Aaaarrrgggghhh , supposed to be going out tonight so I’m showering and shaving , I hate nose hair but I lost my clippers , I thought I could singe the blasted things with a cigarette lighter and bloody hell its sore , I held the button down until I could smell gas then sparked it , whomp ! minor nasal conflagration, sh!t it’s painful . all I can smell is burnt hair , ow ow ow ow .
By: Flood - 5th September 2004 at 12:38
And thats what trying to incinerate your nasel hair does to you?
Think I’ll stick to trimming them with my toe-nail clippers!
Flood
By: ageorge - 5th September 2004 at 10:19
This doesn’t hurt . Much .
By: ageorge - 5th September 2004 at 08:57
Does somebody look after you, Al? 🙂
And if not, why?
They can’t stand the pace ( or the stupidity ) :diablo:
By: Flood - 5th September 2004 at 03:52
Maybe he has a certificate from his doctor (or two…);)
Flood
By: dhfan - 5th September 2004 at 01:12
Does somebody look after you, Al? 🙂
And if not, why?
By: Arabella-Cox - 4th September 2004 at 22:13
This man needs a government health warning.
Approach only if you have a death wish, or are similarly insane. 😀
By: ageorge - 4th September 2004 at 12:58
Alistair, you do have a certain thing about explosive and combustive material!
You wait until the next Scottish Forum do , I’ll do my “jamjar bomb in a bucket of napalm ” demonstration , great for clearing out unwanted shrubbery . :dev2:
By: mike currill - 2nd September 2004 at 17:18
My Darwin Awards Training sessions finished 2 years ago they involved 1) a close shave in my lounge with a chainsaw which ran amok – wrecking a wooden floor , the skirting board , the wall and it ended up embedded in a brand new leather sofa 2) Crawled under one of my tractors to short out the starter solenoid , unfortunately it was still in first/low gear and it ran over me ( did this twice in one month ) 3) An amateur attempt at smelting gold in the kitchen resulted in some kitchen units on fire , a large hole in the base of the sinks and burn marks all over the floor.
There are many others – waaay too stupid to tell on here 😉
Are you sure you didin’t start the Darwin awards? To be honest though I have to admit to accidently hitting myself in the leg with a billhook(it hurts) whilst clearing some shrubbery in the garden which had run wild.
By: Flood - 1st September 2004 at 02:32
Whatever.
I cared little for the programme but it was one of the well used standards of all those lousy impressionists that inhabited the TV at that time (and for a while afterwards), and they all had their own variations on the catchphrase.
Flood
By: steve rowell - 1st September 2004 at 01:56
Catch phrase was “Ooo, Betty!” and something like “The cats done a whoopsy on the carpet…”.
Flood
Correction, Betty, the cats done a whoopsy in my beret
By: adwwebber - 31st August 2004 at 22:22
What about using a pick axe to split a step outside my house, and swung it into my leg ? I can tell you it really hurts. But, if you do it properly it doesnt pierce the skin and just leaves a nasty dent and makes you hop around a bit shouting obscenities. ( i have nice nieghbours, they understood!)
But to add further insult i did it again an hour later to the other leg and now have two circular marks half way up my shins !!!
By: ageorge - 31st August 2004 at 22:11
Have I mentioned the time I fired a crossbow bolt in the lounge ?? , bugger went clean through a plasterboard wall and shattered the kitchen window. 😮
Anybody else going to own up to any howlers ??
By: von Perthes - 31st August 2004 at 22:02
Good job it wasn’t a Brazilian
By: Arabella-Cox - 29th August 2004 at 23:37
My Darwin Awards Training sessions finished 2 years ago they involved 1) a close shave in my lounge with a chainsaw which ran amok – wrecking a wooden floor , the skirting board , the wall and it ended up embedded in a brand new leather sofa 2) Crawled under one of my tractors to short out the starter solenoid , unfortunately it was still in first/low gear and it ran over me ( did this twice in one month ) 3) An amateur attempt at smelting gold in the kitchen resulted in some kitchen units on fire , a large hole in the base of the sinks and burn marks all over the floor.
There are many others – waaay too stupid to tell on here 😉
You’re a legend! 😀
By: Flood - 29th August 2004 at 23:23
Burn Baby Burn (Ash!) – seems appropriate, really.
Flood
By: Ren Frew - 29th August 2004 at 13:34
And as you can see from the picture , there isn’t a nasal hair in sight.. 😀
By: Flood - 29th August 2004 at 09:06
Who the f@ck is Frank Spencer ??? 🙂
He was a Michael Crawford invention from the 1970s, sort of like Mr Bean but with stunts. He never succeeded at anything and usually ended up destroying his home/office/workplace/church hall/shop/anywhere else by the end of the program. Catch phrase was “Ooo, Betty!” and something like “The cats done a whoopsy on the carpet…”.
Hilarious was one description, mind-numbingly embarassing was another; and since things always seemed better in memory than when you actually see them again after all these years have passed I would strongly urge you to go with the latter description and forget it!
Flood
By: ageorge - 29th August 2004 at 07:14
Are you related to Frank Spencer
Who the f@ck is Frank Spencer ??? 🙂
By: ageorge - 29th August 2004 at 07:13
you’ve been watching jackass mate? just the sort of think they’d try.
i agree with Steve, a future darwin award candidate if ever i heard one.
best regads
Greg
Jackass is way too lame , watch Dirty Sanchez , thats more my thing . 🙂
By: ageorge - 29th August 2004 at 07:11
Al, you’ve done some wierd sh1t in your time mate, but that’s a CLASSIC!! Well done son, I’m massively impressed. I have to ask though, was this a Darwin Awards training session…? 😉
My Darwin Awards Training sessions finished 2 years ago they involved 1) a close shave in my lounge with a chainsaw which ran amok – wrecking a wooden floor , the skirting board , the wall and it ended up embedded in a brand new leather sofa 2) Crawled under one of my tractors to short out the starter solenoid , unfortunately it was still in first/low gear and it ran over me ( did this twice in one month ) 3) An amateur attempt at smelting gold in the kitchen resulted in some kitchen units on fire , a large hole in the base of the sinks and burn marks all over the floor.
There are many others – waaay too stupid to tell on here 😉
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August 27, 2004 at 6:27 pm