Funny stories

Three Times and Out. . .!
I was working one of our “fast” four lane highways one evening when I clocked a vehicle travelling approx. 25 miles over the posted limit. Once I got the car stopped, I noticed a nervous driver along with his very pregnant wife and he stated he was headed to the hospital as his wife’s water had broke. I naturally let them go so as to not have to deliver a baby in my cruiser. About 15 minutes later, I stopped another vehicle travelling about the same speed as the previous violator. A nervous driver and his female passenger, both in their late 40’s advised, that their daughter’s water just broke and they were headed to the hospital so as not to miss the birth of their grandchild. Needless to say, I got off that highway before the paternal grandparents had to be stopped. …………………………………. Submitted by… Dave Shed, Oklahoma Highway Patrol

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I HOPE HE WAS CHARGED. . .!
A man’s 30 year old son stole his credit cards and ran up quite a bill. Two other agencies almost caught him on two seperate occassions but he fought with officers and escaped. The next day his Mother calls and told us he had just ran into her home and took some clothes and left in a cab. We called the cab company and actually got the driver on his cell phone. Did you make a pickup on Alcoa Rd? Yes. Where did you take him? Uh, Well. Is he still in the cab? Yes Would you bring him to the police department ? Yea sure. 5 minutes later a surprised crook looked up as the cab stopped in front of the police department to find himself surounded by Detective Greg Little and three Patrol Officers. Hello case closed. The cab company involved was The “Wright Way Cab”. So I guess this arrest was made the right way….. …………………………………. Submitted by… Sgt. Charlie Carty , Benton Police Department,Benton, AR

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GIVE ME A BRAKE . . .!
One night many years ago I was on patrol and observed a vehicle blow through a red light at a major intersection. There had been plenty of time to stop, yet the vehicle had not even slowed down. I stopped the car and asked the young female driver why she had done that. The girl told me she had just had her brakes repaired, it had been very expensive, and she DIDN’T WANT TO WEAR THEM DOWN! Usually I give people a pass if I haven’t heard their excuse before, but in this case she got the ticket. …………………………………. Submitted by… Dave Hoffman, Sergeant, Naperville IL PD

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I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER!
I was on traffic patrol in a busy city centre area. I was double crewed and sat up on a 40mph limit to use my vehicles VASCAR unit. To add a bit of interest to events we had a TV crew with us and filming us for a weekend period. I was just telling the camera man in the back why this was a frequent place to deal with speeders, when a young lad went flying by in his car tring to impress his girlfriend. Having started to clock him, I set off at full pace in my Volvo T5 which is good up to 150mph. when we finally got him stopped his average speed had been 84mph. He was invited to our car for some serious ear bending and a summons. with the cameras still rolling, he said ” I wont lie I normally do 60 up here, I should know better I ran a woman over last week” I know that sounded great in the court. His licence was last seen being shreded by the magistrates. …………………………………. Submitted by… Martin Moore, Traffic Patrol Humberside Police UK

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When Ya Gotta Go, Ya Gotta Go!
Stopped a female speeder one afternoon. As I walked up I noticed her fidgeting in the car. As I stood by the door she explained that the reason she was speeding was because she had a bladder problem and had to go to the bathroom. Having heard this one MANY times before I ignored it and asked where she lived. Her address was about one block away. I told her she had passed a McDonalds and a couple of gas stations and let it go. I told her to drive home and I would meet here there rather than make her wait for the ticket, if she truly had to go to the bathroom. She drove off with me following and pulled into her driveway. She just sat there. “Lied,” I thought and now she’s caught. As I walked up to her car again I said, “I thought you had to go to the bathroom.” She threw open the door and yelled at me,”I DID!” It was then I noticed the large wet spot in her jeans. She still got the ticket though. ……. Submitted by…Sgt Keith Underwood, South Gate PD, CA

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Talk About Deaf and Dumb!
When I arrived to work that night we were briefed on a lady getting her car stolen from her residence while she was home. This was unusual because she had an alarm system on her car and she never even heard it go off. Later that night I was parked at a local business talking with another officer when we heard a siren coming toward us. We figured it was an ambulance or something, but it keep getting louder and we never seen any lights. All of a sudden this car went by us with the siren going off on it. It was the same car that had been reported stolen earlier that day. After a short chase we learned that the driver of the car was deaf and didn’t know the alarm was going off. He quickly learned that he needed to find a new line of work. ……. Submitted by…Brent Clark, New Tazewell Police Dept.

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Sorry…I Hate to Eat and Run!
While on patrol one night I clocked on radar a vehicle going 82 in a 45 mile zone. Upon stopping the vehicle, the man in the car said to me,”I know why you stopped me and I know I deserve a ticket, but I really need to go”. I asked him if he had an emergency and he told me that he just ate at McDonalds and he got a severe case of diarrhea. Having been sick myself, I had to let that one go. ……. Submitted by…Brent Clark, New Tazewell Police Dept.

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Gotta Get Out Of This Place!
While running radar on a long stretch of roadway late at night a vehicle came into the radar exceeding the posted speed limit. I stopped the vehicle and contacted the female driver. When asked why she was driving so fast she replied,”A friend of mine told me that this is a scary part of the road, that “bad” people live in this area”. I asked her why this would cause her to drive fast. Her reponse to this was “I wanted to get through this area as fast as I could!” Press hard 5 copies!! ……. Submitted by…T.Porath, BCSO

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Show Me the Evidence!
After stopping a car for speeding, I asked the driver why she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt (It’s the law for driver’s to wear seatbelts in Ohio). The driver (a very attractive young lady) said “I’m an exotic dancer, and the seatbelt pinches my nipple rings and hurts. So I don’t wear a seatbelt ’cause it hurts if I do. If you don’t believe me, I’ll show you.” She also told this story in court. The judge found her guilty and told her he didn’t need to see her evidence. ……. Submitted by…John Ferguson, North College Hill P.D., Ohio

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It Wasn’t My Fault!
This didn’t actually happen to me, but was told by an older officer. He swears it’s true… “I can’t help it, constable. Someone has hypnotized me to park illegally!” ……. Submitted by…Roope Letho, Espoo PD, Finland.

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Gotta Be a Verbal Warning!
While running radar on Ga. Hwy 85, I stopped a van which was traveling 72mph in the 35 mph zone. The driver explained that he did not see the 35 mph speed sign because he was plugging his wife’s breast pump. After explaining this to me he leaned back in the drivers seat and there was his wife —with breast pump attached– I had to let this one go???????????……. Submitted by…L.T. JL Parks, Waverly Hall PD, Georgia.

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Tough One to Swallow!
While running traffic late one night I had a pick-up truck pass my spot going 72 MPH in a 45 zone. I took off. I declared a pursuit at about 4 miles into following this subject with lights and siren going. After about another 7 miles the truck signals and pulls over. I had a Deputy Sheriff show up just as I began to approach the vehicle. Upon reaching the driver, I recognized him as one of our towns residents.He looked at me and said he was sorry for going so fast, and he didn’t stop, because he didn’t know I was back there,because…… “I’ve had ALOT to drink!” …..(He went to jail!)…. Submitted by…James John Mathias, II,Elnora PD, Elnora, Indiana.

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Bee Careful Out There!
I stopped a car in a rural area of our county for going 80 MPH in a 55 MPH zone. The driver explained that he had a bee flying around his head so he sped up to 80, hoping that the bee couldn’t fly that fast and would not be able to fly out of the back seat area to get at him…..Submitted by…Gary Lenon, Mecosta County Sheriff Department, Michigan.