Quotes and quotations

RE: Quotes and quotations

yea…but some great ones in there SOC.

RE: Quotes and quotations

Well SOC, you’ve certainly wound this thread up, you must’ve posted the whole book.

Thanks everyone,for your contributions.
Unless, that is, you can find some more

Dave

RE: Quotes and quotations

Some of my favorites, organized by subject (came out of a similarly laid-out book, can’t remember which), along with a few of my own originals }>

CHILDHOOD
Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. -Robert Byrne
All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable. -Fran Lebowitz
All children are essentially criminal. -Denis Didero

PARENTHOOD
There is no such thing as “fun for the whole family”. -Jerry Seinfeld

LOVE
I hate people. People make me pro-nuclear. -Margaret Smith
Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. -R.A. Dickson

LIFE AND EXPERIENCE
Good judgment comes from experience, which comes from poor judgment.
Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for. -Chief Justice Earl Warren
Whatever you do, you’ll regret it. -Allan McLeod Gray
The shortest distance between two points is under construction. -Noelie Altito

DEATH
Exercise daily. Eat wisely. Die anyway.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself. -Johnny Carson
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. -Saki
Often it is fatal to live too long. -Racine
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. -Joseph Stalin
Pathologist-One who carves a good living out of a bad death. -Gordon Bowker

SEX
My brain is my second favorite organ. -Woody Allen
Enjoy yourself. If you can’t enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else. -Jack Schaefer
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. -Rita Mae Brown
Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck. -Lewis Grizzard
Eros spelled backwards gives you an idea of how it affects beginners.
My wife gives good headache. -Rodney Dangerfield
What do I know about sex? I’m a married man. -Tom Clancy

MEN AND WOMEN
Women who miscalculate are called “mothers”. -Dear Abby
A woman is always buying something. -Ovid
Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer…the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want? -Sigmund Freud

HEALTH AND FOOD
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. -Redd Foxx
No diet will remove all the fat from your bodybecause the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office. -Covert Bailey
I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. -John Mortimer
In Mexico we have a word for sushi: Bait. -Jose Simon
Cannibals aren’t vegetarians; they’re humanitarians.
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. -Alex Levine

EMOTION
One of the indictments of civilization is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person. -William Feather
Happiness? That’s nothing more than health and a poor memory. -Albert Schweizer
Speak when you’re angry-and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret. -Lawrence J. Peter

STUPIDITY, GENIUS, WISDOM, AND KNOWLEDGE
The real issue is not the answer to the question. The real issue is if anybody cared in the first place. -Sean O’Connor }>
To err is human. And stupid. -Robert Byrne
You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. -James Thurber
The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. -Lawrence J. Peter
Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago. -Brendan Berenson
An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows. -Dwight. D. Eisenhower

MARRIAGE
Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of beer exactly to his taste he should at once throw up his job and go to work in the brewery. -George Jean Nathan
Marriage is a necessary evil. -Menander
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. -Red Skelton
Anyone who marries for money earns every cent of it.
All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. -Raymond Hull
Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. -Oscar Wilde

MEDIOCRITY, BOREDOM, AND BORES
Only the mediocre are always at their best. -Jean Giradoux
Do it big or stay in bed. -Larry Kelly

MEMORY, THINKING, AND THE MIND
How To Raise Your I.Q. By Eating Gifted Children. -Purported book title by Lewis B. Frumkes
What luck for rulers that men do not think. -Adolf Hitler
Pessimism is a mark of superior intellect. -John Kenneth Galbraith
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn’t stop until you get into the office. -Robert Frost
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity-the rest is overhead for the operating system.

