I often wonder how they spend my licence fee

It could work…in the meantime try cheddar and marmite.

I’m bloody brilliant at thread creep. I’d best be careful though, I caused a marriage here a few years back (I kid you not)

Then might I suggest a gentle conversion to the faith by becoming disinterested in cleaning my Brevil sandwich toaster. Maybe in time, the layers of scorched crumbs, cheese and Pataks Lime pickle would ensure my passage into the afterlife of complete disinterest and apathy.

Regards;
Steve

…His family of mother, younger brother and himself are carefree almost to the extreme and once the kettle is boiled I take two coffees up and wake him from his sleep. Risen, he stands in all his glory; an unruly blonde mop of hair, sagging eyes like a stoner and a Derbyshire drawl. He doesn’t look more awake later on either. The toastie machine comes out and is loaded, we never clean it before or after believing that toastie machines shouldn’t ever be cleaned and are exempt from harming through poor food hygiene. It’s actually true and that’s why the manufacturers don’t redesign them to allow the escaped cheese to slide away instead of into the back. Nick and I discuss toastie machines a lot.

There is only one morning that is different. I hear scuffling as I get near the door to his room and, kicking it open with my foot I wander in and pass him the cup. He looks remarkably awake, for Nick, and his bed looks kind of lumpy. He is acting slightly more odd than usual too and I scan the room briefly, recognising some of the clothes. ‘Morning Vicky, tea or coffee?.’ Nick, it seems, has pulled.

—–

I didn’t make Vicky a toastie. I didn’t like her, see. Incidentally i used to care about the issues of toastie machines. How they were too small for English bread, too shallow for enough cheese, how the cheese went into the back without hundrance (**** hygiene, it was a waste of cooked cheese). I don’t care now of course, I use a panini machine instead. remove sources of angst from your life gentlemen, except wives because it’s very expensive to do that. just ignore them or be insincere when they need reassurance.

You’re not allowed to follow me. You tried to clean a sandwich toaster. That means you’re either a heretic or a woman. If the former, you’re banned from setting foot inside my church. If the latter you’re also banned because you’d start putting cushions on the pews. And so is religion but we’ll have broadband and a pool table and decent coffee. (ps it’s true, I was told 20 years ago that you should never clean a sandwich toaster by Nick and have steadfastly stuck to that principle since. As does my father. I wrote about it in my book, will try and find that bit in a bit).

Kev also talks a good talk and I used to follow him. Mostly out of curiosity, it has to be said.

Charlie – I know where you’re at, i’m comfortably under average income myself. Which has the benefit of not having too much tax pounds wasted allowing me to care less than if I was on BBC wages ;D I’m a winner all-round. Incidentally jeremy kyle is a superb tv presenter. what he does is he offers a night in a hotel free to all kinds of skanky pikies (think the Laurens and Vicki pollards of this world) who then come on his shout show where he rips into them about what a waste of protein they are, proves that they’re not the father of their kids with dna tests (doesn’t test the mothers though just in case), then proves they are lying and exposes them for the worthless scum they are…but it’s not about that. they help them. Then they process the next bunch. It’s wonderful. He Daily-Mail-ises people and though he makes out he cares he doesn’t in the slightest. I love it and watch it when I’m on shift with, on occasion, people who have themselves travelled up to manchester to appear on it.

Kev. It’s only black under all the ****. get the hoover out man.

Hi Snapper;

Thank you! You have just changed my perception of life in a few forum posts.

It’s been an almost religious experience.

In fact, maybe you could become the founder of a church that preaches these beliefs. I would certainly become a parishioner.

I would even convert religions. I used to worship the mighty Brevil sandwich toaster, but have become disillusioned of late due to the fact it’s a bu**er to clean.

No! I like your take on life. I wish to be a follower.

Regards;
Steve

PS. Are you the Messiah, or are you just a very naughty boy?

Well we now know how they spend the license fee, by paying £450,000 to George Entwistle for failing to do his job properly.

Regards,

kev35

I’ll fail to do his job properly for half that amount!

