Best aviation wind-ups

My fave was I think in the ATA (It’s umpteenth hand of course.)

The crew being ferried back in an Anson would ‘amuse’ the pilot by twanging the flight control wires running exposed through the cabin, to the consternation of the pilot having to deal with an early example of clear air (internal) turbulance! 😀

Chuck Kimes, who was co-pilot on the Albatross when we did the atlantic, was saying you can tell when the meals are finished on a 767 as the trim goes aft when everyone queues up outside the khazi!

Melv

My fave was I think in the ATA (It’s umpteenth hand of course.)

The crew being ferried back in an Anson would ‘amuse’ the pilot by twanging the flight control wires running exposed through the cabin, to the consternation of the pilot having to deal with an early example of clear air (internal) turbulance! 😀

This is the best aviation wind-up I know. The Huck starter. 🙂

The best trick I heard about was at my old gliding club. The trick was when it was known that some “civillians” were coming along for an air experience flight or a newbie arrived, one person would get a sick bag & fill it with a can of Heinz “Big Soup” (nice big chunks of vegitables you see). When the aforementioned punters arrived and were waiting for their flight, the person with the sick bag would wander/stagger up to another person in close earshot of the “victims”. The sickbag holder would then complain loudly about how the flight he had just had was really rough & how he was rarely sick but this time he had emptied the contents of his stomach into the sickbag. At this point the second person would complain that they had had no breakfast, grab the sick bag, produce a spoon & proceed to ravenously eat the contents of the sickbag in full view of the horrified “victims”. Preheating the soup so that it steamed possibly added to the effect.

Flew Easyjet up to Inverness out of Luton on Thursday afternoon. The cabin announcements were hilarious and really enlivened the trip. Final comment after landing was priceless – “If you have enjoyed the flight then fly again soon with Easyjet. If you have not then thank you for flying Ryanair…………….!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Perhaps they had heard that Stelios was planning to buy back the company into his own empire due to the fall in the share price. With cabin crew like those on my flight success for the outfit is totally assured. Both airlines suit me down to the ground in terms of low fares if booked in advance. Off to the advanced WAC in Sweden in August. Ryanair return flight to Malmo less than 50GBP – fantastic. The car parking at EGSS will be almost as much – sod it.

what about this famous one?

‘Come Fly With Me!’

Letter from Michael Braby, Copied from CSIRO Entomology’s staff newsletter, Gnatter, Monday, August 28, 2000

I have just returned from a short field trip to Africa. It was while I was stuck in the boonies, after making a visit to see Aunt Hilda, I found myself waiting in Kariba airport for a flight to Hwange. My flight was delayed, so I settled down to wait. And wait. Three hours later, we were finally told the plane was ready to board. Air Zimbabwe buys many of its planes second-hand from other airlines, and the one I got into was no exception. Dirty and ancient, the mid-size jetliner was clearly one that no one else had wanted.

Inside, I settled into the seats with 80 or 90 other passengers and waited. And waited some more. Finally, the pilot’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “We’re all ready to go ladies and gentlemen. However, we’ve been waiting for the copilot, and he still hasn’t arrived. Since we’ve already waited so long, we’re just going to be flying without a copilot today. “There was a nervous buzz through the cabin. He continued, “If any of you feel uncomfortable with this, feel free to disembark now and Air Zimbabwe will put you on the next available flight to Hwange.”Here he paused. “Unfortunately, we are not sure when that will be. But rest assured, I have flown this route hundreds of times, we have clear blue skies, and there are no foreseeable problems.”

No one in my seating area, doubtful as they might have been, wanted to wait any longer at Kariba for a plane that may or may not materialise, so we stayed onboard for the one-hour flight. Once the aircraft reached cruising altitude, the pilot came on the loudspeaker again “Ladies and gentlemen. I am going to use the bathroom. I have put the plane on auto-pilot and everything will be fine. I just don’t want you to worry.” That said, he came out of the cockpit, fastened the door open with a rubber band to a hook on the wall. Then he went to the bathroom.

