What Made You Smile Today III?

pity you could’t pan him one.
Jim.

No,………we leave that to the local bobbies.:rolleyes:

Baz

Baz. Well done, another TW*T who wants to get a life, pity you could’t pan him one.
Jim.
Lincoln .7

Abducted by aliens dident wash with them,nor did i was actually in the back of the van stapping my kit down when your kind chappie was ticketing the front.
Ah well 50 quid lighter,for being 11 minutes over the time.

…Lock stock and two smoking barrels comes to mind…………..

A few years ago I was involved in a rescue in Newquay of a dog that had been chasing a Gull, went over the cliff. The only access was by way of a private road/track serving several properties near Fistral beach. These people had obviously got hacked off with camper vans invading their space and hired a clamping company to protect it. As a Coastguard we have access rights to the cliff edge for rescue purposes, however, as I was donning a harness at the rear of the C/G landrover (among the teams private response vehicles, about 9 4x4s) a little Fiesta van pulled up and out jumped a smart young chap in a shirt and tie. As I was the nearest and sort of took some vague interest when he pulled up, he collared me. “Whats going on here then?”, he said angrily. I responded with ‘its a rescue, mate’.
“You can’t park here, its private”
I said wait until we’ve finished and we’ll talk about it. He continued arguing for a few minutes and ended up with “Whats to stop me clamping all these vehicles?”, after pause I replied ‘Go ahead, when we’ve finished, we will bolt crop them off our trucks and put you into a cliff harness.”
“why would you put me into a harness?”

“Mate, to put the broken clamps into the back of your van, you will need to be lowered the 200 feet to reach it”

I was then pre-occupied with recovering the remains of someones beloved pet. Apparently he waited a minute or so then drove off, needless to say no one was clamped!

Baz

At the last count, Mrs B has 57 USA pen friends……………….ALL MEN.;):D
Jim.

Lincoln .7

BB – how could you possibly think that……..?:D:diablo:

The feature in today’s paper of a Russian scientist diving with Beluga whales near the Arctic Circle.
Nothing funny about that,but it’s a female scientist and she’s naked.
One of the photos shows her as she prepares to dive,with a group of male scientists,well muffled-up in freezing temperatures.
It’s thought that it’s easier to interact with the whales ” without the barrier of clothes “.
I may be a cynical old dear,but I swear one of the scientists is saying to another , ” I can’t believe she actually fell for it ! ” :diablo:

A Traffic Jobsworth, sorry warden, tried to ticket me once, parked outside my parents’ house 10 minutes outside of the allowed times. It was a fair cop, but I got away with it. How, you ask? Simple. One side of the street has one name, the other side of the street has a different name. Said jobsworth had written the name of the wrong side of the street on the ticket! 😀

Wasn’t there a sketch along those lines?…Mel and Griff, Fast Show….can’t quite drag the details from memory…….

He made his quota that day,lol
16 vans all loading up with their tools,10 got done.
I’m afraid were easy pickings for them,they know we have to secure stuff in the vans and that’s where the meters click.

Mind you,ive seen them hanging about waiting for our times to run out and weve paid by phone just at the last minute.:diablo:

😀 -I like “…your kind chappie was ticketing the front” bit. Classic. Yup – it’s an easy way to lose £50 and often more these days…….

Abducted by aliens dident wash with them,nor did i was actually in the back of the van stapping my kit down when your kind chappie was ticketing the front.
Ah well 50 quid lighter,for being 11 minutes over the time.

Thinking of mitigating circumstances to avoid this parking ticket…lol

…we’ve been waiting for you to share them with us!:D

I had a job interview earlier and when I was asked my age and replied 33 I was told I look much younger than that! 😀

By the man who interviewed me 😮

Thinking of mitigating circumstances to avoid this parking ticket…lol

Button passing Vettel….Sweet:D

Old bean

I hope you have a current Passport to come into my patch young man, we are very particular who we have here, as are the Poles, Lithuanians, Ukranians, ad infinitem.:D
Jim.

Lincoln .7

Excuse me but I was here in 57 watching Javelins do touch and goes, I’ve just come home:D

Bruggen 130. further to my last, whatever you do, don’t forget to turn the landing light off when you go to bed;)

Jim.

Lincoln .7

Just got the keys today for our static caravan on Tattershall lake park, next to Coningsby I can see the take offs from my front window:D

I hope you have a current Passport to come into my patch young man, we are very particular who we have here, as are the Poles, Lithuanians, Ukranians, ad infinitem.:D
Jim.

Lincoln .7

Baz. Don’t mention Taunton Dean. bad memories. I towed my boat to my lads one year in Bodmin, on the way home, stopped at the Service Stn to check tie down straps, and went and had a cuppa. Came back, and found, that even though the boat had a fitted cover, some very nice person has stripped all the radio and nav aids from it £5.000.00 in total. Reported to Police who never even turned up, they could have at least checked out the cameras in the car park had they attended.:(
Jim.

Lincoln .7

Hand feeding Juvenile Rooks at Taunton Deane services (southbound) with chips, this evening. More than twenty, all yelling at me and had me in fits with their antics.

Next time you’re here, give it a go, much funnier than ducks!

Baz:)