I think you’ll find that it’s not noticed you’re missing. you see, you’re just as unimportant to the world as the world is to you.

Well that is certainly true!! As for the rest, well, I am a fairly unflustered bloke so I can empathise with most of the rest. ( who’s Jeremy Kyle??) But a few things do matter and a few things which we cannot influence do affect us. And, as I don’t have much money I do care about that that is taken from me without choice.

Enjoy your evening…..well, I know you will!

…..kev35 of the forum had a brummie accent.

Git!

It’s Black Country you ignorant bumpkin!

Regards,

kev35

A different side of things entirely though Kev; I like to research stuff and like to commemorate things, I like to find stuff out and pay respects or rather did in the past and randomly, here and there since). Can’t see myself doing similar things again in the future though, I’m just too laid back now ;D

I still remember the shock (and absolute disgust, it goes without saying) at finding, on first meeting, that the eloquent, tenacious, intelligent and passionate kev35 of the forum had a brummie accent. The internet gives such a false representation of folk…mind you, I was still pissed.

Methinks that quite lot of what Snapper is writes is said tongue in cheek!!

Planemike

You’ve clearly never met Mark.

There are things that Mark cares deeply for and has agonised over and has gone to great lengths for to achieve something. If you want to troll through the last ten or twelve years of posts on Historic you will see the other side of Mark.

However, after ten minutes in his company, most of us are just glad to see the back of him. 😉

Regards,

kev35

He doesn’t, he’s had a lot of meditating on today and had to skip lunch. He’s going to pop over later to chill – we’re going to order in some Chinese.

—–

Have a go at being indifferent tomorrow. Here’s a guide, start with an early night and have a bath/shower beforehand so you don’t have to rush in the morning and get up ten minutes earlier so you have more time to do stuff. Have an extra coffee. Enjoy the radio while you’re stuck in traffic but avoid the news.

Go into work (if you work) a bit early and get the kettle on for the others. Give them a smile and a cheery hello when they arrive. They’ll appreciate that.

Get on with what you need to do and enjoy doing it.

Watch jeremy kyle in your break and view it as entertainment and laugh at the funny actions.

wander outside at some point at look at the sky. it’s nice that, it goes all the way to Barbados, around the Eiffel Tower, over the beach at Cannes and through a beach bar on the maldives. It’s nice sky that. have something to eat that’s quite pleasant.

Avoid the news if you can but if you can’t and you start to think about it just ask yourself if it really has any effect on you right now and then ignore it. Likewise, anyone who comes to you at work with anything that might require effort just keep consider it and deal with it and put it aside.

Don’t rush out of the office when the bell rings, don’t rush to the car – take a few moments to smile or chat with someone about nothing at all.

wander home gently.

if you live with anyone, give them a hug and stand around and let them talk and talk to them. Do what needs doing without undue effort.

Treat yourself to a drink or some sweets or something and pop your feet up and do nothing consequential for a while. maybe watch some light porn or go on a meander through links on wikipedia from somewhere or look up a forgotten song on youtube and waste some time. or have a peek at your holiday photos.

Phone a friend or copy a joke from the net that you find funny and text it out to people. If you parents are still alive give them a call and say hi, or a sibling or a child/niece/nephew.

then wander off to bed a little earlier than normal and when you wake up ask yourself if you missed out on anything or if the world has become any worse in your day’s absence. I think you’ll find that it’s not noticed you’re missing. you see, you’re just as unimportant to the world as the world is to you.

IF I cared then i’d get indignant, I’d have my blood pressure rise, I’d be saddened and made miserable about it, I’d ponder it and get stressed and ultimately the whole weight of the world would bear down on my shoulders and it’d be intolerable and I’d just have to kill myself to stop myself from feeling the unbearable angst.

You can care without experiencing all those other things, so I’ll take a bit more convincing. Hope the Dali Lama feels better after your chat!

You’d be wrong then Mike.

Let’s take the most contentious of these. Saville.

