Found this on another board, it seems a little old, so this is probably the best place to reproduce it:
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses with
P = the problem logged by the pilot,
S = the solution and action taken by engineers.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude -hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed
Does anyone know any others?
By: RadarArchive - 6th October 2003 at 13:22
RobAnt,
I don’t know if you got these comments from the Radar Pages website, but they certainly appear there (www.radarpages.com) along with numerous other hilarious comments. If you ignore the radar stuff (which I suspect is only of interest to sad bug*ers like me), the funnies are excellent.
By: ian_st - 4th October 2003 at 22:13
I was on the Harrier OCU in the late 70’s and saw this written up
Loud and persistent whine on rear cockpit intercom
Sgt Smith removed from rear cockpit!
Was a TBird of course!
By: mike currill - 4th October 2003 at 15:08
Her’s one to add to the list.
P: Sun visor support arm too bent to use as hand hold
S: That’s how it got that way
By: Hamtech - 4th October 2003 at 00:35
An oldie’ but a goodie’ 🙂
I believe this probably originated from the Americans / USAF due to the nature and vintage of some of the comments. As its spread across the net somewhere along the line it was changed to Qantas ground engineers!
Sadly quite a few years ago in my old company this sort of thing (ie a friendly banter between ground and flight crews for non-flight critical defects) was knocked on the head and deemed inappropriate 🙁
– Hamtech.
By: Bluebird Mike - 4th October 2003 at 00:17
LOL, love ’em, that’s me going to bed on a chuckle, cheers! 😀
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October 3, 2003 at 11:59 pm