University of Ohio now sending its students on field trips to Iraq is it Randy??? 😉

Hey, I never said they were new!!! 😀

Besides some things improve with age least thats what I tell the wife 😀

Adonis you are deliberately not getting this are you. The grief of those service families who have lost loved ones is not going to be lessened or increased one whit by what is said on this forum or by the use of humour, even the kind of dark humour prevalent in the service, by the lads in the field.

As to the posts veracity, personally, I’d thank Ivan for firing it up. In dark days a bit of levity is an absolute bonus I’d think someone professing a military background would understand that all too well.

Anyway, the real point for this post was a couple of jokes I just got through!:

————————–

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger says “I’m Shaquille O’Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died”

So he takes the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says “I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York & America’s potential future President”

She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says ” I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. Apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die”

So he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy “I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute”.

The boy replies “No problem, there is another parachute left for you. America’s most intelligent President took my schoolbag by mistake…!!!”

———————————–

To balance that out (avert eyes time again for Snowman and Hand!).

———————————–

Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an Orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

“Oh, my,” said the bunny, “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been blind since birth, so, I can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.”

“It’s quite OK,” replied the snake. “Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my parents. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you’ll have that going for you.”

“Oh, that would be wonderful” replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, “Well, you’re covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that you must be a bunny rabbit.”

“Oh, thank you! Thank you,” cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, “Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you’ve helped me.”

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, “Well, you’re smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls…………….I’d say you must be French”.

——————————————

Never let it be said I’m not even handed! 😉

Adonis you use humour to balance the thoughts that you might end up like the men you listed.

Once you have taken casualties you mourn them, you avenge them, you honour them and you remember them when the time is appropriate. You dont let their loss undermine your will to fight or push you into rash acts to be regretted later.

Humour, dark and inappropriate as it may be, IS one of the ways that you can release pressure under intense situations. Its no comparison but I can clearly remember doing the assault course at Raleigh in Basic and suffering badly, same as a lot of my oppos, we’re trying to get over the 8ft wall and doing badly when one of the lads pipes up with the military standard “ah sh1t, can’t take a joke – shouldnt have joined” line and after the chuckling died off we all cracked on feeling a lot better.

Humour is vital and nothing written here does disrespect to any of the forces deployed.

Damn difficult situation now, and a good question to pose Keltic.

Problem is that time only works for us if we can absolutely cease any non mission-critical air attacks that could threaten any Iraqi civillian deaths. Otherwise the law of statistics says that one of our PGM’s is going to go dense on us and genuinely flatten a Baghdad market and cause a PR crisis that unravels any hope that we could stabilise the country post-Saddam.

As I see it, apart from the fact that the Turks tied one of our hands behind our backs not letting 4ID through (flexible OpPlan my trailing-end – the hole in the strategic situation is glaring) the land forces are doing well. They need time and space to regain “full military order” and provision for a protracted period of high optempo actions to chew up all three IRG divisions BEFORE they can fragment and fall back into the city. i.e no “pauses” after they next cross a start line until they have Baghdad under siege. Then its a Mogadishu-moment where we are encamped on the outskirts of a potential hostile city seeking to reduce and extract leadership targets up close and personal.

The RM seem to have this quite well worked out in Basra so its certainly a feasible scenario and the US has had the “Mog” lesson and learned from it. The outcome, and the length of time it takes, is going to be derived from how successful we are SEEN to be in taking out the Iraqi brass in Baghdad and how well we do getting humanitarian aid into Umm Qasr and the areas we control now as this will knock on to Basra and, ultimately, to Baghdad. The way I see it the war is there for us to lose, after we win it militarily, but there is no chance that Saddam Hussein can win anymore

Now I regret all those bottles of Becks last night!. Got Benjamino’s in about 60 seconds so cap off to Frank for that one!.

As for TJ’s puzzles first two took a few seconds apiece third one took a couple of minutes and thats where my head started to really throb so unless the fourth one says “go get aspirin” I’m out of it! As for Benny’s special code well he does “waffle” sometimes doesnt he!.

Always loved crypto stuff – worst decision of my life happened when I joined the service I was offered engineering (which I took) or a job that was then called Comms Tech and involved doing lots of SIGINT type work at a government “office-complex” just outside of Cheltenham. At the time I remember thinking “nah, sounds boring”. D’OH!:eek:

Snapper. It is truly amazing just how much this site can save a person in counselling and therapy sometimes! Feel better now?!:D

Keltic. Of course the Syrians can sell weapons to who ever they like but if you sell, or allow yourself to be involved in the sale, of weapons to one combattant in time of war you cannot expect to escape the extreme disfavour of the other combattant. What do you expect Rumsfeld to say:

“Oh yes, were so happy the Russians and Syrians got together to sell military kit to the Iraqi’s. It makes the fight so much fairer for everyone”.

Don’t think so.

I dislike Rumsfeld but expecting him to say much different than he did is unrealistic, anyway, I’d bet money on the fact that the message was primarily intended to be heard in a city about 1500 miles north of Damascus.

This for those who will enjoy it – you know who you are!!! 😀