Number one. Carr was found guilty of something else – she didn’t play a part in killing the girls. Huntley did that, and she didn’t even know. That’s what a fair trial is for.

Now to Shipman. Why did he kill himself? Because, for him, it was the better option. He wasn’t happy. By denying that piece of **** the chance to be happy, it would have been better if he had survived in my book. Just make his life even more awful, and with even less hope. I just hope that Huntley doesn’t get the chance to kill himself – just don’t give him a cushy life in prison. Now, I am all for capital punishment – bring it on I say – and would have liked to watch Huntley and Shipman be executed. But very, very slowly and very, very painfully. Or gratuitously. Take for example the rat placed on the stomach. You heat a bowl up, really really hot, and place it over old rattus Norvegicus. To escape it will chew down through the stomach. Nice, huh?

No Flood. Rip her to shreds is the answer on the cards.

Fair dues to Seaman – they wouldn’t have picked him if he wasn’t our best goalie. So he dropped the ball – it happens. At least he didn’t lash out at a player in full view of the ref and lose the lot for us for a certain CAPTAIN. (One of the tarts. Is his wife a pop tart?)

Mind you, he looks a nob with that hair.

You still asking her? Get a date. Otherwise my fees may rise, like the tide. Remember, if you don’t hurry, it’ll be prawning season again and my OFMC hat will pong a bit at the wedding.

The drawback is you also pay your phone bill. That means a total of £38.50 a month if I want it. Quite honestly, I can buy more than enough porn DVD’s for that money to even consider it of benefit.

It’s all so clear. It’s the same with me. I was convinced I was an orphan for ages. Then, when I want home from holiday, alarm bells rang when I went into the lounge and saw two people there. They were my mum and dad, and suddenly I remembered them.

Bareback sir? Suits you!

Yes, to the tune of a Blondie song.

(bonus point – which song?)

And a bit of a fox.

Rahhh!