Right, I’ll do it….. Harry is forced to flee Hogwarts for a new life in America, he boards a giant ship at Southampton, upon which he meets an attractive aristocratic girl with whom he falls in love and they embark upon a steamy affair whilst at sea.

Unfortunately the ship is buzzed by passing alien space craft and in the confusion the captain steers it straight into a giant iceberg, holing it right down the starboard side. The ship turns completely upside down, forcing all aboard to navigate their way through upturned corridors and passages, looking for a way out, led by the bold Harry. Harry discovers his spiritual side, shaves off all his hair and dresses in an old bed sheet, changes his name to Handie and ends the relationship with said aristocratic girl who ages dramatically at the news !

Eventually the survivors find a way out onto the upturned hull, only to find they have been surrounded by bounty hunters and shark experts filming a shark weekend special for Discovery Channel. In the distance Handie can see the Coast, and another film crew making a documentary about it for BBC-2. If he can lead the survivors there, all will be well. They commandeer a small boat and head off, singing a drinking song to bolster their spirits. A giant great white shark attacks the boat, eating all of the survivors apart from Handie and an elderly gentleman who turns out to be Handie’s long lost father !

Handie and father, reach the safety of the coast but are captured by German agents and flown by Junkers Ju-52 to an alpine castle where they are imprisoned as spies. They form an escape plan, stealing a pair of stormtrooper uniforms to help them get out unoticed. A girl wearing two danish pastries on her head helps them, along with a tin man and a lion they follow a colour coded path which takes them deep underground to a land occupied by dinosaurs. One of the dinosaurs is the guitarist in the Rolling Stones and enlists the use of some pirates, led by his son Jack to help get Handie and Co. to safety.

Handie, by now a hardened rum swilling cynic, resorts to his real name again and makes a bid for freedom along with his dad in an airship. Sadly it crashes and all aboard are signed up for a tv mini series called ‘Harry and the Magic Franchise’. Harry gets married to a ginger girl who once played the flute at band camp and settles down in Springfield, Vermont where he and his new bride open a store selling apple pie !

The pie has the tastiest “d’oh” around and after several years as a family guy, Harry becomes married with children and an american dad.

His favourite wedding present is a potty adorned with question marks. This later will provide the inspiration for a new book ‘Harry and the Chamber Pot of Doom’ !

The End !:eek:

vocation missed

ps i heard that that it all started when some bloke shot an ostrich because he was hungry:D