RE: OK, so what did Santa bring?

T5

Corsa it wont !

You should start selective breeding with ’em…contraception can be a bit tricky, having to ask for ‘coil’ for a ‘Princess’ etc etc, but hey !

Cheers

Gary

RE: One for Rabie

Thanks for that mate.
I notice your bars are set back on the trailly, does that give better leverage ?. I havent altered a thing on mine since I brought it earlier on this year. Dont know how good it (or even me !) would be on a trial as its only a 125 and feels a bit athsmatic.

I must get mine down town and get the fork seals replaced, the cables replaced, the carb overhauled, the fuel tap overhauled, the dent taken out of the tank, oh and replace the brakes with ones that actually work !. Fortunately with trials gearing on it (check out the size of the rear sprocket), flat out is a staggering 65KPH…thats about fourty, so most ‘offs should happen in slomo !.

Found a little shop in one of the back streets of Limassol that’ll do all that and still gimme change from about 30 quid so its going down there soon.

Cheers

Gary

RE: Chickens

[updated:LAST EDITED ON 26-12-02 AT 07:23 AM (GMT)]Thanks guys

Lizards ….?….cant see lizard farms taking off (Lizard Run ! teehee). Actually, I suppose with four legs instead of two the thrust / weight ratio would be superior and if they where found to be overweight at take off, they could all drop their tails…but thats another tale !

Mind you, if the Pilgrims fathers had shot a cat instead of a Turkey, guess what we’d be eating for Christmas dinner !?!?.

All the best for the New Year…and no C*rslb*rg yet (okay, I s’pose 09.23 in the morning is bit too early to start, but hey, I dont have to go to work till tpmmorrow !)

Cheers

Gary

RE: My Bad Day

Michael

A few weeks ago, I woke up with a splitting headache but being a concientious sort of chap still went to work. 30 mins of work at the PC on my desk and I couldnt find the off switch for the invisible jackhammer that was neatly mounted somewhere inside my head. I went home !.

Gets home and thought I’d have a quick cuppa then go back to bed. Kettle on…bing bong (doorbell). 3 locals from the ground maintenance team…”we come to check your gas appliances okay ?”. Couldnt really say no so let em in.

Dog starts barking

One strips the gas cooker so it resembles a Haynes manual exploded view, one’s outside with a hammer (?) checking the gas water heater and the other guys upstsairs in the bathroom checking the shower out.

Dog still barking !

Oh well, they’ll soon finish…where’s me cuppa tea ?

Bing bong…doorbell…

Dog now barking very loudly !

Answer dooor to four five guys all wearing collar and ties etc “Ah good morning we’ve come to check you quarter for Asbestos may we come in ?”

Aha I thought ….” but you are supposed to be here at 12.30 not 5 past nine in the morning !”

“Yes but we’ve just got here and your door was open…”

Now these guys split up and went through the house with afine tooth comb, opening cupboard’s taking pictures and dust samples from wherever they could find any…some where poutside taking scrapings from the the drain pipes…you get the picture

So far the saving grace was that two of the last lot are scared s***less of dogs !!! made my day that did teehee

Headache still struggling to be known, dog now in a slightly queiter frenzy.

Bing Bong…yup …doorbell again, this time its our cleaner lady come to do the ironing.

Lets see nine people in the house so far !

5 to ten they’ve all finished and all the paperworks been signed so I think I have a cupp and then go to bed…

Dog’s gone hoarse and finally shut up

Ring Ring…telephone. Boss from work !
” Ahh Gary, I know youre of work sick but can you get the keys for the trucks down to the yacht club, they’re coming to take them away for repair in half an hour…!”

Oh well…didnt want a drink anyway.

10.30 on the dot, Im at the yacht club. get one truck on the back of the recovery landrover and am told that the tractor will have to be driven up the tunnel cos the lorry thats gonna take it away wont fit in the tunnel. No problem…I’ll drive it up.

Bad move. Clutch has gone so you cant change gear once started and its locked in low ratio. Get it started and the effing thing jams in second gear. 3 MPH flogging the rocks off the engine (low ratio you see) Took 14 minutes to drive the length of the tunnel and with the deisel bellowing away on a short stack in a confined space, well it wasnt quiete.

Get back down the club and find the truck having its propshaft taken off. It’d jammed in four wheel drive and couldnt be towed.

Got home at 11.30. Learnt my lesson and didnt bother with a cup of tea. Went straight to bed.

Head hits the pillow…ring ring (telephone..)

Someone else form work “Gary, I know your home sick but….etc etc.”

I have to say that at this point me headache finally gave up and b*ggered off.

Moral of the story…when you go home sick, take the phone off the hook and bolt the doors.

Cheers

Gary

RE: How old is Santa Claus??????????

>So. just how old is the old boy?

Ask the unemployment office cos I understand he re-registers every year on the 26th !!!. They will have all his details on file.

>What nationality is he?

Pole’ish

>Is reindeer manure good for the garden?

I must admit, I havent heard Gardeners World mention it recently, but then I dont suppose they get much in the way of callers from the North Pole

What gives reindeer and sleigh its thrust and lift, therefore giving it the ability to fly?

Flubber !

Why doesn’t Santa where a seat belt?

He’s one of those sneaky types who thinks that if he wears a dark suit with a black belt around his middle, he can get away with looking like he’s wearing a Lap (pun intended) belt.

Can anyone answer this cryptic question?

!! htiw trats ot yas tn’did uoy ,cityrpc erehw yeht oS…hA

“Carols remark at Columbus’s departure?”

” Yes, the coast is clear, he wont be back for a while, you can come round now Walter !”

Why do we put wreaths on the door at Xmas, when its the
birth of Jesus?

Cos if you put ’em on the Mantle peice, they’d probably catch fire !

Do you guys REALLY like Xmas?

Yup. I love to give presents. Not too keen on receiving tho’!

Why am I waffling?

Sometimes, it helps.

Dave
:+

Cheers

Gary