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ATC to female pilot: “Will you take an intermediate departure or do you want the full length?”
Female Pilot: “I always take the full length”

Manchester, a winter’s night in the early ’80s. Approach, to an inbound 1-11:-
“Speedbird 123 we’ve reports of light icing above FL50, severe icing below. Also turbulence, moderate to severe at all levels but particularly bad on final approach with windshear reported. Previous landing aircraft report loss and gain of airspeed in excess of 20 knots on final approach. Visibility is 1200 metres in hail showers. The runway is wet, braking action poor.”
There was a silence, before Speedbird replied:
“Roger all that. You forgot to mention the flak!”

BA 747 has just rolling out after landing at LL from an ILS approach.
TWR (trying to be helpful – of course): Just for information, you appeared to be slightly left of the centreline all the way down the approach.
BA (after a short pause): Yes that’s right, and my First Officer was slightly to the right of it.

A hot summer afternoon at LHR in the 70’s (or so I was told). Pan-Am 747 struggles off the end of 27R, pops an engine and starts dumping fuel.
ATC. I see you have a problem sir but you are not in a fuel dumping area and that’s Windsor Castle straight ahead.
Pan-AM. Son, do you have a phone?.
ATC. Yes.
Pan-AM. Well you call the lady and ask her if she wants the fuel or the whole airplane!

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