Has anybody ever actually seen somebody lighting their own farts ?? , I’ve heard loads of reports but has anybody actually seen it done ???.
Somebody cheer me up , I left the office late tonight and was having a pleasant drive home until a tyre blew on the M8 , now I’m sitting in front of this PC with a big carry-oot ( no lager Jonesy , only Tennant’s Velvet and a bottle of Highland Park ) trying to load up CFS2 so I can try to login to Geedee’s game ( and I can’t get the grime out of my hands – should have phoned the bloody AA )

Originally posted by Jonesy
Save money on soap and shampoo by simply pretending to be a Scouser.

Save money on a Scottish holiday by simply removing the toilet paper from your bathroom, stocking your fridge with cr@p lager and sitting under a cold shower all week. Authentic scottish music can be easily simulated by taking a 9 iron to your pet cat for that total immersion experience.

:rolleyes:

Toilet paper – that’s why we buy the Sun!!! , and you don’t get lager up here , heavy or special only !!! , lager is that Carling stuff , yuk ,
Sorry if you took offence Jonesy I did’nt realise you were a Scouser and it was tongue in cheek ! 🙂 🙂

Many moons ago , practicing power off stalls in a 3 axis Microlight , thought it had recovered ok until I realised the airspeed was ZERO and the Altimeter was unwinding rapidly , no wing drop , buffet or anything , just a vertical drop , I thought it had gone a bit quiet , the engine had oiled the plug whilst ticking over , much panicking in the pod trying to pull start the Rotax with a D handle tangled round my right leg , while pulling the bar into my stomach to get some airflow over the wing . Nice .

Save money on soap and shampoo by simply pretending to be a Scouser.

Beer – makes the wife look great !!!! .

It should be noted that beer can be a highly dangerous substance in the wrong hands .

Handy Hint to all Rangers and Celtic Fans , did you know that those shellsuits you are all so fond of are fireproof ?? , yup , all of us Motherwell fans highly recommend you should wear them whilst trying to light your barbeque using petrol .

Handy Hint 2 – Any youngsters out there who want to get involved in aviation – NO – try Crack Cocaine first , this is much cheaper AND much less harmful than aviation.

Handy hint – Any old stale salted crisps in the house – DON’T throw them out , merely store them in your girlfriends G string for a few days and Voila – Scampi Fries .