You did WHAT ?!

I was senior cadet (Flt Sgt) at the DF we set up and on our first ever enrollment night we had the wing padre.
Imagine if you can we are all stood in the classroom we used at the time, the parents of the enrollees are all gathered at the back of the room and myself and the three other cadets that transferred over with me are stood against the walls.
The padre is giving he spiel about what a great institution the Air Cadet was and I was only slightly listening when I heard him say…
“When I look around this room, I see years of experience to guide these new cadets. How many years do you reckon there are in this room Flight Sargeant?”
Panic! “Erm… Oh God knows…” was my reply and without missing a beat the padre replied as my hand shot to my mouth…
“I’m sure he does”
The room errupted with laughter and I wished the floor would swallow me up….

You should have said “twice as many as there are heads” 😀 😀 😀

I must admit it made me laugh….especially when my brother was telling us how prim and proper she was and couldn’t understand it when we all started roaring 😀 😀 😀 LMAO 😀

Maybe you could enlighten my brothers (very outwardly prim and proper) girlfriend on that…..she’s the worst out of all of us 😀 😀 😀 LOL 😀
🙁 🙁 🙁

Ah …an attribute i love in a Lady

Of course they are,it’s our national dish,though that’s not Mr. Bee’s excuse.It must be a male thing,because as you know,women,especially HM the Queen,NEVER pass wind .

Maybe you could enlighten my brothers (very outwardly prim and proper) girlfriend on that…..she’s the worst out of all of us 😀 😀 😀 LOL 😀

I don’t think I’ve ever had a curry 🙁 🙁 🙁

I once farted in a library whilst trying (in vain) to silence it by sqeezing as much and as tightly as possible…

…The result was the loudest, highest pitch and longest lasting fart I have ever heared in my life!!!!

That’s a reason to be proud, not embarrassed! 😀

Paul

Do you Lads eat too much curry???

Of course they are,it’s our national dish,though that’s not Mr. Bee’s excuse.It must be a male thing,because as you know,women,especially HM the Queen,NEVER pass wind .

Do you Lads eat too much curry???

you can never eat too much curry!!!
:):D

Do you Lads eat too much curry???

No, I just needed to fart really badly 😀 😀 😀

…..it worked too…..it was the worst fart I ever did 😀 😀 😀

LOL!!!!

I did this when I was 11 at school….I was told to take a big pile of books to a classroom full of 5th formers (year 11 now!!!)….they giggled when I walked in…picture the scene, a young chubby Rocko struggling in, heavily laden in books….wearing a jacket of epic teddy boy length proportions…..(Mum said I would grow into it…never did!). Anyhoo, git of a french teacher (Mr Green) nodded towards a tall shelf….as I lifted up the books, up went my jacket tails like a flag being raised up a flagpole…only to be saluted at the top by a loud squeak!! Not a nice man mr Green!!!

No, I just needed to fart really badly 😀 😀 😀

…..it worked too…..it was the worst fart I ever did 😀 😀 😀

I once farted in a library whilst trying (in vain) to silence it by sqeezing as much and as tightly as possible…

…The result was the loudest, highest pitch and longest lasting fart I have ever heared in my life!!!!

And that wasn’t even the most embarrassing moment of my life 😀 😀 😀 LMAO 😀

Oh my goodness…do you have problems with aerophagia?

I once farted in a library whilst trying (in vain) to silence it by sqeezing as much and as tightly as possible…

…The result was the loudest, highest pitch and longest lasting fart I have ever heared in my life!!!!

And that wasn’t even the most embarrassing moment of my life 😀 😀 😀 LMAO 😀

I had recently joined this company and was standing in the queue in the canteen, behind me someone was waffling on and on about something, for some reason I said – without looking round – ‘why don’t you go and join Snow White’ – then turned round to find the small guy from accounts with the full bushy beard and pebble glasses – the ideal candidate! – leaving me trying to say ‘Hello Ian, I did’nt know it was you ………dig hole….dig deeper ……

Cheers Brian.:D

I was senior cadet (Flt Sgt) at the DF we set up and on our first ever enrollment night we had the wing padre.
Imagine if you can we are all stood in the classroom we used at the time, the parents of the enrollees are all gathered at the back of the room and myself and the three other cadets that transferred over with me are stood against the walls.
The padre is giving he spiel about what a great institution the Air Cadet was and I was only slightly listening when I heard him say…
“When I look around this room, I see years of experience to guide these new cadets. How many years do you reckon there are in this room Flight Sargeant?”
Panic! “Erm… Oh God knows…” was my reply and without missing a beat the padre replied as my hand shot to my mouth…
“I’m sure he does”
The room errupted with laughter and I wished the floor would swallow me up….

Are we related ?

I really do like my Mother-in-law…i worship the ground that’s coming to her!!!

Just after the Mrs went shopping the other day the Mother-in-law turned up at the front door ringing the bell…i went down into the wine cellar and pretended nobody was home…nasty eh!!!

Are we related ?

Just after the Mrs went shopping the other day the Mother-in-law turned up at the front door ringing the bell…i went down into the wine cellar and pretended nobody was home…nasty eh!!!

And do you like your Martini shaken and not stirred???

By the pint!

Here’s another one.
For 4.5 years I have had a LCD flat screen on the PC. I got it cheap, no box no instructions.
I assumed that the USB connectors on the side were broken, hence the £15 price.
This week, I found out that a USB-B cable needs to be put into the goddam thing! D’oh!
Done it, sorted. Cable was £4.95…….2 easy access USB ports and 2 more underneath out of sight.

I am a bit accident prone….Many of my stories are a little too embarassing!!!
Anyhoo, when I was 11 I was working in my uncle’s Toy shop in Ventnor on the IOW…..he liked his beer and pipe so when I went there for my hols…..he would go off to the pub…anyway there I was when a yummy mummy came in. She picked up a battery operated toy car which my uncle was giving away free batteries with, and decided to buy it. Ever the boy to impress, I launched into my spiel…..’Well madam, this comes with a free energiser battery….its just as good as Durex…..’ then came a very long pregnant pause followed by her in hysterics…..! That was 32 years ago!!! I can still remember it like yesterday.
In 1991, I was on the ETPS course. We flew up to Ferranti in Edinburgh in the School Andover. On the climb out, I reached for my yellow sponge ear plugs and found only one…so I broke it in half and squeezed each half into my ears….in one ear the compressed sponge went into my inner ear hole expanded and pulled the hwhoe thing into my inner ear where it quickly expanded! Excrutiating…..! No sympathy from the studes as I was rushed to A&E when we landed at Turnhouse!!!!!

:D:D:D

I can just imagine a cat-shaped outline on the fence panels…!

I think that beats my most embarrassing moment!

Back in 1993-ish, myself and a friend had been visiting a well-known model shop in the Midlands, and had been given some rather dodgy advice by one of the assistants, which both of us knew was largely incorrect.

Anyway, a couple of hours later, we were stood at the bar of a local pub, and I was chatting to the barman (another keen modeller).
I had launched into a tirade of abuse directed at the aforementioned assistant, when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that my companion had seemingly developed a twitch.
I looked round at my friend to see what was wrong, and spied the model shop assistant standing behind my friend….

Don

:D:D:D I know that feeling well Don.:D