France :
France – always there when they need you
Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris?
It’s not known, it’s never been tried
Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on e bay the other day – the description was, ‘Never shot. Dropped once.’
“Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without your accordion.” –Donald Rumsfeld
Why do the French plant trees on both sides of their BLVDS?
So the Germans can march in the shade!
Instructions given to all French Military Personnel:
1. In case of attack, cut flag at dotted lines
2. Discard red and blue sections
3. Wave vigorously!
French Army tanks have five gears: four in reverse, and one forwards – in case the enemy attacks from the rear.
Why does the new French navy have glass-bottomed boats?
To look at the old French navy.
(Philosophical) If the French army is mobilized but there are no enemies around to fight will they still surrender?
Why do French army tanks have rearview mirrors? So they can see the battle.
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands raised in the air?
The French Army
How can you recognize a French veteran?
Sunburned armpits.
Did you hear that President Bush insists that the French fight with us in the war on Iraq? He feels strongly that someone needs to teach the Iraqis how to surrender.
American to Frenchman: “Do you speak German?”
Frenchman: “No.”
American: “You’re Welcome!”
What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered during WWII? “Table for One Hundred Thousand?”.
A fine example of French courage,…. He ain’t crying is he?
Regards Plazz
😀 😀 😀
By: Moggy C - 10th March 2003 at 12:44
My view on the French
In WW2 the French army was taken by surprise by the German Blitzkrieg. The British Army in France (The BEF) fared no better at all. We were just lucky having somewhere safe to run away to.
The majority of the French people seemed to have little stomach for the war, probably a legacy of the horrors of WW1 which they felt more acutely that we did, seeing as the battle was all over their country. They surrendered very happily and virtually welcomed the Germans to their country. Active collaboration was the rule, not the exception.
Just a few, very few Frenchmen resisted the occupiers from the very start. This handful of guys showed courage that I can’t even imagine.
Once the war was virtually won – thank you America and Russia -the size of the ‘resistance’ swelled thousandfold.
Once again the US is facing-off a tyrant. Either somebody has to do it, or we just shrug our shoulders and say ‘Hey, it’s no business of ours’. There are some doubts as to the true motives, there are other tyrants not currently being addressed.
When America deposes Hussein, as they inevitably will, the majority of Frenchmen will suddenly find they were on America’s side right from the start.
History repeats.
I like France
I like visiting France
I like individual French people
But as a nation there seems to be something wrong with the hard-wiring in their collective brain.
Moggy
By: Arabella-Cox - 10th March 2003 at 09:38
Plazz
Yes, I have read many jokes like this.
Of course most of the jokes about 5 reverse gears are often attributed to Italian vehicles.
Although amusing they are hardly accurate if you are simply going to target only the French or Italians. I believe the Russians were pushed back a rather long way by the Germans as well, not to mention the British expeditionary force at Dunkirk, or the Japanese pushing the British, Dutch and Americans out of their little Pacific Asian colonies.
By: Geforce - 9th March 2003 at 22:54
Actually Comet, Britain is the only country us Belgians were never at war with. The dutch on the other hand …
I`ve always lived near the grave yards in West-Flanders, where hundreds of thousands British soldiers are burried.
By: mixtec - 9th March 2003 at 16:43
It should be noted that the French Airforce is now by far one of the largest and most modern in Europe, and Germanys is small and barely serviceable. I dont think the french have quickly forgotten how bad it is to be occupied.
By: Hand87_5 - 9th March 2003 at 14:37
They had to do it !! Vichy’s governement is one of darkest part of our history.
By: Snapper - 9th March 2003 at 14:32
Mers El Kebir.
By: Hand87_5 - 9th March 2003 at 13:53
Comet , I deeply believe that’s true.
God knows that our two countries fought each other all along the centuries , but definitely , you were our best friend during WWI and WWII.
By: Arthur - 9th March 2003 at 13:47
Originally posted by Geforce
Cliches indeed.Maybe France can concentrate on transport in this war. Somebody will have to bring the caufins with American soldiers back, not?
Now Geforce, that’s a rude remark! Also, i thought the Americans have multi-purpose chemwar suits now. A soldier can fight in it, and if killed all you have to do is zip up the chemwar suite and you have a bodybag. Really convenient, and it puts a lot less effort on the logistics train.
Anyway, it all makes sense now. This whole war is not for oil, it’s not against Islam, it’s not even to make Iraq the Sweden of the Middle East. It’s all a massive plot to finally get rid of Fidel Castro!
Just think about it…
-1- The US attacks Iraq, and by doing encourages anti-US sentiments amongst Arabs and Muslims even more.
-2- Many more enraged Muslems join Al Qaida.
-3- After Iraq has been defeated and subtly discarded into media oblivion, the real War on Terrorism is continued.
-4- Since Al Qaida has grown tremendously thanks to the War on Iraq, there are plenty more AQ-suspects to apprehend.
-5- Those AQ-suspects who survive the beating-up sessions at Baghram and future US WoT-strongpoints will be deported to Guantanamo Bay.
-6- Gitmo gets a bit overcrowded.
-7- In a subtle ploy, a massive breakout happens at Gitmo. Rumours about CIA-involvement in this are plausibly denied.
-8- Thousands of Islamic fundamentalists (after all, those who weren’t AQ-members when they were arrested certainly joined the club during detention at Gitmo) roam across Cuba, and mobilise the local population against Castro while taking up a nice fundamentalist version Islam.
-9- The hideous evil, unreliable and unstable communist Fidel Castro is beheaded in the best Saudi-Arabian way, Sharia is proclaimed in Cuba, and the US welcomes the new government on it’s southern border. The threat of Communism against US’ soft underbelly has finally been removed! A great victory for the Free World and Democracy, and a massive defeat for the Axis of Evil!
By: Comet - 9th March 2003 at 13:24
Who led the army which defeated Napoleon at Waterloo in Belgium?? Yes – it was the Duke of Wellington, listed at number 15 in the 100 Great Britons Poll. Who destroyed a combination of the French and Spanish navy in 1805? Oh yes, it was the British again led by Admiral Nelson, in the top 10 of Great Britons. Who made up the majority of the fighting force which defeated the Luftwaffe in the Battle of Britain in 1940? I do believe it was the British. Who it is that no one ever gives credit to the British for what they have achieved during times of conflict?
By: Geforce - 9th March 2003 at 10:24
Cliches indeed.
Maybe France can concentrate on transport in this war. Somebody will have to bring the caufins with American soldiers back, not?
By: Hand87_5 - 9th March 2003 at 10:21
Let just allow me to remind of couple a historical facts in order to get rid of the usual cliches.
1) Who went to America to help the “brave” american to get rid of the Brits in 18th century?
2) Who fighted the Germans during WWI at lost close to 1 millions just during Verdun battle?
The situation in WWII was quite different and mainly due to arrogant Generals who were unable to evaluate the potential of the German army.
I can’t forget the thousands of partisans (my grand-father was one of them) who gave their life to prepare the D-Day and made it possible in harassing night and day the German forces.
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March 9, 2003 at 9:11 am