Suddenly, we hit a patch of turbulence. Nothing much, the cabin just shook a little for a moment. But the rubber band snapped off with a loud ‘ping!’ and went sailing down the aisle. The door promptly swung shut. A moment later, the pilot came out of the bathroom. When he saw the closed door, he stopped cold. I watched him from the back and wondered what was wrong. The stewardess came running up, and together they both tried to open the door. But it wouldn’t budge. It slowly dawned on me that our pilot was locked out of the cockpit. Cockpit doors lock automatically from the inside to prevent terrorists from entering. Without a copilot, there was no one to open the door from the inside.

By now, the rest of the passengers had become aware of the problem, and I watched the pilot, horrified. What would he do? After a moment of contemplation, the pilot hurried to the back of the plane. He returned holding a big lucanid beetle axe. Without ceremony, he proceeded to chop down the cockpit door. We all were rooted to our seats as we watched him. Indeed, the passengers seated in the first five rows ducked for cover to avoid being struck by flying shrapnel.

Once he managed to chop a hole in the door, he reached inside, unlocked the door, and let himself back in. Then he came on the loudspeaker, his voice a little shakier this time than before. “Ah, ladies and gentlemen, we just had a little problem there, but everything is fine now. We have plans to cover every eventuality, even pilots getting locked out of their cockpits. So relax and enjoy the rest of the flight!”

for completeness, I have to include this link where such a story is questionned strongly, shame it’s quite funny:
http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/fireaxe.htm

Or the pilot who would walk up the aircraft between the passengers wearing dark glasses and using a white stick?

Another favourite of mine was the wartime instructor who had a novel way of encouraging students to go solo. I’m not sure which aircraft it was, but the stick was removable so he used to tap the student in the front cockpit on the shoulder and then cast the stick overboard. One student, having heard of this took a spare stick up and when the instructor threw his stick away, so did the student 😀 Apparently the instructors fingers were a bit of a mess on landing from trying to fly the aircraft using only the socket! History doesn’t record what happened to the student.

John C

I have been getting some engineering work don at a small company near where I keep the Rearwin. The guy there is called Jeff Drury and he is a good guy. The other week I asked him to make a collett with an oil track inside and a 1/16th inch hole in it and he said “oooh, can’t do that” So I said why not? and he told me he was out of stock of sixteenth inch holes!

He also told me a great story about when he was an apprentice. You have to put up with the wind-ups in the first couple of years otherwise you get belted but in his third year, not long before he finished, he was told to go to the stores and get some sparks for the grinder. So, he fund a matchbox and filled it with iron filings from behind the grinder and took it back to the guy. he said “Here’s your sparks” and the guy said “Those aren’t sparks” and Jeff said “They must have gone out!”.

What is particularly fun is that the guy didn’t let him off the hook completely, he got his lighter and sprinkled a couple of filings through the flame where they sparkled again. He said “No, these are allright”

Jeff didn’t get set up again.

Good engineer too.

Melvyn

Wasn’t there a 747 pilt who was eventually sacked as he used to get on the aircraft as if he was spare crew and swig at a vidka bottle that he had filled with water. He would then get increasingly loud about the non-arrival of the crew until he would shout “If none of you are going to fly I had better” nad lurch off to the cockpit.

MH

My own favourite was the pilot flying a feederline route in Oz back in the piston days when there was only a curtain between him and Osama who used to keep a supply of nuts and bolts in the cockpit that he would roll back down the aisle in an increasing stream when in the climb out.

Moggy

Melv , please don’t tell me R.weaver ( safe beagle frying ) is a creation of your genius , have you been winding us up all along ??? ……………. 🙂

Nope. If Ruprecht is a wind-up then I will admit here that I have fallen for it.

Here’s a good aviation story to keep you all going.

When I was reviewing books for Aeroplane, I read about a high-ranking Air Force Officer who had to review the passing out parade of some WAAFs. What he didn’t know was that his daughter had joned up and she was passing out. Needless to say it had all been set up so that he was surprised but apparently he walked along the line reviewing the girls until he came to his daughter when he stopped, looked her in the eye and said:

“Didn’t I know your mother?”

And then he carried on walking.

Dead cool.

MH

Melv , please don’t tell me R.weaver ( safe beagle frying ) is a creation of your genius , have you been winding us up all along ??? ……………. 🙂