snafu“As for best, anyone remember a comedy called Whoops Apocalypse”
No.
You really don’t know what you’re missing.
No, really, you don’t.
snafu, can you keep your threads shorter please, every time you post, I have to de-frag my computer….:dev2:
Glad to provide a regular service.
Well I’ve learnt something from Moggy – Top Gear is a sitcom!!
Well it certainly isn’t a documentary.
Snafu’s alright – it’s a free forum and none of us have to read his lengthy diatribes…..:) ….although I do in secret, Linc!!;)
Eww! Makes me feel so sordid. [imagines Charlie sneaking off to his shed at the bottom of the garden with print offs of my latest posts hidden in a copy of the Daily Mail…shudder]
I order all of you to stop reading my posts immediately!
Their program must influence some,who will go out and purchase a car they have seen, being put through it;s paces.
Yes, the rich ones.
Come on, its an aggressive, laddish cultural cartoon-like figurehead! They have their favourite’s and, of course, you know what they dislike because they go on about it at great length – and you will never see them change their minds because that would bring down society as we know it.[/sarcasm]
Ahh, so you do?, the secret is out.
Omigawd the secret is out – run for the hills Charlie!!! (But take off those heels first. You’ll break your ankles…)
snafuAnd they expect that we will vote for them in the next Election.?
Have you seen this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YR4CseY9pk
Despite the fact that I have regarded the fella as a complete merchant for much of his career, I am strangely compelled to agree with him – who should you vote for when the options are all the same?
I used to believe that all politicians were in it just for the advancement of themselves; these days I suppose there are one or two who have an inkling that there are others out there who would get along a lot better if someone like them spoke up for the downtrodden of society – but that doesn’t involve many. Of course all politicians are human, their hearts are in the right place – must be, otherwise the blood wouldn’t get pumped around…
Of course all politicians talk a good talk, they are trained to and those who can’t but have other redeeming features are hidden from the press when questions are asked. Studying the law is much regarded as a qualification for becoming a politician; being able to stand up and give a speech to a judge must be harder than giving a rousing speech to a hall full of political cronies.
…Miss Clegg…
In what way is it suitable or even acceptable to denigrate women by the assertion that because you do not agree with a particular politician you can reduce him to being a female, and having a ‘hissy fit’? Would you see fit to attack him by changing his race or skin colour? I have no truck with religion, on the whole, but telling everyone that he was an Islamist would be not right either.
Unless you were talking about some other Clegg, of course…?
Explain to me then, why many of them are Barristers who could earn a damned site more than an M.P.,Why are they M.Ps.?, Many are Millionairs also, some are good, but I bet you wouldnt get many doing the job for nothing, look how many are on the books of Companies, who get paid shed loads of money just to have their name on said Companies letterheads.
Career politicians.
Lots have trained as barristers but many have never actually worked in anything approaching a meaningful way. There used to be a lot of business leaders in government, but when you have to take decisions that go against your business-belief it sorted the men from the boys. It used to be that all (male) politicians had some military experience, even if just via national service, but these days they have to be influenced by very senior officers and that influence sometimes comes down to having gone to the same public school, rather than what might be best for the country.
Why are they MPs? Can I be cruel and say that its all they ever wanted to be – look at Ian Duncan Smith or William Hague, both former leaders of the Conservative party but never prime ministers, both without the ability to leave politics after their short leadership careers that they have remained as cabinet members. MPs can claim that they are there to help their fellow man, members of their constituencies, and local business, but usually they are there to help their sponsors, be it local or national businesses or a particular union, and get positive publicity for their party; and if it personally helps them financially (with a nod or a directorship now, or a job when they leave parliament) then that is good too.
I distrust people who want to be, or are, politicians. They claim they work hard (and maybe they do) and the money doesn’t compensate (but how many of us make the same claim?) but look at all the perks! Power corrupts and influences those around them – who on earth would conduct an affair with John Prescott if, rather than being the deputy prime minister, he was the owner of a chip shop in Hull? How many other politicians have had affairs or scandals which have brought shame on themselves and others, both directly (lovers, business partners, etc) and indirectly (family)? The list is endless.
