Of Turkey and Tomcats….

“OF TURKEY AND TOMCATS”
By an Anonymous F-14 pilot in Afghanistan.

For Thanksgiving, the ship dressed up the wardroom, dimmed the lights and put out a nice T-Day spread. For a brief moment, it was almost like being at home. Sure it was! I don’t know too many folks who live in a gray tin can with 5,500 roommates, but what can you do? We had flights scheduled later in the day and scores of air crew had to fight off the tryptophan-induced nods during there 6 hrs flights over Afghanistan. Can you see the headlines now? “US fighter down in Afghanistan. Turkey overdose suspected. Should have gone for the dry ham.” I was able to call home and chat briefly with Marcy who filled me in on the untimely passing of her second fish. “Its ok daddy, we’ll get another one.” It was a great day.

The flights over Afghanistan continue. The country’s landscape reminds me of northern Nevada (without the casinos). As you cross over its southern border with Pakistan, you are met by hundreds of miles of desert.

After the desert of death (as the charts call it), you get into rolling hills and occasional 2,000 ft mountain ranges. From about mid-Afghanistan and northward, the country turns into dark brown mountains that max out at around 13,000 ft. Snow tops most of them, and it reminds me of the area surrounding Fallon, Nevada (One of our training areas). As you near the northern border, the mountains start to ease off and work back down into light brown, sandy plains. Off to the northeast are snow-capped ranges that reach 25,000 ft. Overall, the terrain looks extremely rugged. To date, I have not seen one tree.

The rural areas are littered with villages that are filled with collections of roofless, four walled structures that appear to be abandoned. The “cities” are completely unremarkable and colorless, with no structure being taller than 2 stories.

A few funny stories for you before I sign off; I have written previously about air-to-air refueling that goes on around here. Over time, you get a feel for who the cool tanker drivers are and who the dolts are. Cool tanker guys? The RAF ! Love these guys. They will always go the extra mile (literally) to make sure you get your gas when and where you need it. The RAF tankers are always on station and on time. Apparently, F-14 is there favorite platform.

A few days ago, we were directed to hang on an RAF tankers wing until we had been given mission tasking. After about 10 minutes, I decided to strike a conversation with the crew (we monitor the same frequency while getting gas) to kill time. After a 30-minute exchange of good hearted jabs, the pilot delivered a challenge to our flight of two.

This RAF guy says, “If you F-14 chaps are truly Americas finest fighter aircraft’(my quote from a previous discussion), then you should have no problem getting into the basket first time right?” I responded with, “yeah, I usually bat about .900 with these poorly designed British refueling baskets. Tell you what, we’ll put a case of beer on both Tomcats getting in the first time. “ Did I mention hes flying a VC 10 tanker from which a basket comes off close to each wingtip; this exacerbates the turbulence problem by virtue of the rough airflow over the wingtip? Screw it. Bets on.

The call finally comes for us to go and hit some targets, so its time to get topped off. Pressures on. I head over to the tankers left wing, my wingman over to his right, and as we are closing in, I tell my wingman, “Now Striker, as you get in close, try not to think of all the great British warriors of the past: the Spice girls, Wham UK and Dame Edna. Just free your mind and be the basket.”

A couple of corrections later and just as I plug on the first attempt, I scream over the radio “Revolutionary war, baby!” Striker was good on his first attempt, too, so the final score was US 2, England 0. I doubt we’ll see the beer, but who would want a case of warm beer anyway?

One last thing before I complete my novella: please remember in your thoughts and prayers every single enlisted sailor who is slugging it out there on the USS Theodore Roosevelt. The aviator types have it easy, but I think of that 19 year old kid up on the flight deck 17 hours a day, fixing the same jets day in and day out, while maintaining the same daily routine for over 70 days straight (only 2 days off in six weeks). They are the real heroes of operation Enduring Freedom because it is through their efforts that we are able to launch and ultimately defend American shores.

Through it all, you rarely hear one complain from these kids despite the fact hat they are working harder than anyone on this planet in the most dangerous “office space” on earth: the flight deck of an aircraft carrier.

I hope this mail finds you all safe and enjoying the holiday season. I can honestly say there is no other place on earth I would rather be, than right here, right now.

Enjoy……