London Airport Announcements

Do not play the sounds until you have read the following:

This is the story…..

We’d go and sit on the balcony at Terminal 3 at Heathrow Airport, directly under one of the PA speakers where we put a tape machine in a bag with the microphone poking out of the top. Then we’d look for a flight that had arrived in the last 40 minutes from somewhere where you’d expect people with unpronounceable names i.e. Saudi Arabia, We would then go to the Airport Help Desk with a prewritten note containing the names of fictitious passengers and ask them to read out the names over the PA system.

The passenger’s names looked innocent enough on paper but they sounded like something else when read out loud.

Looks like: Arheddis Varkenjaab and Aywellbe Fayed
Sounds like: I hate this ##### job, and I will be fired
Listen to it: 89kB wav file or 25kB ogg vorbis.

Looks like: Arjevbin Fayed and Bybeiev Rhibodie
Sounds like: I’ve just been fired, and bye-bye everybody
Listen to it: 66kB wav file or 19kB ogg vorbis.

Looks like: Aynayda Pizaqvick and Malexa Krost
Sounds like: I need a piss quick, and my legs are crossed
Listen to it: 62kB wav file or 19kB ogg vorbis.

Looks like: Awul Dasfilshabeda and Nowaynayda Zheet
Sounds like: Oo-ah, that feels sure better and now I need a #####
Listen to it: 67kB wav file or 19kB ogg vorbis.

Looks like: Makollig Jezvahted and Levdaroum DeBahzted
Sounds like: My colleague just farted, and left the room, the #####
Listen to it: 94kB wav file or 25kB ogg vorbis.

Looks like: Steelaygot Maowenbach and Tuka Piziniztee
Sounds like: Still, I got my own back and took a piss in his tea
Listen to it: 79kB wav file or 22kB ogg vorbis.

We got rumbled doing the “My colleague just, etc.” They actually threatened to arrest us as apparently they’d received complaints over the previous weeks!
The last one (Still, I got my own back…) was recorded at Gatwick airport which does not have such a good sound system, and is generally a much noisier place, so that’s why it sounds crap!

http://www.msxnet.org/humour/london-airport-announcements