I expect Charlie has given up reading, especially my posts, but please watch that video.
snafuAnd they expect that we will vote for them in the next Election.?
Have you seen this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YR4CseY9pk
Despite the fact that I have regarded the fella as a complete merchant for much of his career, I am strangely compelled to agree with him – who should you vote for when the options are all the same?
I used to believe that all politicians were in it just for the advancement of themselves; these days I suppose there are one or two who have an inkling that there are others out there who would get along a lot better if someone like them spoke up for the downtrodden of society – but that doesn’t involve many. Of course all politicians are human, their hearts are in the right place – must be, otherwise the blood wouldn’t get pumped around…
Of course all politicians talk a good talk, they are trained to and those who can’t but have other redeeming features are hidden from the press when questions are asked. Studying the law is much regarded as a qualification for becoming a politician; being able to stand up and give a speech to a judge must be harder than giving a rousing speech to a hall full of political cronies.
…Miss Clegg…
In what way is it suitable or even acceptable to denigrate women by the assertion that because you do not agree with a particular politician you can reduce him to being a female, and having a ‘hissy fit’? Would you see fit to attack him by changing his race or skin colour? I have no truck with religion, on the whole, but telling everyone that he was an Islamist would be not right either.
Unless you were talking about some other Clegg, of course…?
Explain to me then, why many of them are Barristers who could earn a damned site more than an M.P.,Why are they M.Ps.?, Many are Millionairs also, some are good, but I bet you wouldnt get many doing the job for nothing, look how many are on the books of Companies, who get paid shed loads of money just to have their name on said Companies letterheads.
Career politicians.
Lots have trained as barristers but many have never actually worked in anything approaching a meaningful way. There used to be a lot of business leaders in government, but when you have to take decisions that go against your business-belief it sorted the men from the boys. It used to be that all (male) politicians had some military experience, even if just via national service, but these days they have to be influenced by very senior officers and that influence sometimes comes down to having gone to the same public school, rather than what might be best for the country.
Why are they MPs? Can I be cruel and say that its all they ever wanted to be – look at Ian Duncan Smith or William Hague, both former leaders of the Conservative party but never prime ministers, both without the ability to leave politics after their short leadership careers that they have remained as cabinet members. MPs can claim that they are there to help their fellow man, members of their constituencies, and local business, but usually they are there to help their sponsors, be it local or national businesses or a particular union, and get positive publicity for their party; and if it personally helps them financially (with a nod or a directorship now, or a job when they leave parliament) then that is good too.
I distrust people who want to be, or are, politicians. They claim they work hard (and maybe they do) and the money doesn’t compensate (but how many of us make the same claim?) but look at all the perks! Power corrupts and influences those around them – who on earth would conduct an affair with John Prescott if, rather than being the deputy prime minister, he was the owner of a chip shop in Hull? How many other politicians have had affairs or scandals which have brought shame on themselves and others, both directly (lovers, business partners, etc) and indirectly (family)? The list is endless.
I expect Charlie has given up reading, especially my posts, but please watch that video.
snafuIt’s hard to imagine they could be so benighted that they went to war at sea with biplanes–Sea Gladiators and Stringbags.
Don’t knock the Swordfish – it out lasted its successor and the war itself.
The Gladiator itself was one of the ultimate in biplane fighters, although it saw relatively little action with the FAA. And you should remember that the official first blood for Britain was by a Blackburn Skua ‘fighter’ against a Do18, 26/9/1939 – although this can be countered by the fact that two were lost attacking U30 in the North Sea with both crews becoming PoWs.
