Saturday night TV in Britain

BBC1
6:45 pm Johnny and Denise: Passport to Paradise
7:35 pm National Lottery In It To Win It
Dale Winton presents the nail biting big money quiz show, where five contestants compete to be in the right place at the right time. Includes the all important lottery draws.
8:20 pm Casualty
A Dangerous Initiative: Bex floats on cloud nine after her evening with Luke. Simon is summoned in by Harry while the new paramedic, Nina can’t resist playing the hero to the detriment of her team.
9:10 pm Dalziel and Pascoe
For Love nor Money: When a retired police officer is found murdered, Dalziel falls out with his team over a suspect. But Pascoe finds a cuckoo in the nest, and soon there’s no one they can trust.
10:40 pm BBC News
National and international news from the BBC. Followed by Weather.
11:00 pm Film – The Saint
12:50 am Weather View
12:55 am Top of the Pops
1:55 am BBC News 24

BBC2
7:00 pm Restoration
Each week, local restoration issues are profiled. Catch up on the Restoration campaigns in each area as the buildings compete to win the votes they need to save them from dereliction.
7:10 pm BBC Proms 2004
Live from the Royal Albert Hall, The Bavarian Radio Symphony Orchestra plays Shostakovich’s Violin Concerto No 1 and Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No 6: Pathétique. Conducted by Mariss Jansons.
9:10 pm Born on the Fourth of July
Young Ron Kovic volunteers for the Vietnam War, only to be wounded in battle. Paralysed, he returns to an America vastly different from the one he left. Stars Tom Cruise. Strong language. [1989]
11:25 pm Film – Noriega: God’s Favourite
2:00 am The Programmers

ITV
18:35 Celebrities Under Pressure
Game show hosted by Vernon Kay in which celebrities take part in a variety of challenges in order to win prizes for members of the public. Model Caprice gets her hands dirty down on the farm and The Bill’s Daniel MacPherson goes disco dancing 500ft in the air.
19:35 Simply the Best
Game show series presented by Phil Tufnell and Kirsty Gallacher in which teams from around the country and guest celebrities compete in a variety of games and challenges. In this edition a team from London captained by actress Lucy Speed and TV presenter Jeff Brazier take on a team from Manchester led by TV presenter Sarah Cawood and comedian Paul Tonkinson. Plus, there’s music from Gabrielle, Jennifer Ellison and V.
21:10 It’ll Be Alright On The Night 11
Denis Norden introduces another collection of out-takes, foul-ups, bleeps and blunders from the TV archives.
22:10 Film – Coyote Ugly
Teen drama starring Piper Perabo, Adam Garcia and Maria Bello. An aspiring singer-songwriter gets a job in a sleazy New York bar while pursuing her dreams of stardom.
23:15 ITV Weekend News, Weather
23:30 Film – Coyote Ugly (Cont.)
Teen drama starring Piper Perabo, Adam Garcia and Maria Bello. An aspiring singer-songwriter gets a job in a sleazy New York bar while pursuing her dreams of stardom.
0:20 Film – My Fellow Americans
Comedy starring Jack Lemmon and James Garner as former US presidents from opposite ends of the political spectrum who become unlikely allies.

