Aviation Humour!!

1: Once a member of a flying club, flying a microlight aircraft, got lost. After a long time of panicking, he spotted a small airstrip and running low on fuel, he made an immediate landing at the field. The airstrip eventually happened to be a Air Force secret base, and subsequently he was immediately taken into custody by the security guards, where he was questioned for hours, for the whole night, whether he was really lost or he was a enemy spy. But then it was accepted that this guy was lost and running low on fuel, and they released him the next morning.

The crew at the ATC was shocked to see that the very same aircraft, that left in the morning was coming back for landing on the very same airstrip. When the aircraft landed, the security reached the aircraft, and immediately pointed guns at him. But this time he had come with his wife. He fell on his knees with his hands up, and said, “Do whatever you want, but for God sake explain my wife where I was last night…”
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2: ATC: “HPT-32, what are your intentions?”

HPT 32: “To get my wings and become a fighter pilot sir.”

ATC: “I meant in the next 5 minutes, not ten years!”

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3: A major fire had broken out in the city area and it was running out of control. A lady NEWS paper reporter was asked to go and take some neat shots of the city fire. The boss said, “I want best possible shots, I don’t care if you had to board a private aircraft. Don’t worry about the expense.” She ordered a plane, immediately went over to the airfield and on seeing a small aircraft with a young pilot, hopped in beside him and says “Lets go. Take off”. The pilot, without a word of compromise, took-off and climbed a certain altitude.” Then the reporter tells him, “See that fire raging to the west? I want you to fly over that and get down as close as you can.” Incredulous, the pilot says, “I am a photojournalist and that’s why I am here–to take dramatic shots of the fire!”

The pilot looks over with a quizzical look on his face and says, “You are not the Flight Instructor?”
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4: Scene: Student and instructor are on a dual, night cross country.

Instructor: Turns down the panel lights, “OK, you’ve just lost your

lights, what are you going to do?”

Student pulls out a flashlight.

Student: “I get out my flashlight.”

Instructor grabs flashlight.

Instructor: “The batteries are dead, now what are you going to do?”

Student pulls out another flashlight.

Student: “I get out my other flashlight.”

Instructor grabs next flashlight.

Instructor: “The bulb is burned out on this one, now what?”

Student pulls out yet a third flashlight.

Student: “I use this flashlight.”

Instructor grabs this one too.

Instructor: “ALL your flashlights are dead. Now what?”

Student: “I use this glow stick.”

Instructor: “Sighhhhhh, just fly the plane without any lights, OK?”
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After a particularly lousy landing by the co-pilot of an Australian commercial airline, that co-pilot heard the Captain announce “Ladies and Gentlemen, XXX airlines wishes to apologise for that rough landing provided today by our first officer”.

Some months later the same crew were together and, you guessed it, the Captain did an even worse one. The First Officer immediately jumped on the intercom announcing “Ladies and Gentlemen, XXX airlines wishes to apologise for that rough landing provided today by our Captain”.

The Captain immediately responded angrily, “What did you say that for?”.

The First Officer replied “Remember a couple of months back? I owed it to you!”.

“But I never keyed the mike!”, responded the Captain.
(its a true story!)
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6: 1. Delta: We’re Amtrak with wings.
2. Join our frequent near-miss program.
3. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
4. Noisy engines? We’ll turn ’em off!
5. Complimentary champagne in free-fall.
6. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
7. The kids will love our inflatable slides.
8. You think it’s so easy, get your own damm plane!
9. Delta: Our pilots are terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
10. Delta: We might be landing on your street!
11. Delta: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
12. Bring a bathing suit.
13. So that’s what these buttons do!
14. Delta: A real man lands where he wants to.
15. Delta: We never make the same mistake three times
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7: The Pilot’s Prayer

Oh controller, who sits in tower

Hallowed be thy sector.

Thy traffic come, thy instructions be done

On the ground as they are in the air.

Give us this day our radar vectors,

And forgive us our TCA incursions (*)

As we forgive those who cut us off on final.

And lead us not into adverse weather,

But deliver us our clearances.
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8: Cessna: “Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.”

Tower: “Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!”

Cessna: “Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.”
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Enjoy Guys :9