Also salty old sea-dogs at the Admiralty generally didn’t hold a lot of truck with this new fangled ‘air power’ fad which would quickly go out of fashion – far better to spend the Navy budget on ships – it’s not as if an aeroplane would ever be able to sink a ship, and anyway the RAF were clearly no gentlemen. (there then follows 10 hours of rambling on about tradition, Nelson etc) 😉
Not sure any of this could be regarded as true – the Royal Navy was at the spearhead in the use of aeroplanes in a war-like fashion and had some of the best allied warplanes in their service (and, like all the rest, quite a few dogs too). The use of aircraft in war was investigated, encouraged even, and it was an offshoot of naval aviation that brought about armoured cars and the evolution of the tank. Naval aircraft were developed to bring down attacking Zeppelins, flying from towed barges or from miniature decks balanced on gun barrels on forward turrets. Flying boats and seaplanes were developed for patrolling hundreds of miles of ocean and spotting for the guns of battleships, as well as being used in the first torpedo attack by an aeroplane (albeit from one floating rather than flying).
The first heavy bombers were designed for the RNAS, and subsequently taken over by the RAF in April 1918. And that’s the point: in April 1918 the cream of the RNAS was taken over and absorbed into what was effectively a land-based service. Some of the innovators stayed in the Royal Navy, and some served aboard in RAF service. Interwar, the Royal Navy did take on board the idea that aviation was a threat to a ship and aircraft carriers were designed and built.
Between the two wars there was little advance in naval aviation since it was not in the interests of the RAF, with (as mentioned elsewhere here) similar types used both on land and at sea. Unfortunately there would be a running down in naval personnel with experience in what was required from maritime aircraft so the requirements put out would involve the need for two man crews in fighters, for example, which became the Blackburn Skua and the Fairey Fulmar. This inexperience would be compounded by that gained in the early and mid war resulting in designs like the Barracuda and Firebrand.
snafuMaybe, then, an ‘untruth’?
My trust is shattered. I am disillusioned. I may not post here again until I regain my trust in humanity.
snafuMaybe, then, an ‘untruth’?
My trust is shattered. I am disillusioned. I may not post here again until I regain my trust in humanity.
snafuNot Bless Thy Neighbour, then?
As for best, anyone remember a comedy called Whoops Apocalypse? Not the dire film (it really was dire) but the absolutely hysterical undire comedy that was on Channel 4 in 1982.
The series details the weeks leading up to the Apocalypse. It features a chaotic and increasingly unstable global political situation in which nuclear alerts are accidentally triggered by malfunctioning Space Invaders machines. The naive and highly unpopular Republican U.S. President Johnny Cyclops (an obvious Ronald Reagan parody, played by Barry Morse) is advised by an insane right-wing fundamentalist security advisor, called The Deacon, who claims to have a direct hotline to God. (The Deacon was so named because of the previous role of the actor who played him (John Barron) as a Cathedral Dean in the sitcom All Gas and Gaiters; the writers claimed not to know at the time that Alexander Haig, Reagan’s first Secretary of State, was known as The Vicar in the White House.)
In the Eastern Hemisphere, things are similarly unstable. Soviet Premier Dubienkin (Richard Griffiths) is in fact a series of clones, which keep dying and being replaced. Meanwhile the deposed Shah of Iran, Shah Massiq Rassim (Bruce Montague), led by his advisor Abdab (David Kelly) who is always blindfolded to avoid looking upon the Shah’s magnificence, is shunted around the world in search of a refuge (spending most of the series in a cross channel ferry’s toilet).
The main danger is the Deacon’s development of a new super-powerful American nuclear weapon. This is originally called the Johnny Cyclops Bomb; later, when the President vetoes the name, it is renamed the Quark Bomb (Formerly Known As The Johnny Cyclops Bomb After The President Of The Same Name). The Deacon arranges for Lacrobat (John Cleese), a disguised international arms smuggler nicknamed The Devil (a parody of Carlos the Jackal), to steal a Quark Bomb and take it to Iran, to help the Shah in his counterrevolution. The Soviets get word of this (via Rassim’s parrot) and decide to invade, gaining control over the world’s oil supply.
