By: Flygirl - 15th January 2010 at 09:49
Tut tut. 😀
By: mike currill - 10th January 2010 at 21:39
Yep it’s a no win situation. Why is it that every woman is as bad? they make the mistake, insist they are right and tell you it’s all your fault.
I’ve worked out that the only thing wrong with women is that they exist.
By: Mr Creosote - 10th January 2010 at 12:45
Over the Christmas break I was tasked with putting up new curtain rails, and (not unnaturally) my two year old son wanted to get involved. Didn’t think this was a good idea, considering ladders, screwdrivers, saws, sharp-edged tape rules etc were involved. My options, apparently, were-
(A) Let him carry on until he gets hurt. Get rollocking.
(B) Let him carry on until I got hurt. That would have been my own fault, but I’d still get a rollocking.
(C) Stop him playing with things and be branded grumpy old git with no time for his son. Get rollocking.
(D) Let him carry on playing with things until we lost a fitting or something, and have to abandon job and buy new ones after the holidays. Get rollocking.
(E) Put off long-standing job again until he was in bed or something. Get rollocking.
By: steve rowell - 10th January 2010 at 02:30
I’ve mislaid my Haynes’ owner’s manual for men,
WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their b*lls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock
WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn)
WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy
WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don’t know…..it never happened)
By: steve rowell - 29th December 2009 at 06:38
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8432887.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6107486.stm
By: old shape - 27th December 2009 at 22:06
A Woman’s philosophy on men… Men are like linoleum floors… You lay them right and you can walk on them for 30 years.
I can see a crack along the edge of the skirts.
By: Arabella-Cox - 27th December 2009 at 09:36
Reminds me of the classic Monty Python Marriage Counsellor sketch………:D
I’m watching “On the Buses” on you tube, the relationship between Arthur and Olive Rudge. Hilarious.
By: Sky High - 27th December 2009 at 09:20
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”
The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”
Reminds me of the classic Monty Python Marriage Counsellor sketch………:D
By: BumbleBee - 27th December 2009 at 09:13
Brilliant !
By: Arabella-Cox - 27th December 2009 at 07:54
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”
The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”
By: Ren Frew - 27th December 2009 at 04:31
A Woman’s philosophy on men… Men are like linoleum floors… You lay them right and you can walk on them for 30 years.
Is that why some women like to wipe the floor with them ? :rolleyes:
By: steve rowell - 27th December 2009 at 03:37
A Woman’s philosophy on men… Men are like linoleum floors… You lay them right and you can walk on them for 30 years.
By: Flygirl - 24th December 2009 at 14:57
Just get yourself one of these . . .
Probably penned by a women:D:D
By: Sky High - 24th December 2009 at 14:33
I’ve mislaid my Haynes’ owner’s manual for men,it must have slipped out of my book of stamps.Anyway IIRC all it said was – Turn up naked / Bring alcohol.
Although that’s not always a good combination………….;)
By: BumbleBee - 24th December 2009 at 13:51
I’ve mislaid my Haynes’ owner’s manual for men,it must have slipped out of my book of stamps.Anyway IIRC all it said was – Turn up naked / Bring alcohol.
By: Sky High - 24th December 2009 at 13:42
My Woman is ten years younger than me,very sexually demanding,an excellent cook who does steak and chips 7 days a week,has her own micro brewery,likes me to go out with my friends and never gripes,picks me up from the pub if I`ve supped too much and wakes me up with a mug of tea and full English at about 11 a.m……………If Carlsberg made women…………………..I Wish !!!!!!!!!!!
You wouldn’t deserve her…….:p
By: hindenburg - 24th December 2009 at 13:19
My Woman is ten years younger than me,very sexually demanding,an excellent cook who does steak and chips 7 days a week,has her own micro brewery,likes me to go out with my friends and never gripes,picks me up from the pub if I`ve supped too much and wakes me up with a mug of tea and full English at about 11 a.m……………If Carlsberg made women…………………..I Wish !!!!!!!!!!!
By: SqL Scramble. - 24th December 2009 at 12:38
Just get yourself one of these . . .
By: mike currill - 24th December 2009 at 11:15
I just reckon men and women will never quite understand each other, Our priorities are just different.
My wife is lovely and I would not change her for the world, But its clear that she sees thinks differently from me.
For example,She will expect me to sort something out as soon as she sees it, Where as I am thinking I need to do that at some point.
I will leave something on a surface somewhere so I know where it is, She will come along and move it to put it somewhere tidy, then will forget where she put it and its then its my fault for leaving it on the surface in the first place.
Also if I am being romantic I must of done something wrong, I choose not to buy her flowers in case she thinks i’m cheating or something, It saves a ear bashing for being innocent LOL.
I’m very familiar with two of those. The putting something down where you know where it is, her moving it and neither of you know where it is and it all being your fault.
The one about romantic gestures is quite common and if you don’t make any out comes the old ‘you never buy me flowers anymore you don’t love me’.
By: mike currill - 24th December 2009 at 11:10
Reading all your comments you`ve obviously gone for the High Maintenance models..there`s only one rule in this house as far as the wife is concerned..no aircraft stuff in the Living or Dining Rooms.At first it was all `War Crap` and `Aerojunk` until I flogged a TR9 radio and replaced her flagging car !!!She changed the water pump on my Landy in the freezing cold the other week too!! she`s a Diamond my Missus !!!
I don’t know where you found her but sounds like you found a good ‘un
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December 20, 2009 at 8:53 am