RE: Jokes about your own Nationality/Country!!

You Know You’re Greek When…

1) You’re 5’4″, can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.

2) Your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a ’76 Monte Carlo.

3) You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro.

4) Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.

5) You have a relative that has done something that required the IRS to threaten him.

6) Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law’s brother-in-law.

7) You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 dance clubs.

8) Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your “Just Do Me” tank top to Wasaga.

9) At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.

10) All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.

11) A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the title of “professor” among your aunts.

12) You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

13) If someone in your family grows beyond 5′ 9″, it is presumed his mother had an affair.

14) There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.

15) You netted more than $50,000 on your baptism.

16) At some point in your life, you waited tables.

17) 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say “Embros” when answering the phone.

18) You are an adult and are forced to be with your family at 12 midnight on New Year’s Eve.

19) Upon meeting another Greek, one of your first questions is, “what church do you go to”?

20) Your grandmother/mother/aunt has a miracle cure for every ailment under the sun.

21) You can name any or all of the gods on Mount Olympus.

22) Your mother or father still feel the need to tell you, “katse kala” in public.

23) You have been hit with a “pandofla” or a “koutala” or a “lourithi”.

24) You can dance the kalamatiano, tsamiko or zebekiko without music.

25) You or a family member have been photographed with a donkey.

26) You must name your children after your parents, grandparents, or in-laws.

27) You have at least 5 Maria’s, 9 Dimitri’s, 5 Niko’s, 6 George’s and 4 Yanni’s in the family.

28) You have ever heard the phrase, “Sto leo yia to kalo sou”.

29) Your parents have ever made up the name of a street or store or tv show because they couldn’t remember it or pronounce it.

30) Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village they’re from.

31) You have ever been threatened by a Greek School Teacher.

32) You still get threatened by a Greek School Teacher even though you’re 30 yrs old.

33) You have been spanked by your friend’s parents because your parents gave them permission to.

34) You have a bottle of OUZO in your house right now.

35) You know what a “komboloi” is.

36) You know how to work a “komboloi”.

37) When you were younger and going on car trips you always had to sit on someone’s lap in the front or back seat.

38) You were ever threatened to be eaten by the “mavro pontiki” when you were little.

39) Someone in your family owns or works in any type of restaurant.

40) You are surprised to learn that the local pet store does not sell goats.

41) You can’t understand why McDonald’s rejected your idea for the “McFeta” Burger.

42) Your entire house is a needlepoint warehouse!

43) You eat Vanilla with a spoon from the jar.

44) You have at least 2 kitchens in your house and a lamb roaster in your backyard.

45) Your parents keep the unclaimed $$$$$ in old moth ball smelling coat pockets.

46) At Weddings the karta (card) is determined on the amount of food, the type of band, if the couple is Greek and whether you are convinced the marriage will last.

47) You make up your own Greco-American language :For e.g. Carro (car), Moovare (move), Wassemassini (washing machine), bassi (bus).

48) You can always go to yiayia or papou to curse out your parents and all they do is soothe you and feed you karpouzi.

49) You have been given the evil eye by your mother in public and/or the biting of the forefinger knuckle.

50) You were the first one to get cable on your block, but the last to have it legally.

51) You dread kissing everyone at family gatherings, because you wind up smelling like armpits at the end of the night.

52) You’ve been embarrassed by Mom or Dad in stores because they expect the Greek discount and ask to waive the tax if they pay in cash.
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The Official Greek Handbook…
How to be a cool Greek

1. wear clothes of 2 colors, black and white.

2. own a cell phone and use it in at inapropriate times- in church, restaurant, funeral, wedding etc.

3. refer to anyone who’s not Greek disparingly as “xeni” and pity them for not being as cultures and sophisticated as the greeks.

4. have predominantly Greek friends, with a few token “xeni” thrown in for diversity. talk greek when “xeni” are aound

5. dress as though you are headed for a club when you’re actually going to work or class.