The Soviets have a new ally in British Prime Minister Kevin Pork (Peter Jones), a parody of former Labour Home Secretary Roy Jenkins. Pork, who has gone insane and believes himself to be Superman, heads an especially left-wing government (a parody of Jenkin’s Social Democratic Party). The British Foreign Secretary is blackmailed by the Soviets to join the Warsaw Pact. This situation so unnerves the foreign secretary (Geoffrey Palmer) and the Chancellor of the Exchequer (Richard Davies) that they also lose their sanity, don Green Lantern and Hawkman costumes, and are locked up in a padded cell at 10 Downing St.
The Soviets are also holding two elderly American tourists named Jonathan and Martha Hopper captive. They are constantly tortured by Commissar Alex Solzhenitsyn (“no relation”, played by Alexei Sayle) in the belief they are secretly CIA spies. This turns out to be true, but the Hoppers are crushed by a helicopter in a bungled CIA rescue operation. This does not help Cyclops’s nosediving popularity rating, which is just below that of Charles Manson. The Deacon stages an assassination attempt in order to help Cyclops’ flagging popularity (a reference to the Reagan assassination attempt the year before). It is damaged further when the speeding ambulance carrying Cyclops to the hospital accidentally runs over his highly popular main opponent, Democrat Senator Jimmy Hennessy (a parody of Senator Teddy Kennedy). By the end of the series we’re told Cyclops is now less popular than the Boston Strangler. (These developments are followed by a dramatic newsreader named Jay Garrick, and his topless female counterpart across the Atlantic.)
Eventually the Quark Bomb is accidentally detonated in Israel when Lacrobat’s attempt to prevent it being incinerated goes horribly wrong, destroying the country and killing most of the US army who were stationed there. Meanwhile the Shah, who has temporarily been given sanctuary aboard a space shuttle, manages to crash it into the Moscow Kremlin. Believing it to be a bomb, the Russians launch their weapons at America. In the final scene Soviet missiles are on their way to obliterate the United States and President Cyclops has to decide whether to retaliate. The title sequence already showed the aftermath of the decision, Earth reduced to a nuclear wasteland. In a final twist, we discover that the woman we see in the title sequence selling buttons reading “WEAR YOUR MUSHROOM WITH PRIDE” is in fact the First Lady, who was hidden in a fallout shelter and is one of the few survivors of the war.
Quotes:
The Deacon: If the Lord had meant us not to panic, he wouldn’t have given us clean trousers!
President Johnny Cyclops: I don’t like the sounds of this.
The Deacon: Sir, if the Lord had meant us to like everything we heard, he wouldn’t have given us commercial radio.Jay Garrick: Today General E.F. “Gizzard” Pemberley died when a bomb exploded under his bed. Two eighteen-year-old marines also died.
Jay Garrick: The mystery of the missing Quark Bomb has been solved. It was seen going off twenty minutes ago in what used to be Israel.
The Deacon: If the Lord had meant us to rely on geriatrics; he wouldn’t have given us the supreme court.
Premier Dubienkin: All these rumours of a food shortage are nonsense. I mean, the fact I have a dead dog in my fridge doesn’t mean anything. Why shouldn’t I have a dead dog in my fridge if I wish?
American ambassador: Yeah, it’s a free country.
[pause]
American ambassador: Sorry.Nurse: The president shouldn’t be disturbed.
The Deacon: Well, this one is.Jay Garrick: I’m Jay Garrick, but for how much longer?
Commisar Solzhenitsyn: You think you’re so tough?
Jed Grodd: Tougher than you can handle, Russkie.
Commisar Solzhenitsyn: We shall see.
[pause]
Commisar Solzhenitsyn: Boris, help, my back’s gone again.Jed Grodd: We’re gonna crash!
Helicopter pilot: Sorry, sir, I was just following government policy.
Jed Grodd: What are you talking about?
Helicopter pilot: Fuel conservation. I only filled the tank half-way up!The Deacon: If the Lord had meant us to be sensible, he wouldn’t have given us credit cards.
Jay Garrick: It’s the 3am News. I’m Jay Garrick and you’re an insomniac.
Chancellor of the Exchecquer: The Prime Minister thinks he’s Superman! We can’t keep this up, I mean look at this note, “Can’t make Question Time, Brainiac’s escaped from the phantom zone”!
