexually frustrated, emotionaly retarded?? Britis ain’t all that, you like to think you are because you once had an empire (ONCE being the operative word).

Tsk Tsk you call Greeks spineless, wasn’t it Winston Churchill himself who described heros as Greeks and everytime you say Hero in future you should say Greeks, what’s the matter selective memory.

I’ll stoop to your level and post a joke….would you like that ageorge??

———————————————————————————

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen.
He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to
surround herself with intelligent people.

He asks how she knows if they’re intelligent. “I do so by asking
them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.”

She phones Tony Blair and says, “Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer
this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?”

Tony Blair responds, “It’s me, ma’am.”

“Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Queen. She hangs up and
says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?”

“Yes, ma’am. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!”

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he’d better put the
Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He
summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, “Senator Helms, I
wonder if you can answer a question for me.”

“Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?” “Uhh, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get
back to you?” Bush agrees, and Helms leaves.

Helms immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican
senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but
nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms
calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

“Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has
a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is
it?” Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course, you dumb
cracker.”

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, “I
know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s Colin Powell!”

And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, it’s Tony Blair.”

Taken directly from a British Daily paper :-

I just love the French , they taste just like Chicken ,
Hannibal Lecter

I would rather have a German Division in front of me than a French one behind me .
General Patton

We can stand here like the French ……or we can do something about it . Marge Simpson

Next time there’s a war in Europe , the loser gets to keep France.
Anon

All other countries are opposed to this war, The “Big Four” Germany, France China, Russia AND you following blindly the yankie Doodle Dandys…..what does that say about your demeanour?? Have a think about it.

I can only see one big country listed here , China.

Heard the one about the Brits, telling jokes about their own soldiers fighting in iraq??………

i’ll let you finish the punch line! [/B][/QUOTE]

Too busy laughing at Emails from 2 mates who are with the Royal Scots near Basra, Alan and Stuart , I get an Email a week from both of them , but they are a bit coarse to be posted here , I will send them on to selected members , you know who you are !!!!

Adonis , if I were in a trench with you it would be:-
1) Improbable , as you would be too busy running backwards.
2)A miracle , spineless things generally can’t stand up .
3)Boring , as none of your posts are ever any good – go find a nice Geek website !!! , good idea.
4)A friendly fire episode as soon as possible , oop’s the safety slipped !!!

Adonis , what age are you , your grammar and attitude currently has you rating at an approximate mental age of 4-5 years old.