SANITY AND MADNESS
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. -David Letterman

SCIENCE, INVENTION, AND TECHNOLOGY
Life is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money. -Gary Larson
The scientific theory that I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. -Mark Russell
Physics Lesson: When a body is submerged in water, the phone rings.
Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons. -R. Buckminster Fuller
Somehow I can’t take seriously an anti-technology diatribe written on a word processor.
The days of the digital watch are numbered. -Tom Stoppard
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

PAINTING
Abstract Art-A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. -Al Capp

LITERATURE
I hate quotations. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Copy from one, it’s plagiarism; copy from two, it’s research. -Wilson Mizner
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

MUSIC
The ‘C’ isn’t silent, you jackass. -Sean O’Connor, discussing the word crap, and its relationship with a common musical genre.

MOTION PICTURES
‘G’ means the hero gets the girl. ‘R’ means the villain gets the girl. And ‘X’ means everybody gets the girl. -Michael Douglas
If it weren’t for the Japanese and the Germans, we wouldn’t have any good war movies. -Stanley Ralph Ross

TELEVISION AND RADIO
I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They have one marked brightness but it doesn’t work, does it? -Gallagher
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. -Ann Landers
NBC’s a little jealous of CNN correspondent Wolf Blitzer. They want to get a reporter with a macho-sounding name too, so they’re changing Irving R. Levine’s name to Scud Shrapnel. -Johnny Carson

COMMUNICATION
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses. -Margaret Millar
The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. -Fran Lebowitz

COMPUTERS
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -Pablo Picasso
To err is human-and to blame it on a computer is even more so. -Robert Orben
To err is human-to really get everything ##### up takes a computer. -Sean O’Connor

SPORTS
There are two sorts of losers-the good loser, and the one who can’t act. -Laurence J. Peter
Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. -George Ade
On Thanksgiving Day all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment-halftime.
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. -Lee Trevino

PEOPLES, CLANS, AND GROUPS
Alexander III of Macedonia is known as Alexander the Great because he killed more people of more different kinds than any other man of his time. -Will Cuppy

NATIONS, STATES, AND ETHNICITY
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. -Robert Orben
A nation…is just a society for hating foreigners. -Olaf Stapledon
A nation is a society united by a delusion about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors. -Dean William R. Inge
When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white man came, an Indian said simply, “Ours.” -Vine Deloria Jr.
The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that there may be something to them that we are missing. -Gamel Abdel Nasser
The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him. -Jim Samuels
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic. -Dan Rather
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything. -Charles Kuralt
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. -Oscar Wilde
You have to feel sorry for all those convicts in New Hampshire stamping out license plates that say “Live Free Or Die.”
Texans are proof that the world was populated by aliens. -Cynthia Nelms
The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries. -Nora Ephron
The difference between Los Angeles and yoghurt is that yoghurt has an active, living culture.
Iraq won the toss, and has elected to receive. -Sign on Hilton Hotel, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
Not that I dislike McDonalds, but things must be pretty bad in Moscow if people are willing to wait three hours for large fries. -Mark Patinkin

PROVERBS
The most dangerous food is wedding cake. -American
Do not insult the mother alligator until after you have crossed the river. -Haiti
The best way to get praise is to die. -Italian

HISTORY AND THE ANCIENTS
Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice. -Will Durant
History is a set of lies agreed upon. -Napoleon Bonaparte

GOD, THE GODS, AND THE UNIVERSE
God is not dead, but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project.
The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. -Sebastien Chamfort
If God had meant us to go metric, why did he give Christ twelve apostles? -Gyles Brandreth
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. -Bill Waterson

RELIGION, BELIEFS, AND SCRIPTURE
The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born. -Elayne Boosler
My karma ran over your dogma.
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. -Bertrand Russell

MORALITY, TRUTH AND CONSCIENCE
Be as nice as possible and as nasty as necessary. -Al Neuharth
Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. -Claude Cockburn

ALCOHOL AND OTHER DRUGS
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink, because when they get up in the morning, they’re not going to feel any better all day. -Phil Harris
I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it. -Rodney Dangerfield
Work is the curse of the drinking classes. -Oscar Wilde
An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do. -Dylan Thomas

ADVICE
The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut your odds and take a bomb. -Benny Hill
Learn from the mistakes of others-you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