[on tape we see Lacrobat disguised as a Swedish man holding an Abba album]
Lacrobat: Good day, my name’s Olaf Jokkmokk and I am Swedish. Oh dear, I’ve dropped the keys to my volvo! I represent a firm of dentists, and I first came into contact with Lacrobat last year, to inquire about an estimate for the liquidation of John McEnroe. Since then, he has wiped out five entire chains of rival dentists. That is why I always vouch for Lacrobat.Jay Garrick: A man carrying a banner saying “The world ends tomorrow” was arrested for leaking information.
Premier Dubienkin: Russia is a great country. Many people like living in Russia. Read this
[he hands over a piece of paper]
American ambassador: “I like living in Russia.” So I see …
Premier Dubienkin: Here is a written account by two witnesses…
American ambassador: Right. Anyway …
Premier Dubienkin: And more then ten people can testify that it wasn’t written at gun point.[Pork enters wearing a superman cape and carrying a dog]
Kevin Pork: I’m feeling under the weather.
[he walks to the window]
Kevin Pork: Come on Krypto, it’s time for your flight round the block.
[he throws the dog out the window]
Kevin Pork: You know, I feel better already.Premier Dubienkin: Neutral countries have two options – medium or well done.
Kevin Pork: I think I’ve been over-doing things. But I had a talk with the doctor and he gave me some pills to take.
Chancellor of the Exchecquer: It’ll be for the best, Kev. I’m sure it will.
Foreign Secretary: Which doctor is this then Kev?
Kevin Pork: Doctor Destiny of Earth two. Sure; you know him. He helped me to save Lois Lane from the giant star fish of Atlantis.Ahdab: Is that you, crown jewel of the universe?
[repeated line]
Newseader: Police raid a cafe in Brixton.[Lacrobat promotes himself]
Lacrobat: Governments toppled, plants installed, or for that very special assassination; why not use Lacrobat?[Lacrobat promotes himself]
Lacrobat: Lacrobat, also known as the devil. He’s called the man of a thousand faces, and I personally recommend number six hundred and four.[Lacrobat is stopped by Motorcycle cop with the Quark Bomb disguised as a giant penis on the roof of his car]
Lacrobat: Oh, no sir, this isn’t pornography.
Motorcycle cop: It sure ain’t a tootsy roll![Cyclops has been shot]
President Johnny Cyclops: Oh, God. I have sinned. I have sinned!
The Deacon: Hush. He may hear you.The Deacon: Everything went well, sir, the lobotomy wasn’t necessary.
President Johnny Cyclops: Well, I should think not. Anyone who tries to give me a lobotomy will get a piece of my mind!Commisar Solzhenitsyn: If you do not tell us the details of your mission, you can wave goodbye to both your hands.
Politburo Member: How can he wave goodbye if you cut them off?President Johnny Cyclops: Hell, Shah Rassim, this is president Johnny Cyclops. You may have noticed I am communicating with you by means of a parrot. This is because what I am about to tell you is of a highly confidential and secretive – are you sure he’s getting all this, Deacon? The Quark Bomb has not been stolen by a terrorist. We stole it, and gave it to a terrorist; it’s being smuggled to help you regain your rightful perch- throne! And we hope to get you off of that ferry very soon.
The Deacon: And the rest, Mr. President?
President Johnny Cyclops: P.S. Would you please, eat me?[Lacrobat has the Quark bomb in a casket]
Lacrobat: [in fake French accent] Open that box, and be damned for all eternity!
Greek official: I’m sorry, but I have to search it, Mr …
Lacrobat: Floyjoy. Montgomery Hindenberg Floyjoy, undertaker for the stars. Mr. Bob Hope has my on a retail. My card.
Greek official: [reads] All the world’s a grave, and all the men and women merely stiffs.
Is this interesting? | Share this
Greek official: So, you say you bury celebrities?
Lacrobat: Oui.
Greek official: Then why’s this casket so large?
[pause]
Lacrobat: It was a double act.President Johnny Cyclops: You had me shot just to get public sympathy?