Why would I or should I care? Some bloke I always believed was a creepy nonce turns out, after he’s dead, to have been a creepy nonce. While creepily noncing around he fiddled with people I never knew and will never know and care just as little about. It has no more interest or effect on my life than what Harry Potter does with hermione when the lights go out at Hogwarts, ie it may as well be fiction or fantasty; it is irrelevant. I couldn’t care less about any other of the million victims of a million scum that I don’t know even. No matter how dreadful these things are they bear no relevance to my life.

IF I cared then i’d get indignant, I’d have my blood pressure rise, I’d be saddened and made miserable about it, I’d ponder it and get stressed and ultimately the whole weight of the world would bear down on my shoulders and it’d be intolerable and I’d just have to kill myself to stop myself from feeling the unbearable angst.

So i shall not care and I shall not be affected.

Gotta go, Dalai Lama just phoned up for a chat; he sounds a bit stressed.

Well, I did assume so, but have been enjoying it. A breath of fresh air in this stuffy environment! And I aspire to that level of disinterest in the wider world!!

Methinks that quite lot of what Snapper is writes is said tongue in cheek!!

Planemike

Can’t think of anything. I’m resigned to fags going up in price disproportionately every year so that’s not even an issue. Suppose i’d better empth the dishwasher.

I am sure some things must concern you, but if not, you are a lucky man!!:D

Of course it’s funny, I’m a cheery soul.

But again, no, I wouldn’t be bothered if someone threatened my family. I would deal with things, as I have in the past. But this is immaterial as that isn’t ‘the wider world’ or an issue per se, just an event.

Something else i’m not bothered about is junk mail and junk calls (one of which I’ve just answered) even though I’m registered for mail and telephone preference services. In fact the latter give me great joy at times when I’m mooching around the house bored duringt he day (i work nights). And no, I’m not bothered about the grants for cavity wall and loft insulation i’ve just been asked about nor who is paying for the people who get them.

[QUOTE=Snapper
I guess I’m Catherine Tate’s Lauren without the anger and the answer is no, I ain’t bovvered.[/QUOTE]

That is actually very funny! I don’t mean to be provocative but I presume that if something threatened your family and those you love you might then become “bovvered”.

Don’t you care how any of your taxes are spent? The license fee is only a tax under another name.

No, I don’t. I am completely ambivalent to whether my various taxation is spent on injured veterans or crack whores, primary schools or roundabouts, disco training for lepers in Bangladesh or the 3 R’s in in the village hall. I really couldn’t care less. They ask for my money and I hand it over and it’s dished out as someone else decrees and I have no say in where it goes and, quite frankly, I have no wish to be asked to veto or audit those payments.

I don’t actually have to pay a tv licence fee. I don’t watch live broadcasts so I can just unplug my aerial and be done with it; it’s so rare that there’s anything even vaguely interesting on the ten billion channels offered and frankly I don’t have the time to waste in that way. With internet catch up services I can watch the odd decent thing if I wish, or dvd’s, or youtube.

You see I took a chill pill and since then I am oblivious to all the angst available to me from every direction, I really, truly, honestly don’t give a flying proverbial about anything that goes on in the wider world nor anything that impacts upon me.

I don’t care that Jimmy Saville was a paedophile. I don’t care that Cameron got ambushed. I don’t care that Clive Dunn has died. I don’t care that a teenager burnt a poppy. I don’t care that Abu Qatada has been let out on bail, I don’t care that Moran is a thief. I live quite happily with my wife and children in my house with neighbours i don’t care about and bills that have got higher but I don’t really care about , I see my friends and have family over for meals and fail to care that the chickens I roast are intensively reared, I have a bunch of clothes I wear without caring that they’ve been made by cheap labour thousands of miles away, I jump in my little van and drive around not caring that I can’t afford to go as far as I could before and I unstrap my kayak and paddle out to sea fishing and don’t care that it was too windy and rough yesterday and the whiting are eating the bait that i put out for the cod that aren’t here and I go off to work another night shift and while I ensure that I do what I can to help with a cheery word I don’t truly care that the people I work with have had difficult and traumatic lives and will mostly never crawl back out of the gutter.

I guess I’m Catherine Tate’s Lauren without the anger and the answer is no, I ain’t bovvered.