CYNICISM AND LOGIC
Whatever you’ve lost, you’ll find it in the last place you look. -Anonymous
Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth. -Lillian Hellman
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. -George Bernard Shaw
We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic. -David Russell

MONEY
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.
Any man who has $10,000 left when he dies is a failure. -Errol Flynn
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. -Canada Bill Jones

WAR AND CONFLICT
I propose getting rid of conventional armaments and replacing them with reasonably priced hydrogen bombs that would be distributed equally throughout the world. -Idi Amin
Cannon n : an instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries. -Ambrose Bierce
I’d like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. -Joseph Heller
Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.
You can’t say civilizations don’t advance…in every war they kill you in a new way. -Will Rogers
A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement. – Ambrose Bierce

NATURE AND ANIMALS
The early worm gets caught. -John Igo
Armadillo-Possum on the half-shell. -Lewis Grizzard
Cats are like Baptists. They raise hell but you can’t catch them at it.
It took me an hour to bury the cat. It wouldn’t stop moving. -Monty Python
If Darwin’s theory of evolution was correct, cats would be able to operate a can opener by now. -Larry Wright
I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is. -Will Durst
The reason lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn’t there the second time. -Willie Tyler
Curiosity killed tha cat, but for a while I was a suspect. -Steven Wright
Women and cats do as they damned well please. Men and dogs had best learn to live with it. -Alan Holbrook
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. -Jeff Valdez
Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you. -Mary Bly
I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat. -Marty Pollio

GOVERNMENT AND POLITICIANS
I think the world is run by “C” students. -Al McGuire
It is inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for any public office. -H.L. Mencken
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians. -Edward Langley
If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal.
Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. -Henry Kissinger
Politics is a means of preventing people from taking part in what properly concerns them. -Paul Valery
Are the people who run for president really the best in a country of 240 million? If so, something has happened to the gene pool. -Bob McKenzie
Tomorrow is Labor Day, I suppose set by act of Congress. How Congress knows anything about labor is beyond me. -Will Rogers
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. -Maureen Murphy
The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself. -John Ciardi
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you 30 cents? -Peg Bracken
I can’t understand what’s holding up our missile program. It’s the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers’ money go up in smoke. -Bob Hope
Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper? -Robert Orben
Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either. -Gerald Barzan
Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. -Frank Dane
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. -Voltaire

JUSTICE AND ATTORNEYS
If law school is so hard to get through…how come there are so many lawyers? -Calvin Trillin

PSYCHOANALYSIS
Half of analysis is anal. -Marty Indik

FINANCE AND BANKERS
Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears. -Robert W. Sarnoff

BUSINESS AND EXECUTIVES
Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it. -Andrew Young

COMMITTEES/CONFERENCES/MEETINGS
Committee-A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -Fred Allen

SOC

“Peace through kinetic solutions”

RE: Quotes and quotations

I bought a tie a few months ago, and the carry case was embossed with a quote from Oscar Wilde:

“A well tied tie is the first serious step in life”

RE: Quotes and quotations

http://www.quotationspage.com

Try this site!!!

RE: Quotes and quotations

Close enough. It was inspired by that famous article that many know about below by a Marine flyer. Author of; “Hornets Over Kuwait” I only put it in this section to show you where the idea for that quote came from. Another quote I like comes from the same article:

————————————————————

“We outran them, we out-flew them, and we ran them out of gas. I was embarrassed for those pilots”

Comment from an F-18C pilot.

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More here from the ACIG forums F-18 thread…
[link:www.acig.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?topic=303&forum=4&8|F-18]

……………………………………………………

“By JAY A. STOUT
The Virginian-Pilot,
December 15, 1999

I am a fighter pilot. I love fighter aircraft. But even though my service –I am a Marine– doesn’t have a dog in the fight, it is difficult to watch the grotesquerie that is the procurement of the Navy’s new strike-fighter, the F/A-18 E/F Super Hornet.