The Deacon: Sir, this will blow your popularity through the roof. Henesy and his Democrat rats won’t know what hit them.
[cut to a news broadcast]
Jay Garrick: Waves of letters of sympathy have been set after one of the most shocking and horrific acts in recent memory. Presidential candidate Jimmy Hennessy was run over by a speeding ambulance outside his home and had both his legs crushed. The ambulance contained President Johnny Cyclops, who was said to have only received flesh wounds after being shot at a TV taping this afternoon.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083502/trivia?tab=qt&ref_=tt_trv_qu
Still, it was difficult to get on video, even more so on DVD and I can’t find it on YouTube, so you’ll just have to take my word for it.
snafuNot Bless Thy Neighbour, then?
As for best, anyone remember a comedy called Whoops Apocalypse? Not the dire film (it really was dire) but the absolutely hysterical undire comedy that was on Channel 4 in 1982.
The series details the weeks leading up to the Apocalypse. It features a chaotic and increasingly unstable global political situation in which nuclear alerts are accidentally triggered by malfunctioning Space Invaders machines. The naive and highly unpopular Republican U.S. President Johnny Cyclops (an obvious Ronald Reagan parody, played by Barry Morse) is advised by an insane right-wing fundamentalist security advisor, called The Deacon, who claims to have a direct hotline to God. (The Deacon was so named because of the previous role of the actor who played him (John Barron) as a Cathedral Dean in the sitcom All Gas and Gaiters; the writers claimed not to know at the time that Alexander Haig, Reagan’s first Secretary of State, was known as The Vicar in the White House.)
In the Eastern Hemisphere, things are similarly unstable. Soviet Premier Dubienkin (Richard Griffiths) is in fact a series of clones, which keep dying and being replaced. Meanwhile the deposed Shah of Iran, Shah Massiq Rassim (Bruce Montague), led by his advisor Abdab (David Kelly) who is always blindfolded to avoid looking upon the Shah’s magnificence, is shunted around the world in search of a refuge (spending most of the series in a cross channel ferry’s toilet).
The main danger is the Deacon’s development of a new super-powerful American nuclear weapon. This is originally called the Johnny Cyclops Bomb; later, when the President vetoes the name, it is renamed the Quark Bomb (Formerly Known As The Johnny Cyclops Bomb After The President Of The Same Name). The Deacon arranges for Lacrobat (John Cleese), a disguised international arms smuggler nicknamed The Devil (a parody of Carlos the Jackal), to steal a Quark Bomb and take it to Iran, to help the Shah in his counterrevolution. The Soviets get word of this (via Rassim’s parrot) and decide to invade, gaining control over the world’s oil supply.
The Soviets have a new ally in British Prime Minister Kevin Pork (Peter Jones), a parody of former Labour Home Secretary Roy Jenkins. Pork, who has gone insane and believes himself to be Superman, heads an especially left-wing government (a parody of Jenkin’s Social Democratic Party). The British Foreign Secretary is blackmailed by the Soviets to join the Warsaw Pact. This situation so unnerves the foreign secretary (Geoffrey Palmer) and the Chancellor of the Exchequer (Richard Davies) that they also lose their sanity, don Green Lantern and Hawkman costumes, and are locked up in a padded cell at 10 Downing St.
The Soviets are also holding two elderly American tourists named Jonathan and Martha Hopper captive. They are constantly tortured by Commissar Alex Solzhenitsyn (“no relation”, played by Alexei Sayle) in the belief they are secretly CIA spies. This turns out to be true, but the Hoppers are crushed by a helicopter in a bungled CIA rescue operation. This does not help Cyclops’s nosediving popularity rating, which is just below that of Charles Manson. The Deacon stages an assassination attempt in order to help Cyclops’ flagging popularity (a reference to the Reagan assassination attempt the year before). It is damaged further when the speeding ambulance carrying Cyclops to the hospital accidentally runs over his highly popular main opponent, Democrat Senator Jimmy Hennessy (a parody of Senator Teddy Kennedy). By the end of the series we’re told Cyclops is now less popular than the Boston Strangler. (These developments are followed by a dramatic newsreader named Jay Garrick, and his topless female counterpart across the Atlantic.)
