Seeing as both my cousins are avid England supporters (one of them has a David Beckham jersey purchased via ebay on the way, as we speak), I shall be rooting for France in that one just to spite them. 😎
I am holding my support for England ransom until the following demands are met:
* The painful deaths of Des Lynam, Gary Linekar, Jonathan Pearce and John Motson. Televised. Press the red button on your handset for more angles and slow-motion replays. Mark Lawrenson to be merely tortured until he loses the ability to speak. Ray Wilkins and Ian Dowie to sit at the foot of Clive Tildsley’s bed and stare at him until he is reduced to simple, factual sentences with no mention of Manchester United or the supposed superiority of the Premiership in comparison to every other league ever.
* Alan Hansen, Andy Gray and Bob Wilson to be wired to an industrial battery and given a shock every time they call England “We” whenever international football is being discussed.
* A National Media Ban on the mention of the names Sven Goran-Eriksson, Michael Owen, Wayne Rooney and David Beckham, except in the reasonable context of a game-in-progress or analysis of said game (pre and post match)
* Any reruns, tributes or nostalgia trips about the events of 1966 must IMMEDIATELY be followed by a full and in-depth analysis of the Scotland victory over the “World Champions” in 1967. Slow motion replays from multiple angles of Jim Baxter sitting on the ball will also be required.
* Gordon Strachan to be instated as the secondary pundit in EVERY England game in order to provide counterbalance.
Then, and ONLY then, will I consider supporting England. I like English people. But watching and listening to the English media is like being repeatedly booted in the balls by an entire team of Marines.
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