Billed as the Navy’s strike-fighter of the future, the F/A-18 E/F is instead an expensive failure – a travesty of subterfuge and poor leadership. Intended to over come any potential adversaries during the next 20 years, the aircraft is instead outperformed by a number of already operational aircraft – including the fighter it is scheduled to replace, the original F/A-18 Hornet.

The Super Hornet concept was spawned in 1992, in part, as a re placement for the 30 year-old A-6 Intruder medium bomber. Though it had provided yeoman service since the early 1960s, the A-6 was aging and on its way to retirement by the end of the Gulf War in 1991. The Navy earlier tried to develop a replacement during the 1980s – the A-12 – but bungled the project so badly that the whole mess was scrapped in 1991. The A-12 fiasco cost the taxpayers $5 billion and cost the Navy what little reputation it had as a service that could wisely spend taxpayer dollars.

Nevertheless, the requirement for an A-6 replacement remains. Without an aircraft with a longer range and greater payload than the current F/A-18, the Navy lost much of its offensive punch. Consequently it turned to the original F/A-18 – a combat-proven performer, but a short-ranged light bomber when compared to the A-6. Still stinging from the A-12 debacle, the Navy tried to “put one over” on Congress by passing off a completely redesigned aircraft – the Super Hornet – as simply a modification of the original Hornet.

The obfuscation worked. Many in Congress were fooled into believing that the new aircraft was just what the Navy told them it was – a modified Hornet. In fact, the new airplane is much larger – built that way to carry more fuel and bombs – is much different aerodynamically, has new engines and engine intakes and a completely reworked internal structure. In short, the Super Hornet and the original Hornet are two completely different aircraft despite their similar appearance.

Though the deception worked, the new aircraft – the Super Hornet – does not. Because it was never prototyped – at the Navy’s insistence – its faults were not evident until production aircraft rolled out of the factory. Among the problems the aircraft experienced was the publicized phenomenon of “wing drop” – a spurious, uncommanded roll, which occurred in the heart of the aircraft’s performance envelope. After a great deal of negative press, the Super Hornet team devised a “band-aid” fix that mitigated the problem at the expense of performance tradeoffs in other regimes of flight. Regardless, the redesigned wing is a mish-mash of aerodynamic compromises which does nothing well. And the Super Hornet’s wing drop problem is minor compared to other shortfalls. First, the air craft is slow — slower than most fighters fielded since the early 1960s. In that one of the most oft- uttered maxims of the fighter pilot fraternity is that “Speed is Life”, this deficiency is alarming.

But the Super Hornet’s wheezing performance against the speed clock isn’t its only flaw. If speed is indeed life, than maneuverability is the reason that life is worth living for the fighter pilot. In a dog fight, superior maneuverability allows a pilot to bring his weapons to bear against the enemy. With its heavy, aerodynamically compromised airframe, and inadequate engines, the Super Hornet won’t win many dogfights. Indeed, it can be outmaneuvered by nearly every front-line fighter fielded today.

“But the Super Hornet isn’t just a fighter”, its proponents will counter, “it is a bomber as well”. True, the new aircraft carries more bombs than the current F/A-18 – but not dramatically more, or dramatically further. The engineering can be studied, but the laws of physics don’t change for anyone – certainly not the Navy. From the beginning, the aircraft was incapable of doing what the Navy wanted. And they knew it.

The Navy doesn’t appear to be worried about the performance shortfalls of the Super Hornet. The aircraft is supposed to be so full of technological wizardry that the enemy will be overwhelmed by its superior weapons. That is the same argument that was used prior to the Vietnam War. This logic fell flat when our large, expensive fighters – the most sophisticated in the world – started falling to peasants flying simple aircraft designed during the Korean conflict.

Further drawing into question the Navy’s position that flight performance is secondary to the technological sophistication of the air craft, are the Air Forces’ specifications for its new – albeit expensive – fighter, the F-22. The Air Force has ensured that the F-22 has top-notch flight performance, as well as a weapons suite second to none. It truly has no rivals in the foreseeable future.

