Pilot Humour

Here are a few tales, I enjoyed reading. Has anyone else any to add!

Jimbo,

Subject: Aircraft Humour

In his book,” Sled Driver,” SR- 71/ Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:

“I’ll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as
Walt(my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13
miles
high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as
we entered Los Angeles airspace.”
“Though they didn’t really control us, they did monitor our movement across
their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed.
“90 knots” Center replied.
Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same. “120 knots,” Center
answered.
“We weren’t the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day.. as almost
instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, “Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests
groundspeed readout.” “There was a slight pause, then the response, 525
knots on the ground, Dusty”.
“Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation
this
was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my
backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become
a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison.
“Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us? “
There was a longer than normal pause…. “Aspen, I show 1,742 knots”
“No further inquiries were heard on that frequency”

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In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a
request for clearance to FL 600 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller,
with some disdain in his voice, asked, “How do you plan to get up to 60,000
feet?”
The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, ” We don’t plan to go up to
it, we plan to go down to it.” He was cleared…

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There’s a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing,
because his single-engine jet fighter was running “a bit peaked”. Air
Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52
that had one engine shut down.>
“Ah”, the fighter pilot remarked, ” The dreaded Seven-Engine approach”.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting
to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, “What was your last known
position?” Student: “When I was number one for takeoff”.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What, exactly, was the
problem?” “The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
engine,” explained the flight attendant. “It took us a while to find a new
pilot.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees..”
“Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”
“Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”

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