6. if you are a Greek woman, stare menacingly at the other women around you, especially if there richer or more attractive than you.

7. if you are a Greek guy, be sure not to bathe to achieve an “earthy” scent, then try to mask it with a lot of cologne; the combination drives babes wild.

8. smoke as if is your last day on earth…and smoke only malboros.

9. travel only in droves of 10 or more , and be as loud as possible at all times.

10. if you’re single, go to all Greek intercollegiate parties and all GOYA conferences, even if you’re 45 years old.

11. if you’re a single Greek over 30, rell everyone you’re in your 20’s, even if you’re pushing 50.

12. if you’re a single Greek gut, tell women you’re a “successful businessman” or that you “own a successful business back in greece” even if you’re an unemployed goat farmer.

13. dirty dance to Greek folk music.

14. wear only “designer” labels, even if you buy them off a cart on a sidewalk in Manhattan.

15. make sure “designer” lables are extremely visible, preferably embroided on the front of the apparel.

16. if you are a Greek guy, walk 10 feet in front of your woman and call her only when you want sex, then go into a deep depression and lament “theft” of your woman when she dumps you for another guy.

17. if you’re a Greek guy, be indifferent and rude to any woman you’re interested in dating, especially if she’s Greek.

18. if you’re a Greek guy, date “xenes” that treat you badly but marry a Greek woman that can treat you badly.

19. if you’re a Greek woman, date “xeni” you can treat badly but marry a Greek guy that treats you badly.

20. wear a leather jacket at all times… even in the summer.

21. tell American aquantances that money is never an object, even if you only have 10 bucks to your name.

22. guys: if you have hair, get it cut every week and use at least 3 different styling products; if you’re bald, develop a big ego to mask your insecurity. (applicable to short men)

23. make sure you install every possible option in your car, even if it is a Yugo.

24. own a sports car, even if its junk.

25. claim to be a devout Orthodox Christian but know nothing about the religion other than the date of your name day.

26. use church as social ground to meet potential dates.

27. if you are a Greek woman, dye your hair an obvious fake shade of blonde that is nonexistant in nature and swear that it’s natural.

28. if you are a Greek american, act like your father was royalty back in Greece but fell into hard times after the 1973 coup.

29. pump Greek music in the hood.

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How To Raise A Greek Daughter…

1. Never let your daughters spend the night anywhere, except at a fellow Greek’s house.

2. Spend their whole life trying to find them a husband and disapproving of every one they find on their own.

3. Spoil them rotten, but make them feel guilty for it when they ask for something.

4. Fathers – tell them their just like their mothers when you’re mad. Mothers- tell them they have their father’s head when you’re mad.

5. Always compare them to other greek girls (preferably those they can’t stand) when trying to make them do something.

6. Complain that their clothes are too short, too tight, too low cut, too black, too cheap, or not right for church.

7. Brag to your friends about how beautiful and smart they are, but tell them to make their sons to stay away.

8. Press for them to marry a greek man, but then ward them off any Greek man you see them with. “He’s okay, but his mother is crazy.” “His father cleans up goat #####.” “I heard his has a big house but he locks his yiayia downstairs, do you want to marry someone like that?” “No policemen.”

9. Tell them they eat too much or not enough, depending on the situation.

10. Let them run around naked as children, but make them dress like nuns as adults.

11. Complain they spend too much money shopping, and then go out and blow $1000 on a poker game or gambling.

12. Tell them they never keep their car clean enough, even if your vehicle is covered in dust, reeks of smoke, and has empty coffee cups and food crumbs covering the inside.

