My newspaper reports that the long arm of the EU is being inserted into our lavatory bowls. My particular bowl is of fairly recent vintage and the syphon is already equipped to deal with two stage flushing.
The EU are proposing to standardise the amount of water used across the EU to flush the standard EU turd. They are proposing to define and limit the amount of water used in both stages of the two stage flush. The limits aren’t finalised – apparently, but they are intended to be around three liters for the first stage small turd flush and six liters (which seems to me quite generous) for the largest turds.
At this early stage of the proceedings the EU have not defined acceptable sizes of turds to enable inclusion into law. Perhaps Forum members could assist in establishing dimensions ?
There has, to my knowledge, been little reference to that other vital ingredient – urine. Reading between the lines, I think that urine disposal will be dealt with during the first stage three liter flush for processing small turds. If nothing else it adds new meaning to the euphemism: “Taking the ****”.
I’m just wondering if Brussels has too much time on its hands. I apologise to members who have refined tastes.
By: Lincoln 7 - 6th November 2013 at 19:11
Dave. I believe you, thousands wouldn’t…………..And if you believe that………………I’ll ave ‘alf..:highly_amused:
Jim.
Lincoln .7
By: Mr Merry - 6th November 2013 at 18:11
John, it has been known for me to buy a pint or two. Agreed it’s after someone has bought me five in the first place.:very_drunk:
Jim, I will have you know I’m a proper racing snake:)
By: Lincoln 7 - 6th November 2013 at 17:21
John, I recon your pushing your luck, have you seen the size of Mr Merry, he could squeeze YOU into a Coconut…………….:D
Jim.
Lincoln .7
By: John Green - 6th November 2013 at 16:25
Re 26
Mr. Merry,
Dave, you know the difference between a Yorkshireman and a coconut?
You can get a drink out of a coconut !
You must have heard that one !
By: Mr Merry - 5th November 2013 at 20:37
I do appreciate that as a Yorkshire man,you have a reputation to uphold, and as such……………you tight git
Lincoln .7 .
Sorry Jim, I’m tight, no reputation to uphold.
I once tried to teach a Scotsman how to be be tight, he didn’t have a clue!
By: Lincoln 7 - 31st October 2013 at 19:57
Paul, I am damned sure I am NOT going to fish out of the toilet, a turd to examine, to see which criteriar mine fits into, well, I may just have a little peek.
Jim.
Lincoln .7
By: paul178 - 31st October 2013 at 19:50
What kind of flushes are allowed for each of these. Will there be a highly paid department of turds to advise on this?
By: Lincoln 7 - 31st October 2013 at 19:08
The Germans have a shelf in their toilets for the Turds to build up on thus allowing you to examine them before flushing, this was due to their diet having a large amount of uncooked meats and hence worms, though a bad night on the curry could result in the need for an intermediate flush..
Question Tony, How does an Accountant, deal with Constipation???.
Answer, He works it out with a pencil, Bum Bum,…………Ahh Well, please yerself………:highly_amused:
Jim.
Lincoln .7
By: Lincoln 7 - 31st October 2013 at 19:03
Thanks Jim, life is too short not to laugh at somethings, I hope I don’t have to pay club membership fees………I’m a Yorkshireman after all!
I do appreciate that as a Yorkshire man,you have a reputation to uphold, and as such……………you tight git, your excused any fees for life…………..:D
Jim.
Lincoln .7 ……………………..Chairperson of the “Carry on laughing” club of G.B.
By: Derekf - 31st October 2013 at 18:59
Clearly my sense of humour must be rather more refined than laughing at anti-EU lies about toilets.
I don’t think I was the only one that missed the humour content in the original post. It was well-disguised though.
Surprised at the use of the word “cabal” though. Latin origin isn’t it?
By: hampden98 - 31st October 2013 at 18:59
Well the French need a two stage toilet to cope with the cack they normally spout.
Personally I prefer the two stage with after burner.
By: TonyT - 31st October 2013 at 18:16
The Germans have a shelf in their toilets for the Turds to build up on thus allowing you to examine them before flushing, this was due to their diet having a large amount of uncooked meats and hence worms, though a bad night on the curry could result in the need for an intermediate flush..
Perhaps Europe should be peering into German toilets to assess the length of a standard German Turd, no doubt they could use that multi milion pound Euro ruler they produced to measure bent bananas in their quest for the optimum size. We do not need to bother with Examining Italian or Spanish turds, because having been in their public loo ‘s in the past, flushing is a word not in their vocabulary.. We can discount the French too as they are just naturally full of the stuff… Scottish turds will be undersize as they hate to part with anything.. Next comes Belgium… well as hard as I think, nothing memorable comes out of the Country, so one ponders do they produce a memorable turd? Therefore I think we need to stick with the German Turd, although the NSA may be able to provide details on those, thus saving the cost of the survey.
By: TwinOtter23 - 31st October 2013 at 18:13
Coming to a theme park near you http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-20258175 😀
By: Mr Merry - 31st October 2013 at 17:40
Thanks Jim, life is too short not to laugh at somethings, I hope I don’t have to pay club membership fees………I’m a Yorkshireman after all!
By: Lincoln 7 - 31st October 2013 at 17:23
Mr Merry, Consider yourself a fully paid up member of the “I have a sense of humour” Club………………:D
Jim.
Lincoln .7
By: Mr Merry - 31st October 2013 at 16:57
John, great thread, I almost spat my tea over my monitor:eagerness:
By: John Green - 31st October 2013 at 16:44
Re 8
Charlie, thanks for posting that link.
Re 6
From that fount of all journalistic wisdom, truth and accuracy the D. Tel. Wed. 30th inst.
Re 10
Jim, when did the leftie cabal have a sense of humour ? The only time they leap around laughing is when they’re going on strike over some over egged sense of grievance !
By: Lincoln 7 - 31st October 2013 at 16:05
I would have thought Chas it would only affect us, if our water supply were metered, I am not on a meter, due to the fact I have a very large pond, which needs a 50% water change every few months.
Jim.
Lincoln .7
By: charliehunt - 31st October 2013 at 15:56
Putting aside the fact that you have clearly missed the light-hearted tone of the thread, please explain how my use of a long flush instead of a short flush will affect the inhabitants of central Africa lacking potable water? Please note I am not diminishing the problem, with which we are all to familiar, but do not understand its relevance to this thread.
By: Arabella-Cox - 31st October 2013 at 15:45
Ignoring the evident truth that the thread’s premises is totally spurious and another undisguised attempt to scaremonger here are some interesting tidbits on water:
http://newswatch.nationalgeographic.com/2013/06/10/can-we-end-the-global-water-crisis/
http://www.ofwat.gov.uk/consumerissues/conservingwater/supply/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_scarcity
I’m sure that the distance and perhaps nationality of most of those directly affected by the issue will mean that certain commentators here will decide that this issue is not one of their concern thus they can continue their normal selfish standard of behaviour with a clear conscience.
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October 31, 2013 at 11:37 am