Eventually the Quark Bomb is accidentally detonated in Israel when Lacrobat’s attempt to prevent it being incinerated goes horribly wrong, destroying the country and killing most of the US army who were stationed there. Meanwhile the Shah, who has temporarily been given sanctuary aboard a space shuttle, manages to crash it into the Moscow Kremlin. Believing it to be a bomb, the Russians launch their weapons at America. In the final scene Soviet missiles are on their way to obliterate the United States and President Cyclops has to decide whether to retaliate. The title sequence already showed the aftermath of the decision, Earth reduced to a nuclear wasteland. In a final twist, we discover that the woman we see in the title sequence selling buttons reading “WEAR YOUR MUSHROOM WITH PRIDE” is in fact the First Lady, who was hidden in a fallout shelter and is one of the few survivors of the war.
Quotes:
The Deacon: If the Lord had meant us not to panic, he wouldn’t have given us clean trousers!
President Johnny Cyclops: I don’t like the sounds of this.
The Deacon: Sir, if the Lord had meant us to like everything we heard, he wouldn’t have given us commercial radio.Jay Garrick: Today General E.F. “Gizzard” Pemberley died when a bomb exploded under his bed. Two eighteen-year-old marines also died.
Jay Garrick: The mystery of the missing Quark Bomb has been solved. It was seen going off twenty minutes ago in what used to be Israel.
The Deacon: If the Lord had meant us to rely on geriatrics; he wouldn’t have given us the supreme court.
Premier Dubienkin: All these rumours of a food shortage are nonsense. I mean, the fact I have a dead dog in my fridge doesn’t mean anything. Why shouldn’t I have a dead dog in my fridge if I wish?
American ambassador: Yeah, it’s a free country.
[pause]
American ambassador: Sorry.Nurse: The president shouldn’t be disturbed.
The Deacon: Well, this one is.Jay Garrick: I’m Jay Garrick, but for how much longer?
Commisar Solzhenitsyn: You think you’re so tough?
Jed Grodd: Tougher than you can handle, Russkie.
Commisar Solzhenitsyn: We shall see.
[pause]
Commisar Solzhenitsyn: Boris, help, my back’s gone again.Jed Grodd: We’re gonna crash!
Helicopter pilot: Sorry, sir, I was just following government policy.
Jed Grodd: What are you talking about?
Helicopter pilot: Fuel conservation. I only filled the tank half-way up!The Deacon: If the Lord had meant us to be sensible, he wouldn’t have given us credit cards.
Jay Garrick: It’s the 3am News. I’m Jay Garrick and you’re an insomniac.
Chancellor of the Exchecquer: The Prime Minister thinks he’s Superman! We can’t keep this up, I mean look at this note, “Can’t make Question Time, Brainiac’s escaped from the phantom zone”!
[on tape we see Lacrobat disguised as a Swedish man holding an Abba album]
Lacrobat: Good day, my name’s Olaf Jokkmokk and I am Swedish. Oh dear, I’ve dropped the keys to my volvo! I represent a firm of dentists, and I first came into contact with Lacrobat last year, to inquire about an estimate for the liquidation of John McEnroe. Since then, he has wiped out five entire chains of rival dentists. That is why I always vouch for Lacrobat.Jay Garrick: A man carrying a banner saying “The world ends tomorrow” was arrested for leaking information.
Premier Dubienkin: Russia is a great country. Many people like living in Russia. Read this
[he hands over a piece of paper]
American ambassador: “I like living in Russia.” So I see …
Premier Dubienkin: Here is a written account by two witnesses…
American ambassador: Right. Anyway …
Premier Dubienkin: And more then ten people can testify that it wasn’t written at gun point.[Pork enters wearing a superman cape and carrying a dog]
Kevin Pork: I’m feeling under the weather.
[he walks to the window]
Kevin Pork: Come on Krypto, it’s time for your flight round the block.