Channel 4
15:30 Test Cricket
Continued coverage of day three of the second Test between England and the West Indies at Edgbaston. With commentary from a team including Richie Benaud, Geoff Boycott, Mike Atherton, Ian Bishop and Dermot Reeve, and analysis from Simon Hughes.
18:40 Channel 4 News
Including news headlines, sport and weather.
19:10 Weapons That Made Britain
4 of 5. Documentary series tracing the history of British weaponry, presented by weapons expert Mike Loades. In this edition he reveals how the shield-wall was crucial to winning battles in Anglo Saxon times and tests the tactics that King Alfred the Great used to fight off the Vikings.
20:10 The Ancient Greek Olympics
2 of 2. Concluding the two-part documentary exploring the origin and history of the ancient Olympic games – a contest of athletic prowess that began 2,500 years ago in celebration of the god Zeus and featured sacrifice, feasting and processions. This edition compares the ancient and modern versions of the games, which – although conceived in different societies with different moral codes – have become more similar as time goes by.
21:10 Big Brother
A chance to catch up with all the latest events in the Big Brother House.
22:00 Pop Queens: The Rivals
Documentary examining the lives and careers of some of the most famous female icons in the history of pop and rock, including Diana Ross, Whitney Houston and Jennifer Lopez. The programme reveals how these stars have attained their iconic status and considers what it takes to make it to the top in a notoriously cut-throat industry. Featuring contributions from the stars’ former personal assistants and stylists, as well as celebrity fans including Blu Cantrell, Girls Aloud, Lisa Maffia and Mica Paris.
23:35 Bo’ Selecta!
Eclectic comedy with spoof presenter Avid Merrion and series guest Patsy Kensit.
0:10 Today at the Test
Mark Nicholas presents highlights from day three at the second Test between England and the West Indies from Edgbaston. Includes interviews with key players, plus comment and analysis from studio guests.
0:45 Big Brother Live
Live coverage from the Big Brother house.

five
17:50 Film – Dudley Do-Right
Slapstick comedy based on the TV cartoon series, starring Brendan Fraser as the bumbling Canadian mountie. With Sarah Jessica Parker.
19:10 Charmed
US drama series starring Alyssa Milano, Rose McGowan and Holly Marie Combs. Paige travels back in time to her teenage years to sort out her feelings about her parents’ death.
20:05 five news and sport
News magazine.
20:15 Martial Law
1 of 2. First of a two-part episode in the US crime drama series starring Sammo Hung. Sammo and Terrell attempt to foil a father-and-daughter crime team before the pair close a big opium deal. With Arsenio Hall, Billy Blanks, Tzi Ma and Elaine Lui.
21:10 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
US crime drama series starring William L Peterson and Marg Helgenberger. The team takes on three cases – the discovery of a robbery victim in a locked cupboard, an unsupervised teenagers’ party which goes awry, and the murder of a bounty hunter – and discover that two of the cases may be linked. With Gary Dourdan, Jorja Fox and George Eads.
22:05 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
US crime drama series. Stabler and Benson investigate a sexual assault which is similar to one they worked on six months before. Starring Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay.
23:00 The Shield
US police drama series. When Julien’s former partner, Tommy, is accused of killing his ex-wife and son Julien teams up with Mackey to conduct his own investigation, and Dutch gives a televised statement to the press about the hunt for the cuddler rapist. Starring Michael Jace, Michael Chiklis and Jay Karnes.
0:00 Law & Order
US crime drama series set in New York. Briscoe and Curtis investigate the shooting of a high school teacher, and Briscoe’s daughter goes to court to testify against her drug dealer. Starring Jerry Orbach, Benjamin Bratt and Jennifer Bill. (Series 8 ep 22)
0:50 Film – Lethal Lolita
Sensational true-story drama starring Noelle Parker as a high-school teenager who shot and seriously injured the wife of her much older lover. With Ed Marinaro.

The above is the terrestrial schedule for Saturday 31st July on British TV, roughly in the 19:00 – 02:00 time period.
Many of you will be old enough to remember sitting with your family on Saturday nights, watching some sort of bumbling game show (usually The Generation Game or something from a holiday resort in the summer – yawn), Doctor Who, maybe Dixon of Dock Green or Hawaii Five-Oh, and then the Saturday film. Those were the days when TV planners knew that Saturday night was the showcase: audiences were frequently up in the 15-18 million zones for the best shows and that was important to each station.
Now?
Now planners are happy if there are 15-18 million viewers watching any channel at anyone time.
Last week the expensive and hugely hyped Passport To Paradise, bringing Johnny Vaughan and Denise van Outen together in an effort to revive the old-style Saturday night variety TV, was beaten by ITVs Celebrities Under Pressure and, much more embarrassingly, a Miss Marple repeat on BBC2. Big wigs tried to blame the good weather for the devastating loss of viewers…

What do you want to see on tele?
How would you improve the dire state of UK TV?
Do you (or will you admit to) watching Saturday night TV?
What is on tele on Saturday night in other countries? And is it as dire as in Britain?

Just asking…

Flood.™