Joke

My wife said to me: “I’m leaving you”.

I said: ” Why?”

She said: ” Because you don’t take me seriously”

I just laughed.

More truth in that John than you realise !

Jim.
Lincoln .7

Women, you can’t live with them, and you can’t live,………… hang on a minute, “I CAN”.
Jim.
Lincoln .7

Tommy and Mary have been together for 56 years, they have 4 sons, 3 successful healthy fit men who have done well are now married with family of their own, the youngest was always a smaller, sickly child and still lives at home, but time has caught up with Tommy and his end is near, Tommy says, we have had a good life Mary, just one little thing has always bothered me, tell me before I go, is our youngest my son?, Mary says yes Tommy he is your son, with that Tommy whispers his thanks and slips away.

The priest has been stood by during this and says to Mary, now Mary you wouldn’t have lied to a dying man would you?, Mary answers, certainly not Father, just glad he didn’t ask about the other 3.

The longest sentence in the English Language…………………..

I do.

An Aussie called by the unlikely name of Bruce bounced into his local and with a big grin on his face said to his mates:

“Drinks are on me”

One of them asked what was the occasion. Bruce said that after trying for umpteen years his wife back in Oz had just given birth to their first child a boy weighing in at 25lbs

“Jeez Bruce – 25lb? That’s a bit extreme ! ” A female customer listening nearby, fainted and fell on the floor.

Bruce said: “Well that’s Oz for you, everything oversized and extreme”.

Three weeks went by and then in came Bruce to his local. One of his mates asked how the new arrival was doing. Bruce said: “Very well. Keeping them all awake and he now weighs 17lb”

His mate said: “Hang on, the baby weighed 25lb at birth and now three weeks later weighs 17lb, something’s wrong !”

“No mate, everythings ok”, said Bruce. “He’s just left hospital after being circumcised”.

My wife said to me: “I’m leaving you”.

I said: ” Why?”

She said: ” Because you don’t take me seriously”

I just laughed.

maan456

I do like those – rich in cynicism.

Meddle – we’ve found someone to your liking – a humourist.

Moderator Message

That will do, gentlemen.

Thanks

GA

Gary Glitter and his girlfriend are in Blockbuster to hire a video
for the evening. Mr. Glitter’s girlfriend asks him what he wants to watch.
he says
“How about we get Aladdin ?”. His girlfriend says……..
“Can’t we just get a video, you’re in enough trouble already.”

Jokes aside how do they monitor this mans actions or is he free to pray again when the dust settles.

funny joke just might be a bit to early for glitter jokes

Doesn’t that depend on how old your daughter is, she could be 40 as far as we know and tear the piece of filth to pieces, forget the Glitter jokes, the sick perverted scumbag isn’t worth even thinking about, it’s not very funny, ok. We can all delve into our depths and find sick jokes about anything, but dredging up Paul Gadd is not a good idea, the pervert is still freewheeling around the world trying to find his next port of call in order to force his ugly old bloated body on his next victim, lets just hope he dies very painfully at the hands of a family member whom he has raped and mistreated, a bit of ignited petrol around the testicles would do nicely, I’d do it myself.
Sick jokes are all very well, but not when the miscreant is at large and capable of carrying out further acts of degeneration, he deserves to die in agony, hung, drawing and quartering spring to mind, he deserves it.
His music was **** anyway.

Please dont hold back say what you mean !!

tend to agree with Pete on this one apart from the music which i quite liked.

Doesn’t that depend on how old your daughter is, she could be 40 as far as we know and tear the piece of filth to pieces, forget the Glitter jokes, the sick perverted scumbag isn’t worth even thinking about, it’s not very funny, ok. We can all delve into our depths and find sick jokes about anything, but dredging up Paul Gadd is not a good idea, the pervert is still freewheeling around the world trying to find his next port of call in order to force his ugly old bloated body on his next victim, lets just hope he dies very painfully at the hands of a family member whom he has raped and mistreated, a bit of ignited petrol around the testicles would do nicely, I’d do it myself.
Sick jokes are all very well, but not when the miscreant is at large and capable of carrying out further acts of degeneration, he deserves to die in agony, hung, drawing and quartering spring to mind, he deserves it.
His music was **** anyway.

Can’t agree with ya on TWO points, Pete

1, “his ugly old bloated body”… whilst Channel skipping, just chanced across this Geezer who looked like ‘Catweasel’ being followed by news-media….

Ugly & old, maybe, but bloated ??????????

I figured (in that quick news-flash) that the nonce looked skinny ?

2, “his music was ****e anyway”….. matter of opinion, that

As it happens, I REALLY liked “Didn’t Know I Loved Ya Till I Saw You Rock n’ Roll”.…… (plus) “Rock n’ Roll” (to a lesser degree)

Also, I guess without him, I wouldn’t have heard & enjoyed the ‘Glitter-Band’, whom I preferred, anyhow & were my “stepping-stone” into mainstream Rock-music, as well as Prog’-Rock 😀

Obviously, I’m NOT allowing the scandal to cloud my judgement on the music alone, ya understand….?

I’m basically in agreement with the rest of what you’d said

Doesn’t that depend on how old your daughter is, she could be 40 as far as we know and tear the piece of filth to pieces, forget the Glitter jokes, the sick perverted scumbag isn’t worth even thinking about, it’s not very funny, ok. We can all delve into our depths and find sick jokes about anything, but dredging up Paul Gadd is not a good idea, the pervert is still freewheeling around the world trying to find his next port of call in order to force his ugly old bloated body on his next victim, lets just hope he dies very painfully at the hands of a family member whom he has raped and mistreated, a bit of ignited petrol around the testicles would do nicely, I’d do it myself.
Sick jokes are all very well, but not when the miscreant is at large and capable of carrying out further acts of degeneration, he deserves to die in agony, hung, drawing and quartering spring to mind, he deserves it.
His music was **** anyway.

WHATS 18″ LONG, SILVER AND YOU DONT WANT TO FIND UNDER YOUR DAUGHTERS BED?

GARY GLITTERS BOOTS ::p

Sorry, but I don’t quite get it?:o

[QUOTE=Airline owner]I think its good!![/QUOTE It’s also about 10 years old but who cares it’s still a good one 🙂

an ASS before another ASS holding I and NATION behind…!!!Sardar G teaching his studentz spelling of ASSASSINATION!!!

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”. The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”

A dentist is chatting up a beautiful women and after a few too many admits he is still a virgin. The women decides there and then that this is the man for her, time passes and they marry. On the honeymoon night they are in bed but all is not well. The women is getting more and more frustrated as hubby has made no attempt to make love. Finally she asks what is wrong, he replies “well my mother always told me that there were a set of teeth down there that would rip me to shreds if I went near them” The women looks totally gobsmacked at this and slowly opens her legs and pushes his head between them. ‘look’ she says ‘ there are no teeth down there’ ‘not surprised really’ says hubby ‘ have you seen the state of these gums’

A bloke is in a queue at the Super Market when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from, so he says “sorry do you know me?”

She replies “I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!”

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful,

“Christ!” he says “are you that stripogram on my stag night that I had on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?”

“No” she replies, “I’m your sons’ English Teacher”

That is way too freakin’ hilarious 😀 I’ve just shared it with the office and it got a whole mess of laughs!

Done. 🙂