Got home from visiting the hospital with baby Bee to find the front door wide open and Mr.Bee merrily mowing the back lawn.
When gently questioned on exactly why he’d left the door open for anyone to walk in and help themselves to our valuables,he produced the usual answer –

It wasn’t me who left the door open.

Followed by –

Well actually now I come to think of it,it was me,but I was distracted by something so you really can’t blame me for it.

My husband has the intellectual capacity of an ant with severe learning difficulties.

Happy birthday,young man ( I’m not chatting honest guv ).

My daughter coming home from university for the summer.
Within five minutes we were helpless with laughter,having somehow got on to the subject of whether men could get cramp in a certain delicate area ( don’t know how that happened ).
So lovely to have her home I can even live with her mountains of possessions for the next three months.

Michael Jackson –

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPjfMSn4f6c

It seems like five minutes ago that I read that he’d been diagnosed with prostate cancer,around the same time as Sir Andrew Lloyd-Webber.
Poor chap,how sad that he had to cope with divorce problems as well as his illness.

I knew the woman would get the blame …. !!!

Spending time on a chat site specially for pensioners.

Man,some of those other old people are vicious !