Things we have learned from TV

never did quite work out the colour code thingy ! must have been a bit rum if you were colour blind ! perhaps they gave you a pair of those ‘glasses’ made out of metal combs 🙂

If you get ‘beamed’ down as an unknown extra in the Star Trek crew your gonna get zapped … horribly

More accurately, if you wore a red Starfleet sweater, you were certainly gonna buy it!

If you get ‘beamed’ down as an unknown extra in the Star Trek crew your gonna get zapped … horribly

Back in the 1970s and ’80s, if you were a black dude in an action or horror film, you wouldn’t make it to the end….!

Every woman that takes off her clothes is wearing “black” matching designer underwear :confused:

That’s real life mate…. 🙂

Don’t i know it!

All village girls in the 18th or 19th Century have heaving bosoms and are generally Satan’s willing lapdogs…

1/ In a car chase all the cars on a road will be equally spaced to allow the hero’s car to move between them.

2/ No one has to put there shoes on to go out, they wear them all the time.

3/ All hero’s in the USA drive classic muscle cars.

4/ Politicians are always appalled/outraged/disgusted/concerned/dismayed about everything that will get them a vote.

“…a crashing car will explode…”

I’ve noticed this…

I’ve also noticed that unless you are Jamesw Bond, people NEVER change their clothes, even though to story lasts days or even weeks.

and time has no meaning or impact – people leave for somewhere else and arrive there instantly….mere mortals take hours.

That sometimes, two or more people who have a native language that isn’t English, will have whole conversations to each other in English, even when they are not around any native English speakers.

That the workings of super-duper technology that can do things once thought of as ‘sci-fi’, or something once thought of ‘unexplained phenomenon’, can be explained rationally as if they could be invented now quite easily.

That everyone is good looking!

That Jessica Fletcher can solve a crime WHEREVER SHE IS, yet no one clicks that it is rather suspicious that she is ALWAYS around when there is a crime…..

That even though there exists several neighbourhoods in the UK (Square’s, Close’s, Village’s, Street’s etc) where people are constantly dying/being killed/having affairs/committing crimes, people still think it is a good idea to move there?!

That generally, no one goes to the toilet.

That when a bad guy goes to kill a good guy, there is always a need to hesitate and make some speech, giving just enough time for the good guy to turn the tables or for someone to intervene.

That a) I would be a lot better off if I signed up to some form of debt consolidation scheme, b) I would be a lot better off if I went through a claims company if I trip on the street or cut my finger at work and c) it is a perfectly rational and normal thing to do to air my families problems on national TV.

Everyone’s a Lawyer or DA

I’ve yet to hear a screeching tyre when an airliner lands.

Solicitors always call round to your house

American hospitals have constant Tannoy messages. (Praps they do,never been in one)

Sink tidies are always full of dishes

TV chefs always prepare a “little” something

What do news presenters say to each other after the sound goes off? (That could start a whole new thread)

Probably the same inanities as when the sound is still on!

i was thinking of some of the things we have learned from tv over the years
note: this is very much toungue in cheek

1. Fools are to be pitied

2. No matter how hard or soft the impact, a crashing car will explode

3. A man can take the beating of his life without uttering a sound but will wince in pain when a woman tries to clean his wounds

4. no matter how bad the gridlock is, there will always be space for gigantic powerslides during high-speed chases

5. the hero always wins

6. anyone showing a picture of a loved one will die a brutal death shortly thereafter

I would add the following to that list,

1)Its OK for a forensic scientist to wear shed loads of make up and have hair uncovered.

2)The most obvious time to visit the grave to exhume the body is when its dark and often raining

3)Like wise if a place it haunted then its best to visit on a dark night

4)Anywhere that John Nettles live ends up with a huge crime rate

5)All crimes can be resolved just in time for the end of the show.

6)Everyone in the town or street will drink in the same pub.

7)If the car chase involves somebody who is trying to escape by aircraft they will always make it as far as the runway and normally attempt to take off before being caught, And such aircraft never need to wait for air traffic clearance.

8)Romantic shows and films will normally have a autumn scene in a park when the couple involved are going through hard times

There must be many more like these.

You never have to negotiate when buying or selling a business.

“I hear you’re selling the pub?”
“You want it?”
“Yeah, I want it.”
“It’s yours”

There’s always at least one ginger person in any film about Loch Ness !!! :diablo:

In bedroom scenes where the woman has just been making love to a man whilst they’re both supposedly naked…yet when the phone rings or she gets up use the bathroom she wraps the sheet around herself in modesty

…we now go over to Saint ****** School to talk to the headmaster:

“Personally I’m relieved that ******** won’t be attending my school any more, if ‘attending’ is correct word to describe the serial- truancy and extremely disruptive behaviour of this violent, drunken, foul-mouthed, ignorant, ASBO-magnet, little ****!

When he was here he learned nothing except how to bully and extort money from children half his size. He would certainly have left here with no qualifications whatsoever and would simply have become another burden to the taxpayer…

…like the rest of his benefit-cheating family.

Frankly I think that the bull that gored him to death did us all a favour!

Right, I’m off now to update my CV.”

Brilliant! If I ever see this on the telly I will burn my newly acquired and treasured copy of Miles Aircraft – The Early Years!:D

In hand-to-hand fighting you need to keep spinning around and saying “Hah! Hah! Hah!” for no apparent reason.

That no child or adult killed accidentally or with intent is anything other than, kind, warm, generous, loving of their family, courageous, a model citizen and destined for greatness. :rolleyes:

…we now go over to Saint ****** School to talk to the headmaster:

“Personally I’m relieved that ******** won’t be attending my school any more, if ‘attending’ is correct word to describe the serial- truancy and extremely disruptive behaviour of this violent, drunken, foul-mouthed, ignorant, ASBO-magnet, little ****!

When he was here he learned nothing except how to bully and extort money from children half his size. He would certainly have left here with no qualifications whatsoever and would simply have become another burden to the taxpayer…

…like the rest of his benefit-cheating family.

Frankly I think that the bull that gored him to death did us all a favour!

Right, I’m off now to update my CV.”