[he throws the dog out the window]
Kevin Pork: You know, I feel better already.Premier Dubienkin: Neutral countries have two options – medium or well done.
Kevin Pork: I think I’ve been over-doing things. But I had a talk with the doctor and he gave me some pills to take.
Chancellor of the Exchecquer: It’ll be for the best, Kev. I’m sure it will.
Foreign Secretary: Which doctor is this then Kev?
Kevin Pork: Doctor Destiny of Earth two. Sure; you know him. He helped me to save Lois Lane from the giant star fish of Atlantis.Ahdab: Is that you, crown jewel of the universe?
[repeated line]
Newseader: Police raid a cafe in Brixton.[Lacrobat promotes himself]
Lacrobat: Governments toppled, plants installed, or for that very special assassination; why not use Lacrobat?[Lacrobat promotes himself]
Lacrobat: Lacrobat, also known as the devil. He’s called the man of a thousand faces, and I personally recommend number six hundred and four.[Lacrobat is stopped by Motorcycle cop with the Quark Bomb disguised as a giant penis on the roof of his car]
Lacrobat: Oh, no sir, this isn’t pornography.
Motorcycle cop: It sure ain’t a tootsy roll![Cyclops has been shot]
President Johnny Cyclops: Oh, God. I have sinned. I have sinned!
The Deacon: Hush. He may hear you.The Deacon: Everything went well, sir, the lobotomy wasn’t necessary.
President Johnny Cyclops: Well, I should think not. Anyone who tries to give me a lobotomy will get a piece of my mind!Commisar Solzhenitsyn: If you do not tell us the details of your mission, you can wave goodbye to both your hands.
Politburo Member: How can he wave goodbye if you cut them off?President Johnny Cyclops: Hell, Shah Rassim, this is president Johnny Cyclops. You may have noticed I am communicating with you by means of a parrot. This is because what I am about to tell you is of a highly confidential and secretive – are you sure he’s getting all this, Deacon? The Quark Bomb has not been stolen by a terrorist. We stole it, and gave it to a terrorist; it’s being smuggled to help you regain your rightful perch- throne! And we hope to get you off of that ferry very soon.
The Deacon: And the rest, Mr. President?
President Johnny Cyclops: P.S. Would you please, eat me?[Lacrobat has the Quark bomb in a casket]
Lacrobat: [in fake French accent] Open that box, and be damned for all eternity!
Greek official: I’m sorry, but I have to search it, Mr …
Lacrobat: Floyjoy. Montgomery Hindenberg Floyjoy, undertaker for the stars. Mr. Bob Hope has my on a retail. My card.
Greek official: [reads] All the world’s a grave, and all the men and women merely stiffs.
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Greek official: So, you say you bury celebrities?
Lacrobat: Oui.
Greek official: Then why’s this casket so large?
[pause]
Lacrobat: It was a double act.President Johnny Cyclops: You had me shot just to get public sympathy?
The Deacon: Sir, this will blow your popularity through the roof. Henesy and his Democrat rats won’t know what hit them.
[cut to a news broadcast]
Jay Garrick: Waves of letters of sympathy have been set after one of the most shocking and horrific acts in recent memory. Presidential candidate Jimmy Hennessy was run over by a speeding ambulance outside his home and had both his legs crushed. The ambulance contained President Johnny Cyclops, who was said to have only received flesh wounds after being shot at a TV taping this afternoon.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083502/trivia?tab=qt&ref_=tt_trv_qu
Still, it was difficult to get on video, even more so on DVD and I can’t find it on YouTube, so you’ll just have to take my word for it.
snafuUnbelievable (in France).
Unbelievable anywhere, but not exactly unique.
snafuUnbelievable (in France).
Unbelievable anywhere, but not exactly unique.
snafuDunno if that would stand up in court though…;o)
snafu…the field?
You know how to break hearts, don’t you. (-Sniff-)
snafu…the field?
You know how to break hearts, don’t you. (-Sniff-)
snafuRequire a second opinion on that, please.
snafuRequire a second opinion on that, please.
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