Hello,
Had this sent to me at work and thought I would share it with the forum, hope you enjoy.
“After every flight all pilots must record any problems with the aircraft on the relevant form, engineers then correct the problem and record the repair carried out for the pilot then to review before the next flight”
*Something loose in cockpit
Something tightenned in cockpit
*Left inside main tyre almost needs replacing
Almost replaced left- inside main tyre
*Unfamiliar noise coming from No2 engine
Engine ground run for 3 hours- now sounds familiar
*Target radar hums
Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics
*Number 3 engine missing
Engine found under starboard wing after brief search
*Aircraft handles funny
Aircraft told to straighten up, fly right and be serious
*Whining noise in Cockpit on engine shutdown
Pilot removed from aircraft
*Noise coming from under the instrument panel- sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer
Took hammer away from midget
*Suspected crack in windshield
Suspect your right
*Number 2 ADF needle runs wild
Caught and tamed ADF needle
*Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
Evidence removed
*3 roaches in cabin
One killed, one wounded, one got away
*DME volume set unbelievably high
DME voume set to more believable level
*Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick
Thats what they are for.
By: cabbage - 24th December 2014 at 12:36
Groundcrew to pilot after he was unable to retract the undercarriage after take-off (a frequent occurance with certain serial numbers of Buccaneers).
“Did you press the undercarriage up button hard enough ?”
Anyone familiar with the cockpit layout of the Mk.2 Buccaneer, will no the button I mean.
By: DanS333 - 23rd December 2014 at 22:02
Not long after the A320 crash at Mulhouse–Habsheim Airport in 1988 an ATC operator at Melbourne Airport here in oz was disciplined after telling a 767 you are number 2 to the “Woodcutter” on short final
By: Dragonflyer - 23rd December 2014 at 17:23
Write-up by pilot whose aircraft flew in a slight yaw:
Aircraft flew sideways
*Twisted aircraft to fly straight. Ops check next flight please”
Note: Nearly had to hospitalize the grizzled old Lockheed factory representative (Travis Mason…great guy but sometimes operated with his ‘low humor warning light” illuminated!) due to a near stroke while yelling at the pilot that airplanes don’t fly sideways and how was he going to answer this entry when queried by the Skunk Works engineers (by the way, the engineers never called).
By: mike currill - 20th December 2014 at 08:50
Auto pilot altitude hold produces 500fpm descent
*unable to reproduce symptoms on the ground
Autoland inop
*Autoland not fitted on this aircraft
Transponder inop
* Transponder inop in”off” position.
By: Fieldhawk - 17th December 2014 at 20:43
Mice suspected in cockpit.
Mice lined up and marched out.
By: mike currill - 20th November 2014 at 13:07
Hello,
Had this sent to me at work and thought I would share it with the forum, hope you enjoy.
To add one to that:
sun visorv support arm too bent to be used as a grab handle.
* That’s how it got bent.
By: Moggy C - 19th November 2014 at 08:41
A couple of my tenants were techs on Lakenheath, working on the F15E. Once I had an issue starting the Shiny Colt in the very early days of my ownership, and arriving home described my disappointment at not having flown to them. Bless them they offered to drive to the strip take a look at the aircraft. But being they were armaments crew I declined.
Turned out I had simply set a non-visible switch under my legs (thank you Mr Piper) incorrectly.
Relating this to them later on one turned to the other and said “Like I told you. Stick actuator failure”
Moggy
By: cabbage - 19th November 2014 at 07:25
There was a story that ran around Lossiemouth, when 15(R) Squadron moved in with the Tornado. A pilot complained that the cockpit heating wasn’t working properly. He was asked (with a perfectly straight face) if he had remembered to move the selector switch from the England setting to the Scotland setting.
Another favourite was the Job card stating that the fault lay in the “seat / joystick interface” (think about it).
By: 91Regal - 19th November 2014 at 01:21
Veering off at a bit of a tangent, there must be a mountain of funny stories and tall tales out there- is anyone aware of any books or publications that have attempted to pull a lot of them together? Surely there must be a market for such a tome?
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November 18, 2014 at 1:53 pm