13. Force them to be nice to people they can’t stand, while you talk about those same people like they are dogs.

14. Have a fit when they use the word ‘malaka’, but use it yourself as if it were going out of style.

15. Let their brothers get away with murder.

16. Embarass them by getting drunk at name days, Easter, festivals, etc, and then dancing the zembekeiko.

17. Assign a name to all their friends, and use them at inappropriate occasions (i.e. the mavra, the fat one, the ugly one, the dumb one, the slut, the chinese one)

18. Never let them leave the house after 10 O’clock.

19. Force them to go to church, join GOYA, dance in the festival.

20. Tell them “good greek girls don’t behave that way” as many times as possible within a lifetime.

21. Buy them gold jewelry even when you know they only wear silver.

22. Fathers – always leave your shirt unbuttoned at least 3 buttons, exposing chest hair and gold cross, when going anywhere with your daughters.

23. Expect them to know all of the Greek dances – except for the tsiftetelli.

24. Make them believe that Greek women never have sex.

RE: greeks are homos

Excuse me, but who the hell are you, and what if anything do you have to do with any of this? Just curious. I see you’re a Pakistani. Shouldn’t you be off flaming the Indians and dancing around because one of their 21s went down? You probably should also be starting about a zillion threads of “what should PAF buy…” and “why doesn’t PAF buy F-18s”? Not to mention using photoshop to construct a BVR capability for the PAF. Or it could be that you might be searching for ways to increase Pakistan’s wealth. After all, us “little” guys have a defence budget 3 times yours.

Adoni, aston afton. Arhidi einai. Min dineis simasia. O Pakistanos zilevi oti i Ellada ehei mahitika pou den ehi afto to skato-kratos. Afti pinane ekei kai tha mas milisi o kirios yia ta themata tou Aegaou. 🙂

RE: Integrism wins in Turkey

Jeun, I don’t think ALL Turks are warmongers, but the fact that your military wants and claims Greek islands, as well as violates Greek airspace daily shows me that they are. 2 different things people and government (or in your case, military).

http://www.hellas-turkiye2008.com/indexen.asp

RE: Integrism wins in Turkey

Oh son, I didn’t say Turkey ‘would’ pound anyone’s arse. According to the statements coming our of Ankara, it is threatening military action (of some sort) should the EU not accept it (and should it accept Cyprus). Basically, it is doing what I said above. This is not right, ESPECIALLY considering the only nation supporting Turkey getting a date next month is (gasp!) Greece.

Argue with yourself on this all you want….

RE: Integrism wins in Turkey

Touchy touchy. So if anyone else here has a comment about this election result, it’s okay right? As long as the Greeks are quite right? 🙂

What’s with those sad smiley’s on the Turkish military board when this topic came up? Are you military types sad that the Islamists won?

RE: Integrism wins in Turkey

Excuse me, but who the hell is bulls’hitting? As if I’m lying about Turkey “warning” Greece and Cyprus about possible “consequences” in the region if it is not admitted. Instead of saying “we want peace…” Turkey says “if we aren’t allowed it…”. Real focking grown up. That attitude is yet another reason you do not belong in the EU.

RE: Integrism wins in Turkey

>>>And ironically, the only country which sees Turkey as a serious candidate is archrival Greece.<<<

Yes it is ironic. But what do we get for this? Turkey threatens Greece in the Aegean and Cyprus if it is not admitted. “Admit us or we’ll pound you…” seems to be the thinking in Ankara.

Smart blokes…

RE: Integrism wins in Turkey

You’re a retard. You proceed to call us dumb because you guys voted in some Islamists?

>>>well than when somebody wins the election with the majority of the seats and says.. no more skinny dipping, or bikini tanning, then that’s not democracy.. you are yet to learn what ##### we have to go through.. My point is.. don’t stick your nose where it’s not needed.. go play your war games…<<<

What kind of moron are you? Are your people that dumb that they did not/do not know what these Abdullah’s are gonna do? You need to yell at us because your sick Islamists are capable of such things? Sheesh. What’s the damn difference anyways? Either them, or the draconian military. Either or makes no real difference.

You guys have yet to see a real democracy. Good luck in finding one….