I thought id share a few of these with you lot, more to follow…
When the ATIS was not computerised and a human voice was required…
“Aberdeen Approach this is DANAIR F**king 154”
“Station calling, say again!”
“Aberdeen this is DANAIR F**king 154”
“DANAIR 154, Aberdeen, use standard R/T phraseology, pass your message”
“I will when you do – listen to the ATIS”
ATCO listens to the ATIS, while the weather is being broadcast and in the background, clear as a bell, you can hear “Where’s the F**king DAN154?”.
A USAF C130 at the holding point at EDDF notices that the Lufthansa 747 in the holding bay in front still has the gear pins in place.
“DLH xxx, Reach XXX, come up on 123.45”
“Ve are German professional pilots and ve do not exchange chit chat on unauthorised frequencies”
“Tower, Reach XXX, tell the professional pilot in the big jet that he’s still got his landing gear pins in”
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high.
San Jose Tower: “American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able.
If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.
Late at night, very quiet on the frequency,
a/c: God I’m f***ing bored!
atc: Who said that?
a/c: I’m not that bored
This lot is just for starters
By: kurmitz28 - 14th May 2003 at 22:58
Heres some more
ATC to female pilot: “Will you take an intermediate departure or do you want the full length?”
Female Pilot: “I always take the full length”
Manchester, a winter’s night in the early ’80s. Approach, to an inbound 1-11:-
“Speedbird 123 we’ve reports of light icing above FL50, severe icing below. Also turbulence, moderate to severe at all levels but particularly bad on final approach with windshear reported. Previous landing aircraft report loss and gain of airspeed in excess of 20 knots on final approach. Visibility is 1200 metres in hail showers. The runway is wet, braking action poor.”
There was a silence, before Speedbird replied:
“Roger all that. You forgot to mention the flak!”
BA 747 has just rolling out after landing at LL from an ILS approach.
TWR (trying to be helpful – of course): Just for information, you appeared to be slightly left of the centreline all the way down the approach.
BA (after a short pause): Yes that’s right, and my First Officer was slightly to the right of it.
A hot summer afternoon at LHR in the 70’s (or so I was told). Pan-Am 747 struggles off the end of 27R, pops an engine and starts dumping fuel.
ATC. I see you have a problem sir but you are not in a fuel dumping area and that’s Windsor Castle straight ahead.
Pan-AM. Son, do you have a phone?.
ATC. Yes.
Pan-AM. Well you call the lady and ask her if she wants the fuel or the whole airplane!
Hope you enjoy these
By: KabirT - 13th May 2003 at 11:57
Originally posted by wysiwyg
When I was cabin crew nothing peeed me off more than passengers (often women) who wold click their fingers to get your attention. I had a standard response to that – “sorry madam, but it takes more than 2 fingers to make me come”!regards
wys
😀 …bet they wont say anythin the whole flight.
By: Ren Frew - 13th May 2003 at 11:10
I watched a light hearted docu about cabin crew a year or so back and some of the things they got up to were hiliarious. One female flight attendant (since retired) admitted it was common policy to seek revenge on trying passengers by farting in their faces whilst bending over to serve a passenger in the opposite seating.
Another girl had to sit next to, and talk to a dead passenger, pretending he was still alive, so as not to upset the other passengers.
And I’m sure I heard some stifled moans coming from the crew rest area on my LAX-DUB A330 flight last summer !:D
Any more gossip Wys ?:rolleyes:
By: Clansman - 13th May 2003 at 10:56
I’d like to see their faces…
😀
By: wysiwyg - 13th May 2003 at 10:43
When I was cabin crew nothing peeed me off more than passengers (often women) who wold click their fingers to get your attention. I had a standard response to that – “sorry madam, but it takes more than 2 fingers to make me come”!
regards
wys
By: steve rowell - 12th May 2003 at 08:20
“Stewardess!”
With the sun beginning to rise,the cabin of the 747 was suddenly illuminated. “who turned on the f…… lights?”a male passenger, who had been surly since boarding, snarled at the flight attendent.
The girl had enough of this particular character.
“These are the breakfast lights,Sir,”she answered with forced sweetness.”The f…… lights are much dimmer, and you Sir, snored right through them”.
By: EGNM - 11th May 2003 at 20:57
Re: ATC Humour
Originally posted by kurmitz28
Late at night, very quiet on the frequency,
a/c: God I’m f***ing bored!
atc: Who said that?
a/c: I’m not that bored
nearly right…
Late at night, very quiet on the frequency,
a/c: God I’m f***ing bored!
atc: Who said that?
a/c: i said i’m ****ing bored not ****ing stupid!
Amusing nethertheless!! – cheers
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May 11, 2003 at 8:38 pm