The Super Hornet’s shortcomings have been borne out anecdotally. There are numerous stories, but one episode sums it up nicely. Said one crew member who flew a standard Hornet alongside new Super Hornets: “We outran them, we out-flew them, and we ran them out of gas. I was embarrassed for those pilots”. These shortcomings are tacitly acknowledged around the fleet where the aircraft is referred to as the “Super-Slow Hornet”.

What about the rank-and-file Navy fliers? What are they told when they question the Super Hornet’s shortcomings? The standard reply is, “Climb aboard, sit down, and shut up. This is our fighter, and you’re going to make it work”. Can there be any wondering at the widespread disgust with the Navy’s leadership and the hemorrhaging exodus of its fliers?

Unfortunately, much of the damage has been done. Billions of dollars have been spent on the Super Hornet that could have been spent on maintaining or upgrading the Navy’s current fleet of aircraft. Instead, unacceptable numbers or aircraft are sidelined for want of money to buy spare parts. Paradoxically, much of what the Navy wanted in the Super Hornet could have been obtained, at a fraction of the cost, by upgrading the cur rent aircraft – what the Navy said it was going to do at the beginning of this mess.

Our military’s aircraft acquisition program cannot afford all the proposed acquisitions. Some hard decisions will have to be made. The Super Hornet decision, at a savings of billions of dollars, should be an easy one”.

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RE: Quotes and quotations

“In the 80s, the USN introduced a new combat jet into fleet service: the F-18 Hornet.
20 years later, the USN introduced a new combat jet into fleet service: the F-18 Hornet.” (Maybe not completely correct)

Guess who said that. Its not that hard. 😉

RE: Quotes and quotations

I like those !!!

RE: Quotes and quotations

Can’t remember who these were from but here goes:

“A woman drove me to drink and I never had the curtesy to thank her for it”

“A paranoid is a person in posession of all the facts”.

RE: Quotes and quotations

Ah! Oscar Wilde, who can forget his famous quote

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes”

“”We drink one anothers health and spoil our own”
Jerome.K.Jerome

“It’s better to have been a has-been than a never was”
Cecil Parkinson

Dave

RE: Quotes and quotations

Hmm i am very fond of them myself….

“The world is a very big act….with a very bad cast”

Oscar Wilde

RE: Quotes and quotations

I’m rather fond of the quote attributed to Winston Churchill during the war, when he was accosted by a rather irate woman. I can’t quote verbatim, but it went something like:

She: “If I were your wife, I’d feed you poison!”

WC: “If I were your husband, madam, I’d eat it!”

I also love a quote from M.A.S.H.(the TV series), when Hawkeye says to BJ, whilst sitting in Colonel Henry Blake’s chair, whilst Blake is in Tokyo:

“Just think, Beej, I’m sitting in the seat from which a thousand indecisions have been launched.”

Regards

Wombat

RE: Quotes and quotations

Anyone under 30 who is not a Socialise has no heart.

Anyone over 30 who is not a Conservative has no brain.

RE: Quotes and quotations

If you aren’t being criticized, you probably aren’t doing anything.

Don Rumsfield

RE: Quotes and quotations

Quotes and quotations? There are so many to choose from. For example almost anything said by Winston Churchill in World War II. But, just to keep in with my response to the ‘who would you like to be post?’, it would have to be….

“BAYONETS!!!….”

Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, Little Round Top.

Regards,

kev35

RE: Quotes and quotations

Coffee just isn’t my cup of tea
– Samuel Goldwyn

The penalty for getting the woman is that you must keep her
– Lionel Strachey

Don’t give complimentary tickets. If your friends won’t pay to see you, who will?
– Oswald Stoll

How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to anyone?
– George Roberts

I’ve no idea who these people are but these quotes were taken from a book called “More Wit” by Des McHale (ISBN 1-85375-283-5).